Re: Lonesome -- A White Hot Forum

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Subject: Re: Lonesome

Author:
Ron Ambes

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Date Posted: 21:06:24 09/05/01 Wed
In reply to: Kyla 's message, "Re: Lonesome" on 18:47:09 09/05/01 Wed

I hear, "hunger for connection" and I wonder about the similarities and differences between that and "lonesome". Are they the same? I will own my judgements of lonesome: that it is passive and comes from a "poor me" place. When I'm feeling lonesome I have a tendency not to recognize it and eat unconsciously instead of feeling into it. In fact I believe that is exactly what's up for me right now. What triggered me to write in the first place was my disdain for "lonesome" I encountered when I read Cassie's posting. Just another way I project my lonesome onto others and reject it (and them) as weak or passive. The truth is I am feeling lonely after having shared a wonderfully full and pleasant weekend with Gayatri, and now I'm home alone again.

So I'm just sitting here feeling these sensations in my body:
Clenched jaw - anger. I feel angry that I have created a life in which I have closeness and intimacy much less than I have aloneness.
Tingling, & hair standing on end all over my back, pressure in my chest, and a big lump in my solar plexus - I feel sad and I long for connection.
I'm breathing into all of this feeling and I'm noticing that I've been fighting rather than accepting myself. I love myself for feeling all of this anger, sadness, and fear (of my life always being this way). I'm feeling more connected
and yet I'm aware of still holding on to (or resisting) the
pain I feel.
I have some anxiety about posting this, but what the hell!
If any one has a problem with it or me, tell me. It seems to me that this awakened life is more and more about trusting my insticts and taking whatever risks that entails.

So, thanks for the space to express this.

Blessings,
Ron

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
Lonely lonely lonesomeness!	Cassie	00:13:31 09/06/01 Thu

Re: Lonesome	Kyla	09:25:39 09/06/01 Thu

Re: Lonesome	John	17:11:07 09/10/01 Mon