| Subject: A conversation with Caroline, dated 6/2/00. |
Author:
Jocko
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Date Posted: 12:40:52 01/18/01 Thu
carolinestevens: fucking pussy
j0cko: No, I don't give such valuable info for free.
carolinestevens: I am sure you dont
j0cko: you had your chance. Too late now.
carolinestevens: so, where is your alter ego buzz?
j0cko: don't know. I messaged him that you wanted to talk to us both, but he's not on.
carolinestevens: too bad
j0cko: I do have a pressing question, tho.
carolinestevens: what?
j0cko: hang on a sec, I'm going for a quick coffee. BRB
carolinestevens: k
j0cko: ok, I'm back. My question is...
j0cko: ...why POISON of all bands?
j0cko: Are they popular all over Sweden, or is it just you pagan types?
carolinestevens: Hey, it aint a pagan thing
j0cko: Are you sure? They look pagan to me
j0cko: no, not pagan. What's that other word....
j0cko: ..oh yeah. EFFEMINATE.
carolinestevens: i like poison cause they can play kick ass rocknroll
j0cko: But Poison was only one of a dozen glam bands that were popular here in the mid to late 80s. Why them particularly?
j0cko: Why not Slayer or Slaughter or Damn Yankees or Tesla?
carolinestevens: Just listen to them and you will find out
carolinestevens: I like , slaughter too
j0cko: I did. Back in high school. I admit I liked them just fine, but tastes grow up, you know!
j0cko: I have some issues with their lyrics. Maybe you can explain them.
carolinestevens: it has nothing to do with age
carolinestevens: sure
j0cko: Oh sure it does. Only a child would say that.
carolinestevens: nope
j0cko: ok, for instance..
j0cko: Every Rose has Its Thorn..
carolinestevens: what about it?
j0cko: OK, I personally know a cowboy that doesn't sing a sad sad song. In fact, he's constantly humming the Bobby McFerrin classic "Don't Worry, Be Happy." Explain, please.
j0cko: It gets quite irritating, as a matter of fact.
carolinestevens: your fucking stupid
carolinestevens: you know that
carolinestevens: ask bret yourself why he decided to write that
j0cko: So not EVERY cowboy sings a sad sad song. So howcum it's such a big deal in the song?
carolinestevens: ask bret michaels that ok
j0cko: And I have personally bought roses that were de-thorned. So what the heck is up with that?
carolinestevens: or even better, i can ask him this summer when i meet him
j0cko: Who?
carolinestevens: bret michaels, singer of poison
j0cko: ok, whatever.
carolinestevens: now i have a question for you
j0cko: so what about the thorn/song issue?
carolinestevens: what the hell is up with that fucking messageboard of yours
j0cko: Please, don't make me put on the lab coat of humiliation again...
carolinestevens: I have the right to ask you questions too
j0cko: What right? You're not an American citizen.
j0cko: Geez, you're gonna make me do it, aren't you?
carolinestevens: hey, i dont need to be an american citizen for that
j0cko: Well, are you going to become a citizen when you get here?
carolinestevens: I will try
j0cko: You have to study American civics you know
carolinestevens: I know
j0cko: You have to demonstrate an knowledge of American government
j0cko: show me what you know. Name the three branches of government.
carolinestevens: Well, all they do is fuck interns, what else is there to know
j0cko: so that's why you're coming over? To get laid?
carolinestevens: not by the gouvernment
carolinestevens: and that is not the only reason , no
j0cko: but you don't know the 3 branches?
carolinestevens: branches?
j0cko: yes, the three departments, if you will
j0cko: three equal and balancing forces of power.
carolinestevens: NOpe, to be honest i dont
carolinestevens: but i am a quick learner
j0cko: I'll tell you.
carolinestevens: ok, tell me
j0cko: Larry, Moe, and Curly. And sometimes Shemp.
j0cko: Do you know what the Constitution is?
carolinestevens: Yeah, i have read it somewhere
j0cko: do you know the difference between the Consitution and the Declaration of Independence?
carolinestevens: not really
j0cko: The Constitution is the PAPERBACK edition of the Declaration of Independence.
j0cko: Got that?
carolinestevens: oh ok
j0cko: Now, do you know how many members of Congress there are?
carolinestevens: I have no fucking idea
j0cko: I'm not sure either. I think it's like 5 or 6.
carolinestevens: thats it?
j0cko: Name the two main political parties in American government?
carolinestevens: i thought they were more
j0cko: maybe a dozen, I'm not sure
carolinestevens: oh come one, it is the same thing as asking you about the main political parties in sweden
j0cko: Hey, it'll be on the test! You have to be a member of a party to vote in certain elections. No shit
carolinestevens: i know. but i will study all that when i come over
carolinestevens: or on the plane over
j0cko: You'll need to know this... a plane trip won't be enough time.
j0cko: so I'll tell you.
carolinestevens: Hey, I am much smarter than you thing
carolinestevens: think even
j0cko: The 2 main parties are Saggitarius and Capricorn, got it?
carolinestevens: Capricorn and saggitarius? yeah right
j0cko: I'm a big-time Capricorn. Those Saggitarius bastards are too soft on crime and taxes
j0cko: Ok, here's an easy one. How many states in the USA?
carolinestevens: 52
j0cko: exactly!
j0cko: how did you know that?
carolinestevens: I learned that when I was 6
j0cko: Ahh... I underestimated those Swedish schools.
carolinestevens: I guess you do, just like you underestimate me
j0cko: Ok, can you name the two types of representation each state sends to the nation's capital?
j0cko: that make up congress?
carolinestevens: no
j0cko: Ok, they are Yings and Yangs.
j0cko: Yings sit in the House of Yings, and the Yangs are in the Senate.
j0cko: Are you writing this down, I hope?
carolinestevens: To be honest. If I wanna know something i will ask someone else about it , ok, no offense
j0cko: Why? Don't trust a Capricorn on politics?
j0cko: You a Saggitarius wimp? HUH!?
carolinestevens: dont trust you
carolinestevens: whatever
j0cko: Methinks you are.
j0cko: Tell me, what's it like living in a country that could get its ass kicked by Denmark?
carolinestevens: Well, you always think what you want to think of me anyways
j0cko: I bet Finland would fuck you up royally
carolinestevens: actually, i am living in the part of sweden that once belonged to denmark
j0cko: Those fins, they don't screw around
j0cko: Well, they'll be BACK for it
carolinestevens: hey, we have the best fucking royal family in the world
j0cko: Ahh.. do you know what we think of royalty here in the states?
carolinestevens: no, how would I know that?
j0cko: We think that the insittution is a midieval throwback to a dark age... and monarchs are bloated, self-seving figureheads.
j0cko: Well, look at Knabe. He thinks he's a king, and look where it gets him.
carolinestevens: Nothing wrong with a royal family to represent the country
j0cko: The last royal anyone here liked was Princess Diana, and that was only because we had nude photos.
carolinestevens: Ok, back to the issue of your fucking board
j0cko: We prefer the PEOPLE to represent the country.
j0cko: No, I don't think so.
carolinestevens: well, i think so
j0cko: Well it's not the first time you've been wrong.
j0cko: todday.
carolinestevens: today?
carolinestevens: when was i wrong last time today?
j0cko: It seems so very RIGHT that Sweden would have a monarchy.
j0cko: Which explains your princess attittude.
carolinestevens: oh we do. our future queen goes to school in america
carolinestevens: excuse me?
j0cko: excuse you.
j0cko: You're what, 25? 26?
carolinestevens: 25
carolinestevens: soon 26
j0cko: ok, then why do you sound like a pissed-off 15 year old?
j0cko: who didn't get that pony for her birthday?
carolinestevens: At least I don't sound like a pissed off 5 year old like you do
j0cko: Ok, I'm putting on the lab coat. Please lie down on the couch.
j0cko: Today we're going to examine your obsession with washed-up 80s glam bands. I feel that it is an unhealthy urge.
j0cko: You know that they only got hooked on heroin so they could get back into the news, right?
carolinestevens: they dont use heroin
j0cko: Are you comfortable?
carolinestevens: do you care if i am?
j0cko: of course I care. I'M TRYING TO REACH YOU... don't shut me out!
carolinestevens: HA
j0cko: So, when did you first hear Poison?
carolinestevens: If you have to know 1990
j0cko: 1990... after their disappearance from American music.
j0cko: duly noted.
carolinestevens: Then how come they are still having such a strong fanbase in america?
j0cko: They were popular in the states from April 1987 through mid-June 1987.
j0cko: Lots of losers in America.
j0cko: but that's not the issue.
carolinestevens: yeah, you are the biggest one
j0cko: Was there a particular song that keyed you into their music?
carolinestevens: i would say buzz too. but you are the same person
carolinestevens: Unskinny Bop
j0cko: Please. Save your frustrated sexuality for your session with BUZZ. Unskinny Bop, eh?
j0cko: Do you know what that song is about?
carolinestevens: well, buzz and you are the same person
carolinestevens: yes i do
j0cko: ...er, how was your English back then?
carolinestevens: Just as good as it is now
j0cko: Unskinny bop was playing on the Oldies stations here in 1990.
j0cko: explains a lot...
j0cko: What about that song appealed to you, particularly?
carolinestevens: It stuck right away
j0cko: and it doesn't bother you that they were more eye makeup than Cher and has hair weaves?
j0cko: Stuck HOW?
carolinestevens: i wish they wore that much makeup these days
carolinestevens: I couldnt get it out of my mind
j0cko: Hey, I know the feeling.
carolinestevens: And only one of them has long hair now
j0cko: Ever heard "American Pie"?
carolinestevens: ...unfortunatly
carolinestevens: NO, never heard it
j0cko: boy, that sucker will rattle around your head for weeks.
j0cko: but I digress.
j0cko: So it became an obession with you?
j0cko: You had to hear more?
carolinestevens: yeah, i wanted to hear alot of poison after that
carolinestevens: and that is obsession, not obession . learn how to spell
j0cko: Do you think that there are devil-message in Poison's music?
carolinestevens: None what so ever
j0cko: Subject's immediate pouncing upon one typo indicates low self-esteem, well deserved of course.
j0cko: Have you ever played it backwards? That's how they hide the messages!
carolinestevens: well, you have misspelled more than that
j0cko: Subject's indignation factor now at 5.1.
j0cko: I have played Poison albums backwards, and you know what I found?
carolinestevens: that you were screwed up?
j0cko: THEY SOUND EXACTLY THE SAME.
j0cko: Please, you're the patient here. I don't want to have to refer you to a lobotomy surgeon.
carolinestevens: I aint no fucking patient
j0cko: Now, how old were you when someone first "Talked Dirty to You"?
carolinestevens: I think I was 16
j0cko: Subject's trampy mattress-back proclivity index now at 8.8.
j0cko: And you said in an earlier session that you have been with 15-50 men.
j0cko: So that's an average of what, 6 per year?
j0cko: How do you explain my cowboy friend who does NOT sing a sad sad song?
carolinestevens: oh shut up
j0cko: kinda punches a hole in that logic, don't it?
j0cko: I don't want to make you uncomfortable by making you feel stupid, it's a scientific question.
carolinestevens: i am sure it is
j0cko: And I can go downtown right now and get a dozen thornless roses.
j0cko: so what's the deal?
carolinestevens: you figure it out
j0cko: The whole point of this exercise is for YOU to figure it out. ANYTHING at all.
j0cko: POP QUIZ! Name the 3 branches of government!
j0cko: I'll wait while you scroll back.
j0cko: ...cheater.
j0cko: Subject's attempts to refer back to earlier material indicates short-term memory loss, possibly due to overexposure to crappy glam rock.
carolinestevens: well, i dont believe you so i dont use that
j0cko: Go on, name them.
j0cko: hell, cut and paste if you're too lazy to type it.
carolinestevens: if i am to believe you it is Larry MOe and curlty
carolinestevens: curly even
j0cko: and sometimes...
j0cko: come on
j0cko: sometimes.... in the earlier years... starts with an "s"
j0cko: Caroline?
carolinestevens: shemp
j0cko: Exactly. Well done. How many states?
carolinestevens: 52
j0cko: Including, or EXCLUDING Puerto Rico?
carolinestevens: excluding I think
j0cko: (Puerto Rico is a US Territory in the Atlantic)
j0cko: and also in the Pacific.
j0cko: With a local branch in the sea of Japan.
j0cko: Well done, Caroline. You've made a lot of progress today. I see BUZZ is on and he wants to talk to you. OK?
j0cko: Or do you still think he's me?
j0cko: Helllloooo?
carolinestevens: yes i think he is you
j0cko: I don't care if you do. Would you like a conference?
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