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Date Posted: 13:29:57 02/14/02 Thu
Author: Scott Plumbtree
Subject: Re: id like you to look at my song (grunge/punk)
In reply to: Joshua Smithyman 's message, "id like you to look at my song (grunge/punk)" on 09:04:49 02/14/02 Thu

Hey, looks like a good start. There are a few lines I don't quite understand. What are you meaning by suspended in animation? I do really like the last line in the verse I shouldn't be rambling about you. That coupled with I know in my condition has a nice feel to it. The chorus, in my opinion needs some work (it may not be the chorus, I'm referring to the part at the bottom). You need to think of a hook for this song. In your own words what do you want this song to be about? Failing someone? I think the song has potential but a lot of work is necessary.

Do you have any thoughts on the way the song is going to sound. Just curious.

Scott

>Id like you to look at my song its called FAILURE
>
>Im suspended in anamation
>caught by oral tuition
>& i now in my condition
>i shouldnt be rambling about you
>
>
>But i forgot to
>close the door
>i forgot to take some more
>i forgot to leave you the key and you depended on me
>and ive failed (E-Mail your thoughts
>of extra lyrics im creativley blocked do this on
>j.smithyman@another.com)

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Replies:

  • Re: id like you to look at my song (grunge/punk) -- werdza, 09:38:57 10/14/02 Mon
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