Re: Rayne and Garoben -- Ladies of Lallybroch Literary Forum

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Date Posted: 11:42:57 08/01/10 Sun
Author: Page2
Subject: Re: Rayne and Garoben
In reply to: debikm 's message, "Rayne and Garoben" on 11:59:57 07/31/10 Sat

This is wonderful. You captured the passion between them as well as their playfulness and ease with one another. I really love it and makes me want to read more.

Great job!

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[> [> The tunic string? Priceless! >>> --

Page, 21:12:16 08/03/10 Tue

Your writing is always so vivid and immediate, and it's things like Rayne's tunic string that make it so. I mean, no matter how much you envision your first time with someone you want, some little something is going to get messed up, and that string getting all tangled was so spot-on real it would make anyone identify immediately with this scene. I also love the way you tied (not a pun, but it would've been a good one! *G*) it through the whole scene; first Rayne trying to untangle it, then Garoben, then finally having him just rip it apart.

The dialogue is super, too. Even if this was the only part of the story anyone read, they'd know these two were so close and so at ease with one another.

And I loved how he slowed the pace there at the end. Gotta love a man who is determined to take all night!

Super job!

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[> [> [> Thank you so much! --

debikm, 06:19:16 08/04/10 Wed

>Your writing is always so vivid and immediate, and
>it's things like Rayne's tunic string that make it so.
> I mean, no matter how much you envision your first
>time with someone you want, some little something is
>going to get messed up, and that string getting all
>tangled was so spot-on real it would make anyone
>identify immediately with this scene. I also love the
>way you tied (not a pun, but it would've been a good
>one! *G*) it through the whole scene; first Rayne
>trying to untangle it, then Garoben, then finally
>having him just rip it apart.

This is a major rewrite from the first time I jotted it down. It was pretty much a snore. I had to tell myself 'These are real people, and real things happen to them.' Rayne tends to trip over herself anyway.
>
>The dialogue is super, too. Even if this was the only
>part of the story anyone read, they'd know these two
>were so close and so at ease with one another.

They've had months to get to know one another, with both of them dancing around their attraction for each other the whole time. It's been a long road up to this moment.
>
>And I loved how he slowed the pace there at the end.
>Gotta love a man who is determined to take all night!

That's my boy!!
I'm so glad you liked it. I may post another, quite different love scene between them, or maybe re-ppost the one with Keresh and Morag...*VBEG*
>
>Super job!

Last edited by author: Wed August 04, 2010 06:21:52 Edited 1 time.
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