Re: Rain -- Unicorn

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Date Posted: 21:19:54 08/13/02 Tue
Author: AAAAGGGSSS
Author Host/IP: dialup-63.215.232.126.Dial1.Stamford1.Level3.net / 63.215.232.126
Subject: Re: Rain
In reply to: Kavindra 's message, "Rain" on 19:34:00 08/13/02 Tue

Hi,

This is an interesting poem and quite excellent, although there are some areas that just don't make sense, and also there appear to be some incongruity problems. Let me point them out kindly:

Rain pours down my face
Not a patch of blue in sight
Clouds have sewn up this whole place
nothing's shining bright.

Now this is an excellent verse, make no mistake about that, however the last line

nothing's shining bright absolutely positively fails to get your meaning ie message across. "Nothing" as it were, has no ability to shine. Now even if you were to say, no Al, I meant the invisible things of life, the real meaningful things, still you failed on that line. It is only my sheer brilliance as a reader that allows me possible to see you may have meant that, no, just kidding, hehe, but I really didn't get it.

Now, in this line"

I am grasping the rope
About to tear apart
Held together by hope
Held together by my heart.

you are seeming to say that you have to do it yourself, that is the hope is YOURS, the heart is YOURS and it all seems to spell that it is your responsibility to hold it together. However, -

in the very next line, you are pleading, it seems, with someone else to aid and assist you -

Please don't let it break
Please don't let go
The ground's about to shake
Oh, don't let go.

So all in all, that part I missed, to me it doesn't make sense. Somehow it wasn't spelled out clearly enough for me. Now keep in mind, I think this is an excellent poem, and I would probaby grade it an A anyway, Thanks Al

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Replies:

Re: Rain -- Kavindra, 21:57:26 08/13/02 Tue