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Date Posted: 11:20:55 10/04/11 Tue
Author: susiej
Subject: Yikes- its been so long, i can't remember my password but hello! and iinside>>>>
In reply to: Lady Morilka 's message, "Option 1 (more or less) This little poem/song has been bugging me for years now and I still havn't found the right words to polish it but maybe your crits and suggestions may help.>>>>" on 04:11:16 08/25/11 Thu

I liked this alot, especially the lines
"without you by my side, i can be my own guide"

only I'd change it to...i am my own guide

it sounds stronger, though "can" does imply a choice, i think that the choice itself means one is the guide, the choser so i just think it fits better with the wonderful final words

strong and free.

Now there were a few mispellings:
ripped
cushion

and I think you meant "safe" when you used save

but those are minor- overall, great emotion, strong message

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[> [> [> [> Ahhh, so someone is still awake here :) (I was on vaccation the last week ;)) -- Lady Morilka, 17:58:43 10/15/11 Sat

Thanks for the crit you got me thinking with the wordchange. Somehow I still very much like the "can" since it is, as you pointed out, a choice. But your wording does have an appeal too. It points out the self awarenes that is reached at that point, which was quite a strong one (I know!) since this is more or less autobiographic and took several month to get all its verses. They emerged one after the other, every new one a new point in coming to terms and than overcoming.
And you are very right about the spelling, I have read and reread this poem so often I can't count it, but never seen those.

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