Thanks for the crit you got me thinking with the wordchange. Somehow I still very much like the "can" since it is, as you pointed out, a choice. But your wording does have an appeal too. It points out the self awarenes that is reached at that point, which was quite a strong one (I know!) since this is more or less autobiographic and took several month to get all its verses. They emerged one after the other, every new one a new point in coming to terms and than overcoming.
And you are very right about the spelling, I have read and reread this poem so often I can't count it, but never seen those.
