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Date Posted: 04:58:20 03/21/03 Fri
Author: Dr Doom
Subject: Rip Van Doom

The scene opens, once again, in Doom's office, deep within his recently calm mountain lair. A large figure dressed in black with a sock over his head sits behind his desk with his feet up, snoring like there's no tomorrow. He stirs slightly, scratches his ear in a rabbit-like fashion, and goes back to being still.

[This snoring mass of black (and pink sock) is Doctor Doom. The man who plans world domination, and comes up with plenty of good ideas that would quite probably work, except Sod's Law normally intervenes and prevents it. The prick.]

There's a hammering at the iron door to Doom's office. Doom doesn't move. If it weren't for the noise of his snoring, people would think he's dead. The hammering continues. Still no response from Doom. Whoever's knocking gives up. The lock on the door begins to change colour. First it glows a dark red, then it slowly shifts to bright orange, and eventually begins to leak away from the rest of the door. The handle pours out of the door, which is pushed open by Amara.

[Amara had never really been happy (or a permanent worker of any sort) with the jobs she's had over the years. Be them in England or America, her powerful temper had eventually got her fired from all but two of the jobs she's ever had. The last time she handed in her resignation and begin to work for Doom. This time, Doom seems to be amused by her temper and refuses to let her leave.]

With a minature version of Doom's potent toast-making super death laser (patent pending) in one hand, and a megaphone in the other. She approaches Doom and prods him in the arm. He doesn't move, just makes an incoherent grunt. Not that of a man waking up, but that of a man's subconcious telling whoever's trying to wake him up to fuck off.

Amara : {Into Doom's ear} Wake up you lazy old sod!

No response. Amara raises the megaphone to her mouth.

Amara : {Mountain-shakingly loud} WAKE UP YOU STUPID OLD CUNT!

No response. Amara scratches her head, then proceeds to kick the legs out from under Doom's swinging chair. Doom and chair come crashing to the floor in a heap of pink socks and plastic houseware from Ikea. Doom grumbles something and tries to use the chair as a pillow. Amara kicks him in the back.

Doom : ACK!

Amara : WAKE UP!

Doom sits up. He has a big long black beard.

Doom : What is it?! I close my eyes for five minutes and you have to go ahead and wake me up again! How dare you?!

Amara : Five minutes? FIVE MINUTES?! You've been asleep longer than the RWF!

Doom : I have?

Amara : YES! AND WE'RE AT WAR WITH IRAQ!

Doom : We are?

Amara : Yes.

Doom : That's good. Did I start it?

Amara : No.

Doom : Damn. Oh well, looks like I'll have to pick on Russia instead.

Amara : Indeed.

Doom : Why did you wake me up?

Amara : Because, unlike you, the RWF is with us once again, and I already asked Mike Collins to put you back on the roster.

Doom : You did? Good thinking. Now, I must begin to plan ahead again!

Doom attempts to stand up, but can't remember how. His legs collapse underneath him.

Doom : A little help please? I've been asleep for a few weeks...

Scene fades.

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