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Subject: Sea Legs

Author:
Cassandra

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Date Posted: 12:34:54 04/22/02 Mon
In reply to: Art 's message, "Re: Again: BIG WARNING" on 11:49:34 04/22/02 Mon

OK you guys I have to agree, it's true. I was absolutely devastated by my 2B. Suddenly I got what I had been told all along, there IS no escape from being here. But my point is that I WAS told that (especially by Ted). I just didn't get it. It seems to me that there is an evolutionary drive in Being to get here fully, as though THIS is what Being is doing now. Does that make any sense? As to why we haven't been here fully all along, I have to agree with Zero, there is no where from which I can stand to point a finger and no "out there" to point it at. This is just happening and I haven't a clue why.

But I do have to say something here for, first of all, the truth that I would never go back. Something of value has occurred here for me, painful though it has been and still sometimes IS.

And second of all I have to say something for the aquisition of "sea legs" over the 3 years I've been mucking through this realization. More and more I am coming to BE that-which-encompasses-it-all with an ability to hold nearly anything that arises. More and more I am able to hold myself in places which would have knocked my legs out from under me only a year or two earlier.

Yes I am a downer and I've loved almost every moment of it. There has been a bliss for me in the burn of BEING the most degradading of states. In doing so I have experienced the transformations of these states (especially lately) into something on the same continuuim, but incredibly more spacious and (dare I say it) actually blissful.

You may scream and yell about the horribleness of this forever and I won't lift a finger to argue with you. But I also have to speak my truth here. Becoming the horror consciously, ends up transforming it utterly and to me THAT is what Being is doing here, now, as me and if nothing else ever occurs this is enough. Because you see, I am not just transforming my own personal horror because I am not just my own personal self anymore.

And so it is with a imperfectly clear heart that I have become a mentor in this work. No I can't whitewash this realization, it is much more devastating than a "lemon" but it is also the only thing I want to be doing with a life that heretofore was purposeless to the max.

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
Re: Sea Legs	Gill	15:36:05 04/22/02 Mon