| Subject: Re: The down transmission |
Author:
Kate
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Date Posted: 13:19:12 07/31/02 Wed
In reply to:
Gill
's message, "Re: The down transmission" on 10:20:04 07/31/02 Wed
Well, Gill, this will either amuse you or leave you sputtering with outrage-- or perhaps both-- but my experience seems to indicate that the 'way' to the Light has been to truly exhaust the extremes of the Dark. I don't mean to do evil deeds, follow my darkest impulses-- it has been more a matter of 'meditating in the graveyard' with my most terrible visions, my most imploded physical responses, until my grip on myself let go through exhaustion.
In my case, it was my most hideous fears for my youngest daughter, one very long night when she was visiting and due to catch airport transport at 4:30 am next day. She went out 'just for a minute, up to the corner' at 10 pm-- and didn't return. I went looking at midnight, called the police at 1am, and spent the next 3 hours coming to terms with the reality that I am not in control of my own life, let alone hers, that I'd spent 19 years avoiding this undeniable fact. And that there is no real problem with this on the level of the Awakened Heart. Events occur, we respond; there are natural limits to our suffering physically and emotionally; when we are shoved past those limits, we are rested in, illumined by, assumed by What is beyond them-- as ourselves, as the All of It in which we live and move and have our being. (When she walked up the path to the house at 4:15 am, I was a different being than I had been: I can never NOT know the unblinking, implacable, inhuman immensity of 'my' true Nature.)
The trick is, that we're NEVER really willing, let alone eager, to exceed those limits; we, by habit and by experience, 'know' that our only hope is to clutch what we have by way of identity and notions of knowledge and control. We 'set up camp', so to speak, on every step down the long descent. We cherish the illusion, for instance, that having a good description, a good explanation, for our suffering, gives us some kind of mastery of it. We weave these things into 'who we are.' But what if the only 'sense' any of it makes doesn't have to do with deserved or undeserved, just or unjust, submitting or resisting-- but simply that suffering is part of our capacity to experience. That we are capable of VAST suffering, Godlike suffering. Just as we are capable of equally unmerited, unbidden, 'unreasonable,' Divine happiness. A Joy so potent, worlds arise and dissolve in its tears.
It is possible to be completely surprised by Grace, stunned by the certainty of Perfection in whatever circumstance is presenting itself. I don't know HOW it happened that the inherent Divinity started winking at me, peeking out of all the disguises It wears in my ordinary daily life. But it is clear to me that when this happens to any of us it's our privilege and duty to tell others: it IS possible. If you remember any such moments in your own experience, it is likewise your privilege and duty to tell others.
I think I get carried away; maybe these things start sounding like sermons, or something. But, you see, it's not my impression any of this has that much to do with me, personally. This is how I speak about what I've noticed; there is a vast literature out there written by folks more knowledgeable, more artful in expression, more compellingly logical, than I am. I think we should NOT deny ourselved the pleasure of study. And it would be a pity to fail to share what we find with our friends!
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