Re: True Blues -- Unicorn

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, [9], 10 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 10:40:09 06/18/02 Tue
Author: Raphaela
Author Host/IP: webcacheB07a.cache.pol.co.uk / 195.92.168.169
Subject: Re: True Blues
In reply to: CJ 's message, "Re: True Blues" on 10:22:03 06/18/02 Tue

I read the poem before reading Al's comment but he articulated what I was thinking but was unsure how to express. The flow jarred slightly in the odd place due to the different stresses - I think the rhythm and meter is good in the original.

Much enjoyed - look forward to a positive follow up ;)

Raphaela

>You're right on with your analysis of this piece. The
>original lyric's are below, thinking this is what you
>meant.
>
>
>When ever I may see you
>When ever we may meet
>The very nearness of your self
>Becomes a special treat
>
>I wish that I could tell you now
>The way I really feel
>But I�m not brave enough
>For what I might reveal
>
>Sometimes I think your eyes express
>A warm inviting glance
>Then because it means so much
>I cannot take the chance
>
>So my lips are silent
>My heart is crying out
>Hoping somehow someday soon
>You will resolve my doubt
>
>Then you will say something
>Or convey a special sign
>It will mean that there�s a chance
>Of your becoming mine.
>
>
>� Coastaljoe
>
>
>>Hey Coastal,
>>
>>the piece in some lines I think lacks beat, that is it
>>could use another supporting word, maybe two, but at
>>the same time utilizing that technique also says t the
>>reader that the protagonist, ie the main character, is
>>somewhat unfullfilled too, and that isthe reason for
>>the missing beats, Just a thought, my best, 'Al

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]