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Date Posted: 17:57:47 02/11/03 Tue
Author: Star X.
Subject: Star X.: To cheer you all up, make you groan, cause you to become angry, whatever, here are a bunch of astrology related jokes. (looks at her author, who has ceased banging her head against the wall and is now sitting in the lotus position, meditating) Well, at least she's not trying to knock herself out anymore...
In reply to: Star X. 's message, "Star X.: Ahem. Since my author is a bit... indisposed... at the moment (indicates Star S. still trying to knock herself unconcious), she's charged me with the task of trying to explain what she said about your natal chart." on 17:27:18 02/11/03 Tue

Star X: So, without further ado, a bunch of astrology jokes!

Astrological Prayers

Aries
Dear God, please give me patience... and could you do it right now?

Taurus
Dear God, help me accept change, but not too quick.

Gemini
Dear God! Who is God? Where is God? Why is God?

Cancer
Dear God!!!

Leo
Yes?

Virgo
Dear God, please make us perfect and don't mess it up like You did the last time.

Libra
Dear God, please help me to be decisive, but on the other hand, what do you think is best?

Scorpio
Our Father, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors, even though the b*****ds don't deserve it!

Sagittarius
Dear Lord, if I've told you once, I've told you a million times, help me stop exaggerating.

Capricorn
Dear God! I'd like to ask you to help me, but I learned a long time ago not to rely on anyone else!

Aquarius
Dear God, I know I like change, but this chaos is ridiculous!!

Pisces
Dear Lord, as long as I'm going to drink this fifth of Scotch tonight, please use the stimulation for Thy glory.

Chad: (sulking) And, since Star over there (points to Star X.) roped me into this...
Star X.: It was this, or getting your @$$ royally kicked.
Chad: (muttering) Yeah, and that's not an exaggeration... (normal tone, still unhappy) I have to help Star tell the lightbulb jokes.
Star X.: *shrugs* I think they're funny. And I already did all of the "prayer" jokes...
Chad: Yeah, yeah, alright. Oh, and to avoid offending any feminist sensibilites, the words 'him' and 'he' are rotated with 'she' and 'her'. The jokes apply to either gender. Ahem.

"How many Aries does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"One, but you'd better get the hell out of the way!"

"How many Tauruses does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"One, but she'll do it when she's good and ready."

"How many Geminis does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"Two."

"How many Cancers does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"One, but his therapist has to talk him into it."

"How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"One, and a halleluja chorus while she does it."

"How many Virgos does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"At least four. One to take out the lightbulb, one to check the wiring, one to put the new lighbulb in, and one to clean up the mess."

Star X.: Thanks, Chad, I'll take it from here.
Chad: Phew... My throat was getting dry.
Star X.: Ahem.

"How many Libras does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"Maybe one to do it and one not to do it."

"How many Scorpios does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"None. They like it in the dark."

"How many Sagittariuses does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"One, and the other eleven signs to revolve around him."

"How many Capricorns does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"One, but it has to be her idea."

"How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"One, and he has to have the latest technology to do it."

"How many Pisces does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"The light went out?"

Star X.: Thank you, thank you.
Chad: Even if no one laughed.
Star X.: And if we offended anyone...
Both: BUGGER OFF!
Chad: In other words, you have too much time on your hands.
Star X.: Or, you take life far too seriously.
Chad: Yeah. (to Star X.) Let's leave before we disturb our meditating author over there... (indicates Star S., who hasn't moved a muscle during the entire joke session)
Star X.: Yeah.
Chad: Anyway, next time, if she gets around to it, Xikanthus here is going to tell you all about the different types of signs.
Star X.: In other words, what your Sun, Moon, and ascendent really mean. I'm not going to tell you your actual signs and what each one means...
Chad: You people can figure that out for yourselves.
Star X.: Anyway, we hope you enjoyed our little joke session.
Chad: Even though none of you will.

::as Star X. and Chad walk off the board, the screen fades to black.::

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