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Date Posted: 18:53:07 04/18/03 Fri
Author: DarkChilde
Subject: LW Post: Survival, PG-13, very very mild slash

Title: Survival
Warnings: This is future fic and there are characters who are dead and gone. There are also distinctly slashy undertones. No sex, but if the very idea of male/male relationships bothers you, don't read it.


Written for the song, "The Missing" Lyrics follow the story. It ran a little long, sorry.


"Sun's up. Time for clean-up," Faith called over her shoulder.

"I'll take wounded. Who's up for notifying family today?" Xander asked, already examining a couple of the more seriously injured people in his group.

"Wes. He's been working on some defensive spells for a couple of days now though, so I might get Dawn to do it." Faith wearily began the chore of helping her team collect the corpses of those they'd lost. "It was a good night. We only lost eight. I'm heading back to base, Take care of them Xander."

"I think we're ready to go. Come on people, time for a trip to the hospital." Xander gathered the dozen or so who were wounded. They piled into jeeps and started for the hospital, one of the few buildings in town still controlled by humans. Nothing too bad today, hopefully every one of these would be back to fighting in a day or two.

Faith's truck and the still able-bodied soldiers of the night's battle returned to what was once UC Sunnydale. The soldiers would grab a meal in the cafeteria before heading back to the dorms for some much needed sleep, but Faith's day wasn't over yet. She stopped in front of the building that housed the cafeteria. "Get something to eat and rest guys. Good work last night." She made sure her voice was infused with an enthusiasm and encouragement she didn't feel. It was her job. She had to make these people believe that they were making a difference, that they were going to win, even when her doubt grew every day. The answering calls of "Thank you, Slayer," and the more irreverent "We kicked some demon ass," were enough to assure her that she was doing it right, for now at least.

Her next stop was the library. She walked into the imposing structure and found Wesley deep into his research. "Are you up for family notification, or do you want me to ask Dawn?"

Wesley glanced up. "I'll do it. Dawn's settling in some new people. A family from Louisiana came last night, their daughter is a potential. Some others as well. They'll keep her busy for most of the morning, and you'll have to meet with the girl when we get back."

"How old is she?"

"Thirteen."

"Jesus, they just keep getting younger." Faith, would like to ask all the questions about how the world could have come to this, but she can't. "Well, let's go. We're burning daylight here." Wes nodded and followed her out the door.

Less than an hour later, the bodies of the eight dead men and women had been incinerated. It was the only sure way to prevent them from rising as vampires or worse. Each had been identified and their personal items stored neatly in bags. It was time to notify families. One of the dead had been a potential, Amber. She had arrived alone, but had an aunt she had written to on a regular basis. They'd try to get a letter to the woman. Seargeant Michael O'Reilly had family. He'd survived the early part of the war, where the army tried to fight the demons without any real understanding of what they were. He had been one of the few who were willing to accept her authority from the very start. He had been a good soldier, and a better man. He had a wife and infant daughter. Kirsten was a newlywed, Faith had attended the ceremony. She'd just been an ordinary woman before the apocalypse came. David was just sixteen with a doctor for a mother and another one of Faith's soldiers for a father, the family had been with her since the beginning. The other four all had similar stories, Faith had never quite figured out how to tell a mother or a husband or child that their loved ones were gone, not even after the hundreds of times she'd done so. That's why she always took someone else along with her, someone who had been here, truly since the beginning. Someone who understood loss. Usually it was Xander, Dawn, or Wesley. On a rare occasion she took Spike or Gunn, but people were less comfortable with them.

It was after ten a.m. when they had finally finished speaking with all the families. It was all variations on the same conversation. She and Wes would express their sympathy for the family's loss. The family would in turn cry a bit before expressing pride that at least their son, daughter, husband, wife, etc. had died in battle for a valiant cause. That would be followed up by a renewed intention to continue this fight in honor of their lost loved one. They would be extravagant in their praise of Faith as an effective and inspirational leader and then it would be on to the next family. With the reassurance of each person came the deepening guilt and surety that she could have done better, or at least died instead. She wasn't a good leader. She'd never wanted this role. It had been Buffy's domain, Buffy was good at it. She was all goodness and intensity and she could make everyone around her believe in her. Even Angel would have been a better choice than she was. He was a leader, a force for good in the world. But they were lost. Only six years ago, but it felt like a lifetime. They thought the apocalypse was coming, and maybe it had, but if so it wasn't the quick end that they had all expected. No, it was an unending war where daylight offered only meager protection, and the night was lethal. Buffy or Angel could have amassed an army and destroyed it given time. They could have done it through sheer force of will, they were so much better than she was. Faith was dark, tainted, and she could make them follow, but was it the right thing to do. She was expendable, no family, no one to mourn her loss. These others were not. Still, she did this, she had to. It was her duty, and duty was all she had left.

"Alright, last stop for the day, then I'm getting some sleep. Let's go see Dawn." Faith directed Wes, who was driving now.

A moment later they were pulling up in front of a small building that held the various offices that kept this operation running. Their war room was here, the room where all the strategies were planned. Faith had an office that she never used. Wes had an office, no titles in her army, but he was in charge of all the magic users and their training. Dawn was in charge of handling the steady stream of new arrivals, finding them places to work or train, and coordinating the network of informants and recruiters that they had established across the country. There were a couple of other offices. Magdalena, a former nun who had been with them for four and a half years. She kept the more mundane aspects of their operation running smoothly. She saw to it that there was enough food and enough people to fix it. She was in charge of making sure that there were people to clean, the arrangements for religious services, and she was the coordinator for the hospital. David Burke held the last office. He was in charge of the education program for the growing number of children that were joining their ranks. Wesley, and surprisingly enough, Spike had been adamant about the children receiving a proper education, because one day they would win this war. Faith and Wes made their way to Dawn's office where she was seated behind a desk typing. "I hear we've got some new people." Faith greeted the girl.

"Yeah, The Giroux family arrived last night, just after your patrol went out. I got them settled in at Brinker. There are four of them. Mother, Jeanette, she's a nurse. Father, Michel, he wants to train, join the troops. I'm also told that he's got a gift for magic, he's untrained but the power definitely seems to be there. Daughter, Danielle, she's a Potential, just thirteen, but determined and she's already got a dozen kills under her belt. Luc is just ten, but he's got the gift as well. I'd recommend getting him into the magic training program as well as regular school."

The woman, hospital or field?" Faith asked. They could always use more staff for the hospital, but they were perilously short on people in the field with medical training.

"I don't know yet. It was late last night, and the others arrived while I was in the middle of processing them this morning. The girl's a potential, so I knew you'd be making a visit anyway. I'll finish up the paper later. One more family, Davis from Connecticut. Father, Brian, he's a surgeon, I've already got him set up with Magdalena. Mother, Sylvia, she wants to train. She was in the AirForce before she got married, she's also a black belt in Karate. They've got a three year old, Tricia. I got her set up in day care. A man named Karl Wright came with them. He wants to train. I want you to check him out Wes, the air feel different around him, kind of like when Willow was really drawing on her power. He also says he has a message from Graham's group for you. They're all set at Schaeffer hall, if you want to check in with them. Karl's been chafing at the bit ever since he showed up."

"Thanks Dawn. I'll make the rounds, then I'm crashing." Faith sounded exhausted, but her day was almost over.

"I'll come with you, finish up the Giroux paper work and whatever else needs doing." Dawn pressed a few keys on her keyboard before rising to follow Faith. "You coming Wes?"

"I should meet with the magic users, find out what kind of training they need." And so the group of them set off for Brinker Hall, once a women's honors dorm and now the premier housing facility in their group. The leaders were all here, and the potentials, most of the medical staff also. "Why was the Davis family put in Schaeffer?"

"They volunteered, said they didn't need more than the one room until Tricia is a little older." Wes nodded his understanding.

Dawn led them through the corridors of Brinker Hall to one of the clusters of rooms, where a tag marked Giroux/Potential had already been affixed to the door. She knocked crisply and waited for the answer. "Come in." The group of them walked through the door into the small living area of the suite. "Why, hello, Dawn. I thought you were through with us for the day." a petite woman with dark hair and eyes greeted them.

"Not quite Jeanette. Paperwork, it seems like a lot, but keeps the place running smoothly. Also, I've brought a couple of people with me for the group of you to meet." Dawn waited while Jeanette Giroux called her family into the room. "This is Faih, the Slayer. She'll be directing Danielle's training, and she leads the troops. And, this is Wesley, he's in charge of our magic users.

Michel stepped forward and gripped Faith's hand, "It's an honor to meet you. What can we do for you?"

"Anything. The only rule I have here is that everyone makes a contribution. There is no dead weight, we can't afford it. I understand, you'd like to join the troops and you may have some skill with magic." Faith flashed a brilliant smile that only the people she'd known forever could recognize as false.

Michel nodded. "Good. I don't send anyone out without training. There are always groups training, Dawn can get you set up with them. I'd like to see you get some magical training as well. We have few enough casters. They're invaluable to the operation. Dawn has suggested we get your son in a training program as well."

"Yes, he's anxious to start, and to return to his studies. It's been almost three years since the children attended classes. We've been teaching them at home, but it's not the same." The man's voice was warm. He would follow her, wherever she led. Faith knew that and felt a deep sense of dread that she wasn't worthy of that devotion, and guilt that she had manipulated yet another good man into a job that would probably kill him.

"Jeanette, you're a nurse?"

"Yes, ma'am, an RN. I worked in the ER for almost twenty years." The woman's voice held that same warm confidence.

"Good. We can always use qualified workers in the hospital, but with your training, I'd like it if you would train with us and work in the field. It's entirely up to you, but if you're willing to take the training, we could use a trauma specialist." Faith made her case, knowing even before she finished that this gentle woman would do as she asked.

"Of course, wherever I can be of most use. One of your people saved our lives you know. I want to give back in any way that I can." And there was the rub. Faith sent people out who offered people like the Giroux family a modicum of protection and in return they willingly gave up their lives. It seemed terribly unfair.

"Thank you ma'am. Danielle, your training begins tomorrow. I know you're young, but you're powerful. On the second floor there's a lounge that's just for the potentials. I hope you'll be friends with these girls. They'll understand you more than anyone else here. Get some rest people. It may be your last chance for a while." Faith finished and walked back out of the room, not even waiting for a goodbye.

A moment later she was joined by Dawn and Wesley who had arranged for additional training for Mr. and Mrs. Giroux preparing them for battle. They walked across the campus to Schaeffer hall where Dawn again led them through the corridors to a door marked, Davis. Brian and Sylvia expressed their appreciation for the work Faith was doing to save humanity and their willingness to fight for the cause however they could. she in turn gave them a smile and some encouragement and assurance that their daughter would be well cared for by the daycare team, before they continued on to their last stop, the door marked Wright.

This time, Faith knocked. "Who's there"

"This is Faith."

The door opened, "It's about time." The man inside stopped short when he realized that she wasn't alone. "Ms. Summers, and I presume this is Mr. Wyndham-Pryce."

"Hello again, Karl. You presume correctly, this is Wesley."

"I thought I made it clear, I wanted to speak with the Slayer alone." There was anger and a sharpness in his voice.

"I seldom speak to anyone alone, Mr. Wright. It's just not a safe practice these days. Now, if you have information for me, I suggest you tell me what it is. If not, I'll be going to my quarters. It's been a long night." She glanced at her watch, "And I have about five hours before I get to do it all over again. So what will it be."

"Fine. At least get out of this damned hallway." Wright ushered the three of them through the door and slammed it shut behind them. "I don't want my background in your paperwork, girl. I was millitary intelligence, Marine Corps. I trained with Graham Miller. I knew we both shipped out to highly classified posts after training, but I didn't know where he went. Haven't heard from him almost fifteen years, so imagine my surprise when he shows up on my doorstep last week, with a whole batch of soldiers and an entire freaking family in tow." The man's words were sarcastic and marked him as much younger than he appeared. Graham was thirty-three, and it was unlikely that this man was much older, despite his hard appearance. Faith would have put his age at forty-five if she hadn't known. "Anyway, he had some wounded and those Davis people with him. He told me some wild story about what he had been doing for the millitary and then he told me that he was still fighting. We were up all night. He told me you weren't millitary, but that your operation was tight and that you would be deserving of my respect. He practically begged me to join up. He also told me to give you this." Karl pulled a large manila envelope from a bag and handed it across to Faith. Thought it would be helpful, so here I am. Make me believe that this was the right choice, Slayer." There was a touch of hope underneath the cynicism in that last. Faith prayed she could do as he asked.

"Graham told you we're not millitary, and we're not. No titles. Rank is earned. You'll learn chain of command by experience for the most part. We go out into that mess and fight every night, and believe me nothing you've experienced back east is like what you'll find here. They just keep coming, and we just keep beating them back. I'm in charge. If you have an objection to my plans, tell me, but ultimately I make the choice, and I don't have time to convince you it's the right one. You'll do as I say or find your ass thrown out of the compound. And that begins with a demand for respect. Some of the people here might look weak or soft to you, they aren't. So let me give you a little reintroduction to these two. This is Dawn Summers. Her sister was the Slayer before I even knew what a Slayer was. Dawn has survived this life since she was a teenager, she survived a god trying to kill her. She stays in the compound, not because she can't fight, but because I need her here. She's as able with any weapon as anyone here, I'd include you in that and I haven't even seen you fight yet. But no one is as good at finding the talent in people as she is. No one else can keep this place running day after day. She's young, but she's experienced more in her short life than most people will in a lifetime, even in this world. This is Wesley Wyndham-Pryce. I doubt Graham told you about the Watcher's Council. There wouldn't have been much point. They're dead. They trained girls like me for centuries. Wesley was one of them. He goes out there and fights every night. Nothing stops him. And if that weren't enough, we don't have a more brilliant tactician or wizard in the group. When we win this war, it won't be because of the things that I've done, it will be because of the things that he's done. We're broken into four basic squads here. I run one of them, they are the core of my soldiers. We've got a few that have been here since the early days of this war and all the girls, the potentials. They may be teenaged girls, but I wouldn't recommend crossing them. They're strong, they're well trained, and they won't take shit off of anyone. Second group is led by Xander Harris. Xander was friends with the former slayer, Buffy. He'd known her since high school and has fought by our sides for thirteen years. He's done it without the heightened strength or specialized training that I have, and without the magic and exceptional knowledge that Wes has. He's earned his place. Third unit has Spike at the helm. More about him in a minute, but believe me when I say he's got that place on merit. Last group, and where you'll start is led by Charles Gunn. He's another guy who has been fighting demons most of his life. I don't know a better hand to hand man. He'll be your commander. Good enough."

"We'll see. I like your style." Karl sounded somewhat less strained than he had before, but he was still wary.

"Great. I think we can skip most of our usual training regimen with you. Gunn's not millitary so no rank, but believe me when I tell you that he will kick your ass if you give him trouble. Wes, won't he be up by now?" Faith asked.

"He should be. You can probably catch him at the cafeteria for another thirty minutes or so, then he'll be with the training groups." Wes answered.

"One last thing then, I'll let you go off to meet Gunn. Dawn here said she felt power when you walked in. She's seldom wrong about these things, so tell me what kind of magic you've been into." Faith questioned Karl.

The man shrugged, "A little of this, a little of that. Picked up some chaos magic a few years back. It's useful in my line of work."

"No formal training?"

"None."

"Then get used to seeing Wes. You've got some practical knowledge, but to be useful you'll need some training. Oh and before I forget. Here's the one thing that generally freaks new recruits out. There are a few demons in our ranks. Most of them just come with the knowledge that balance is necessary, and this door is seriously disrupting any sense of balance in the universe. Then there's Spike. He's a vampire. He has a soul. He's a good guy. He's used to newbies making themselves obnoxious, but I can guarantee if you do it within earshot of Xander he'll have you on your ass faster than you can even imagine. He doesn't take kindly to people questioning Spike's loyalty. Now go find Gunn." Karl gave her a curt nod before heading out the door.

"I've got to get some sleep guys. Catch you in a few hours. Cafeteria, 4:30?" At Wes and Dawn's nods of agreement, Faith began the quick walk back to Brinker hall and her rooms there.

A quick shower later and she was falling into bed. Sleep came quickly, but as usual was restless, disturbed by dreams of everything, everyone, who had been lost in the last six years. She woke at precisely 4:15, dressed, and went to the Cafeteria, nearly empty at this point. For those who worked in the daylight hours, it was too early yet for their final meal of the day, and for most of those who worked at night, breakfast had been more than an hour ago. Over the years this late meal had become something of a tradition for Faith and her closest people, the ones who had started this with her. She got a tray with the typical slop that cafeterias served and went to take her place at their usual table. The others were already there. Faith smiled a rare genuine smile, as she looked at them. Wes and Gunn sitting as close as propriety would allow and smiling gently at one another, a picture of pure contentment for this moment. And Dawn, Xander, and Spike ignoring propriety altogether, various body parts tangled together as they insisted that the three of them certainly didn't need more than one chair. The three of them had shared a suite for years now, and Faith still wasn't certain just what they were to one another, but they were happy. It was enough. "So how did the day go?"

"I'm making some headway on the new spells. Nothing much else of import to note. Training's going well." Wes shared.

"That man you sent me is going to be a real pain in the ass, I can tell already. But he's good. We'll give it a couple of days. I think I'll have to knock him down before he'll accept my authority, but that can be arranged. I'm not taking him out for at least a week. Bitched, but he'll live. He's not used to the demons, and I've watched better men than him disintegrate under that. Vamps, he'll do fine. It's the less human varieties I'm worried about. So, he trains, until I think he's ready. Why do you always give me the difficult ones, girl?"

"Because, Spike would kill them, and Xander would spend twice as long trying to be nice as you do." Faith smiled when twin exclamations of "Hey," emerged from the two in question. "I'm right and you know it. So did you accomplish anything today?"

"Just got up an hour ago. Checked out the wounded. Twelve last night, all of them should be back on their feet in a couple of days. Marie is still battling pneumonia, doctor says she's out for a while. Jason's doing great, but if we don't get him moved back here and doing something soon he's going to go nuts. It'll be a month or more before he's effectively healed up, but surely we can come up with something administrative for him." Xander reported.

"I'll check into it. Hey, wasn't he a Kindergarten teacher in another life. I'll have to check the file, but if that's right, he can work with the kids. I've been utterly useless since this morning. Filed all the new reports but that's it." Dawn as usual underplayed all the work she did.

"Slept all day love, I am still a vampire you know. Haven't done a damned thing. You didn't add anyone to my roster did you?"

"Nope, but there's a new class coming up soon. Pick a few." Faith pulled the envelope Karl had given her earlier out of the bag she'd been carrying, laying it on the table. "Wanted to wait until you were all here to open this. How long has it been since we had a field report from Graham's unit, Dawn?"

"Two years, 27 days. I looked it up when I got back to the office. He's sent verbal messages, but not a written report. Last verbal message was almost six months ago." Faith shook her head, wondering how Dawn managed to keep so much information straight in her head. She may have checked earlier, but Faith was certain she could have said and been right within a week even before she looked.

"So this is something of a momentous occasion." Faith hesitated at the clasp on the envelope, she was almost afraid to see what was so important it merited a written report. But she flicked the envelope open and pulled a sheaf of papers from it. Turning the envelope revealed a few small trinkets that had been included as well. She turned to the paper's first. The top sheet was a quick note in Graham's careful handwriting, explaining the rest of the contents. Faith handed a fairly large stapled group of papers to Dawn. "He says this is just standard report stuff, to file and forget if need be." Next came a group of photos each neatly labelled with a time, date, and place. "Apparently what the report will tell us is that a couple of months ago, they came across this place." Faith spread the photos across the table so that everyone could get a good view. They showed what seemed to be the remains of some kind of temple. The temple was destroyed, but there were some sublevels exposed. "Graham thought some of this might be useful. The pictures are so you can get started on some research. There should also be a disk in here, that he says has some more digital pictures and schematics of the temple." She'd been holding one photo back. "Here's why he think's it's important." This photo was of the cover of a book. The book was black, probably leather and emobossed heavily with silver. In the center of the book was a depiction of a demon that looked strikingly like the one they had battled in an attempt to stop the door from being opened, the demon that had then gone back through that door, vowing to return when his army was finished here. "He's bringing the book back himself. Says there are a few things he has to do on the way, promises he has to keep. He wasn't sure that Karl Wright and the Davis people could protect it, so he just sent the notes. If he's still on schedule, he should be back next week." Next were folded letters, one to Dawn, one to Xander, and one addressed to her. She passed them out. "He said these were personal." Finally she came to the small items that had been in the envelope. She handed a small amulet over to Wesley. "One more clue from the temple." She passed a bracelet, silver set with vibrant blue stones to Dawn, "He says that a man gave him this when they saved his son's life. It reminded him of you, so he sent it. And this one is for me." Faith smiled as she picked up a small strip of leather with a piece of jade hanging from it, chinese characters on either side. "Same deal, someone gave it to him and he sent it to me.

Wes looked at it, "This character is for faith, the other is hope. It seems entirely appropriate to me." He helped her tie the leather so the jade would hang at the hollow of her throat.

The six of them chatted over inconsequential things as the finished their meal. Finally it was time for another day to begin. "Gunn, I want your group and Xander's to take the first shift tonight. My group and Spike's group will be out for second shift."

"That's cool."

"Guess, I'd better get my team ready then. Catch you later." Xander took his leave, and Gunn soon followed.

"I'm going to take care of a few things. I'll see you all later." Faith wanted to find a bit of privacy to read her letter from Graham. She could guess the content of Dawn and Xander's letters. When he'd returned to Sunnydale almost five years ago, Graham had immediately started building relationships with the whole group. Xander was his best friend and he looked on Dawn like a little sister. Faith wasn't sure how he saw her. She wasn't sure she was ready to know. She walked to her favorite place, a small hill, a short distance from the main buildings of the campus. She sat, soaking up the late rays of sun, and opened her letter.

~*~I can't believe I've been away for more than three years. I miss each of you, every day. Surely you know that. I've wanted to come back so many times, but the work we're doing is important. It's important that people know how to fight if they choose, and how to find you. It's important for these girls to find the training that is necessary, and it's important that someone is looking for answers away from Sunnydale. But, this book is important too, I feel it. It's bringing me home, and I don't know if I'll have the strength to leave again. I've carried that piece of jade for more than a year. It's true, Faith and Hope. In so many ways. Faith isn't just your name it's what you inspire in those you lead, and Hope is what you bring us every day. Hope not just that we will survive this, but that we will survive this with a home and a life. There's so much I want to say to you, but I haven't been there. I don't know how your life might have changed. I'll be back soon, and we'll talk.

Graham~*~

Faith folded the letter and returned it to her pocket. She wasn't sure what to take from it, what it meant. She wasn't worthy of inspiring people's hope or faith, and she felt vaguely guilty for doing so. People believed that she could save them, and they were so very wrong. A hundred girls, dead before their first kiss, first love, men and women with families, she couldn't save them, but their deaths just seemed to make people believe more. It made no sense. She hoped that Graham would find what he was looking for when he came back, hoped that he would find home. She walked quickly down the hill and back to the meet point for the teams going out. Spike met her there.

"Hey, are you all right?" There was concern in his words.

Faith allowed her shields to fall back into place, smiling. "Fine. Let's get started." The last glimmer of morning had disappeared and the cold dark had returned. Too many people had been lost, too much depended on her. The others might survive with family and home, but she'd lost any thought of doing so long ago. Whatever Faith and Hope she might have inspired, she certainly didn't feel.


"The Missing"

She never watched
the morning rising,
Too busy with the
day's first chores
But oft she would watch
the sun's fading
As the cold of night crept
across the moors
And in that moment
She felt the loss
Of everything that
Had been missed
So used to feeling
the spirit sink
She had not felt
her own heart's wish

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