Author:
Shannie
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Date Posted: 00:42:23 11/01/02 Fri
Pam, the way you worded it, was like I was just skating on thin ice, marks-wise..and that if I couldn't finish this paper (due to having lost it in my computer, because I used shitty Micrsoft WOrks, which doesn't have an auto-save feature), I would fail, therefore I'd not continue to receive compensation... The way you worded it was like all I cared about was CHECKS...like I'm only about money. I was freaking out that night because 22 pages of a paper I'd worked really hard on, were gone...and you and I talked on the phone because you were trying to help me "find it" on my computer. I was freaking out more because this paper was technically due that night at midnight..and it would have been done, had I not lost it and had to start all over (I don't make rough drafts when I write a paper...I just start writing, with a very basic outline on paper....so to rewrite, I have to really start all over).
I was freaking out because all my hard work was for nothing. I had only one page left to type, plus my references. I was "that close" and it was all gone. I was upset not because of the stinkin' money. You seem to be making me out to be some money-grabbing scammer who just keeps taking free checks for as long as I can get away with it. I have never had to explain myself to anyone about this stuff, and it's highly offensive because being off like this has been very humiliating and humbling and discouraging......it's a sore subject with me. I was at the height of my career when I hurt my back and I've worked since I was 15 years old (real job....prior to that, I babysat weekly as well was a candy striper. In college, I worked part time in the college library to help pay my tuition).
It is very embarassing to have to tell someone you meet (new date) or a potential employer or a new friend that you've been off work with an injury because they look at you and you "look just fine"...no limbs missing, no disfigurements. It makes me feel stupid, though I know it shouldn't but it does because I shouldn't be this age with back problems such as these..but there are people worse off so I am still thankful.
I get very defensive when you make insinuations (or have made)...about my nursing abilities, my employment status, my disability status...becuz it seems obvious to me that you're trying to make me look like a loser.
You're taking things I told you in confidence, long ago, when we were friends, and you're twisting them around and putting a dirty spin on them, however subtle, to upset me and make me look bad. If anything, I guess you're teaching me that you can just never trust anybody online. You and I used to be very close. You confided in me about all kinds of things, of a personal nature, and I the same. You used to say we were like sisters. Now you are wanting to stir up shit again (the Ari comment started it, it was uncalled for, you knew I'd react), and you're twisting my words around, when I have no way of proving otherwise (because I checked in the archives but they don't go back to 2000).
This subject is now dropped on my end. If you want to keep trying to hit me below the belt, go ahead. Of all the people who've ever really known me, you were one...probably knew me best, and you also know just what to say to hurt me.
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