| Subject: Re: How unreal is this? |
Author:
Chris
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Date Posted: 05:06:37 03/29/01 Thu
In reply to:
cassie again!
's message, "How unreal is this?" on 21:31:41 03/28/01 Wed
Unreal enough for government work....
Well, you're right about this being different from living together. As for it's being unreal, yes, that's true, compared to house-sharing, certainly. (I did that for 5 years in Adidam. That wasn't very fun. I fucking HATE house-sharing.) And yes, different too from our farting bodies sharing the same room even for just a weekend. And you're right: I have been tame so far, while adjusting to cyberspace with you.
Well...there's also the other angle: compared to government work (or, in my case, legal secretaryhood), this forum is a very real, living presence. In the corridors of the 36th floor where I push paper, where Flatness is the dominant feeling and look of people's faces, here there is a conversation of Depth. Yesterday I opened up the message board and scrolled down to this window where you can post a message. I just sat there feeling the blank screen drawing me into more of this meeting. It was so delicious....)
Yes, we speak with the luxury of complete bodily distance from each other - which is leaving me hungry for some room action with y'all. Still, the pared-down leavings of our blue messages restores the Deep End to the daily grind.
As for getting in a fight...hmm...I like the sound of that. Obviously trust is key here, and for me, that's still gelling. This forum is an open one, leaving me uncertain as to how far to go (whereas if it was closed and private, I might feel more ready for some action).
Still, I'm not sure we've connected deeply enough here for me to feel safe with anger. I mean, okay, I know your first name. Now who am I angry at?
I guess I need more than permission to share anger. I need a safe, closed space where not just anyone can read and join in and drop some zinger that leaves me all kinds of unmet.
What I am Ravenous for is more Heart Meat. Gill keeps opening the door of the body wide open, and I've got some rage about the displacement of the body I'd like to explore together.
And for what it's worth, I'm angry at you for calling this lifeline unreal. I hate the feeling of judgement that comes for me with the word "unreal" and how my mind takes it and negates the very real and difficult sharing we've done in the last week. I've been completely exposed and defenseless in relation to you in particular, and that was completely real, disembodied cyberspace or not. I feel a prod from you to get angry that also pisses me off.
Love,
Chris
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