Re: A Child's Hold -- Unicorn

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Date Posted: 21:09:45 08/13/02 Tue
Author: AAAAGGGSSS
Author Host/IP: dialup-63.215.232.126.Dial1.Stamford1.Level3.net / 63.215.232.126
Subject: Re: A Child's Hold
In reply to: SuSanne 's message, "A Child's Hold" on 07:16:30 08/13/02 Tue

Actually Su

I thought alot of this had some magic in it.

Some of the lines in your typical fashion kind of "grind" away, but I do dare to say, in mine own humble way of talking, that the parlance in getting better, although to an an extent growing on me besides. It has an old english way about it. Some of he lines I just didn't buy, like the following one:

Wearing my naked soul disguise.

I don't believe for one sec that any of the verbage herein contained is disguised for one iota Su. Although you may have meant that this was just a put on, "your naked soul disguise", perhaps of many, it did not come across that way at all. Rather it came across as "sheer" soiul, and forthcoming, not disguise at all. If it represented a play on words, it did not come across that way. Just to let you know.

this line was awkward:

For art of any splendid kind
Takes me with others to another realm
In an artistic vortex spun so fine
As light through leaves of a Jersey elm.

perhpas this:
( ) = in

For art, of any (a) splendid kind
Takes me with others to another('s) realm
In an artistic vortex (that is) spun so fine
As light through leaves of Jersey('s) elm('s).

Just some odd suggestions of mine, hehe smile, hope you enjoyed, Al

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