Peeking out from under mother's skirts -- A White Hot Forum

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Subject: Peeking out from under mother's skirts

Author:
Cassandra

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Date Posted: 16:32:13 02/25/03 Tue

I realized today that I started this forum because I was lonely. And that I've continued it for all this time because I have continued to be lonely. I don't like to admit this. This lonely needy part of me has not met with much social approval, not to speak of approval from my own inner critic. With all this opposition she has bravely gone ahead, albiet in a covert sort of way, showing up, reaching out, turning up over and over again. She has largely been responsible for my addiction to computer solitaire and for my joining of various groups.

Why do I mention this now? Well now she's coming out, showing up, out of hiding now. Now I am being her consciously. There is a rush of shame that feels like a flush in the face when I speak of her. There is a weak feeling in my upper arms as they resist covering my face and hiding once again. Here I am.

No need for you, if there are any "you's" left out there, to respond. I'm just getting in this room today with a little more of who I am.

I've been under attack several times for showing up as needy and it occurs to me now that most likely this is a hard place for many of us to feel and allow in ourselves or others. Today I champion these small and needy ones who live on in the underground of our lives pulling strings, nay ropes, in our lives and in the lives of those around us. I open up a space in my life for this energy in myself and in you.

Without this space, this greenlight, these little ones wield a power over us that is tremendous. Their neediness and lonliness drives us and repels others. Consciousness here can be life changing. I bless this energy in myself and in each of you. May neediness and lonliness be met with love and acceptance at last.

Lovingly, Cassandra

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
Re: Peeking out from under mother's skirts	Cassandra	16:50:09 02/25/03 Tue
Surfing the present moment -- C., 11:49:39 03/08/03 Sat