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Date Posted: 07:36:21 04/01/03 Tue
Author: Dr Doom
Subject: Apocalypticus

The scene opens round the back of a fairly large house somewhere in Spain. A swimming pool takes up most of the back garden, and sitting beside it on a sunbed is a man with long blood-red hair and the body of a cruiserweight wrestler, wearing a pair of blue hawaiian-style shorts, sandals and some cool black shades. Another man comes over, dressed similarly, but with shorter black hair and black shorts.

Red-Haired Guy : Hey 'Kash.

Anathkash : Areet Apoc.

(The two are originally from the north east of England, however they moved to Spain because they got sick to the tits of the shit weather. They chose carefully what country they migrated to since France is "full of poofs", Germany "just sucks" and everywhere nearby is similar. Although going to Amsterdam was on their To-Do list, they figured they'd be too stoned to do anything. Not that they do anything at all in the first place, but that's not the point.)

Apocalypticus : Aye. Bit bored, like.

Anathkash : Yeah, me too. Fuck all to do.

Apoc : This place sucks.

Anat : You noticed too, huh?

Apoc : You need a job.

Anat : So do you, you fat cunt.

Apoc : I'm not fat.

Anat : So?

Apocalypticus shrugs. At that point his mobile phone rings. He hurries so much to answer it he almost throws it into the pool.

Apoc : Yellow?

Odd Voice : Hello, this is Mike Collins of RWF in Juno. I've heard about your previous performances and exceptional skills and was interested to know if you would consider working for the RWF.

Apoc : No offense mate, but you sound like a lass. Have you always been a bloke?

Odd Voice : I'm not a girl. I'm a man. A big one. Grr.

Apoc : If you say so.

Anat : Hey man, don't offend him. It's a job!

Apoc : {covers the phone} Fuck, aye, so it is... {uncovers phone} Alright man, I'll take your offer. Where's Juno?

Odd Voice : Montana.

Apoc : {covers the phone} Where the fuck is Montana?

Anat : America?

Apoc : Shite. {uncovers phone} Ah, right. Okay. Montana, er, USA Montana?

Odd Voice : Yes. I hope that's not a problem?

Apoc : Nah, it's areet. When do I start?

Voice : ASAP. I'll prepare your accommodation, all expenses paid. Just go along to the Juno Mountain Range and find a mountain that tries to look inconspicuous but fails miserably. It's got "Doom's Secret Lair" painted on the side in bright red paint. Can't miss it. The way is marked by signs that say "Not the way to Doom's lair".

Apoc : {raising an eyebrow} Areet... I'll be in touch then.

Voice : Good.

The phone goes dead.

Anat : Who the fuck was that?

Apoc : Some guy that sounds a lot like a lass. Says his name is Mike Collins of the RWF...

Anat : Ah. Reet.

Apoc : Wanna watch telly?

Anat : Aye.

Apocalypticus gets up, stuffs the phone into his pocket and the two go inside the large house.

The scene flicks to Alexandra's office in Doom's mountain lair. She pushes the phone away and has a huge grin on her face, a piece of paper with a phone number on it in one hand and some information about Apocalypticus in the other. She cackles to herself : This'll be a good one to get at Doom with...
Scene fades out.

[Information on Apocalypticus]
Apocalypticus is a bizarre character who sees a hell of a lot of evil in wrestling. Therefore he wrestles to fight that evil. It's his misguided impression that this actually makes any difference, but it's his impression and he's entitled to it, misguided or not. He couldn't give a fuck.
He's from the north east of England, 5'4" tall, 193lbs in weight. He has a 'magic' sword that burns people who touch it (except him) and smells like marmalade when exposed to certain breeds of cat.
He's the complete opposite of Doom.

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