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Date Posted: Wed, Nov 12 2003, 0:44:30
Author: Asp
Subject: The Addams Family. People slash The Addams Family

So, I was browsing <a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://www.fanficweb.net/directory/">The Fan Fiction Directory</a>, and I saw that there was a listing for The Addams Family. I was rather suprised, but I figured that there may be some almost-readable General, or Morticia/Gomez fic, so I clicked the link.

Then I noticed the "Slash - Male" section. And I found these fics:

<a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://www.dementia.org/~jacquez/writing/miscfic/welcomehome.html">welcome home</a>: <b>Thing</b>/Fester. <b>Thing</b>. As in, the disembodied hand, Thing.

<i>Gordon screamed as the disembodied hand ran over his body, as it kept moving. He could not remember ever being so frightened. Goddamn his mother, goddamn this fucking con job, goddamn these freaks.

Goddamn the hand, the hand that couldn't be, the hand which had perched on his chest and was now moving, still moving, skimming up under his robe.</i>

"The hand that couldn't be"? Is that like "The Brain That Wouldn't Die"?

<a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://www.squidge.org/~cynara/Item.html">One Thing and Another</a>: ...How do I describe a story about a disembodied hand an OC disembodied foot?

<i>Not only was Item a very, very masculine foot with nice, long, flexible toes, but he had a high arch, which Thing found incredibly sexy. While he was sure that Cousin Itt had taken on Item because of the strength inherent in the lean, muscular limb - all that hair was heavy, taking huge amounts of time and patience to tend to - he also sensed that this particular body part might be shy, a trait that the out-going Cousin Itt appreciated. </i>

<a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://www.squidge.org/~cynara/FamilyAffair.html">Family Affair</a>: Gomez/Fester. Ouch. Just...ouch.

<i>She was lovely, the mourning white relieved by touches of black lace. How Gomez wished to rush the groom and pull the bride onto the altar. He'd be torn apart. Glorious rapture, flayed in climax over the ravished widow's white weeds.</i>

Ummm...unless I'm mistaken, there is no "mourning white." You could only wear lavender and grey in the last six months of half-mourning.

<i>Gomez pushed his hips into Fester, chuckling at the sudden tension. "You've got to watch your back." He applied more pressure, asphyxiating his victim in stages and threatening the fabric of their pants. Finally feeling Fester subdued, Gomez undid both sets of buttons, letting the cloth fall. Pumping his slick member along the crease and between the thighs, he slowly let Fester breathe again. Sure that his brother was again conscious, Gomez plunged into him hard.

Fester's scream was lost in the coat. His groin was bounced against the thick fur, bringing his cock to attention. He struggled to rub harder, pushing back at his brother, moaning as he lost out to sheer sensation. His head thrashed from side to side as his hips staccatoed irregularly.

Gomez slowed his strokes as Fester jerked like a slit-throated sow. As he felt his climax, Gomez sped up punishingly, reaming a tattoo.</i>

Anyway...*slams down a few coins* I think we should start taking bets. How long 'til we start seeing the Addamses over at Greyarchive? How gobsmackingly awful will it be? What pairings shall it feature? Fester/Wedensday molestation fic? Flora/Fauna SiameseTwin!Incest? Morticia/Carnivorous Orchid? How long 'til Mary Sue -- or rather, Mariannétoile Susannamour shows up?

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