Saturday morning with Fallon! Life is good >>>> -- Ladies of Lallybroch Literary Forum

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Date Posted: 11:23:41 04/03/10 Sat
Author:

Page
Subject: Saturday morning with Fallon! Life is good >>>>
In reply to: Esther 's message, "This way please >>>" on 21:55:11 03/29/10 Mon

I come up for air from working on my third - and last! - draft (over 7,000 words cut from 270 pages! Woo hoo!) and find Fallon here. I feel like a child who has received a gold star for good work! *G*
>
>
>
>Excerpt from working title �Mirrors�
>by E.M. Sawatzky � 2010 All rights reserved.
>Posted for critiquing purposes only and does not
>constitute publication.
>
>
>I crawled closer to where he lay. Curled on his side,
>he appeared vulnerable and I had the urge to protect
>him. Not wanting the jagged edges of the rocks to
>slash his skin, I imagined sand, warmed by the sun and
>contoured to his body. Rocks and pebbles crumbled,
>hundreds of years of erosion taking effect because of
>my will.

I agree with Susie about the first and second sentences. When she changed the rocks to sand you showed Heather wanted to protect him. No need to tell us. (And can I just say...Fallon lying on warm sand? Yowza.)
>
>Heather, you�re�not�safe here. His large frame
>was racked with pain, yet there was no indication he
>suffered. Think of�Darian and�he will�come�for
>you.
>
>Despite his unsurpassed strength, his magic faded. His
>presence lessened. He lost his physical dominance.
>His eyes closed.
>
>Acceptance. That�s what I felt. Damn it! I was
>losing him. So close, yet so far. He was slipping
>away from me when I was within a hands reach. Fuck.
>It might as well be a thousand miles. Infinity passed
>before I closed the distance and took his face in my
>hands, the pressure I applied on his cheek turning his
>relaxed features toward me. Touching should ease us.
>
>It didn�t. My fingers on his skin allowed me to feel
>the coldness, and that was all.
>
>�This is not over between us Fallon.� Do you hear
>me? No response.
>
>Frantic, I pushed against his shoulder, forcing him
>onto his back. His arms splayed, weightless. His
>whole body appeared boneless. Damn you Fallon. It
>will not end like this!

That's right, it bloody will NOT. Er, sorry. I'm not trying to write your story. *G*
>
>�Sorry�Hon�
>
>I curled my body tight against his side, my head
>resting on his chest. His heart beat in languid
>pulses, fading in strength with each passing minute.
>�I need you to stay with me.�
>
>�so�tired.
>
>Closer. I had to be closer to him. I rose up and
>swung my leg over, straddling him. I was shocked how
>fragile he felt underneath me; I worried my weight was
>enough to crush him.

I like that. She's always thought of him as so strong, talked about his "unsurpassed strength," but that last line shows eloquently how weak he's become. Nicely done!
>
>In just those few non-existent moments I lay beside
>him, he had deteriorated. I reached out and traced
>the changes with my fingertips. The area under his
>eyes had a bruised look. His skin had a cadaverous
>pallor, and he lacked physical substance as if the
>weight of him was irrelevant. I could see the details
>of his rib cage. It was like I was witnessing his
>decomposition while he still lived. No, not like. I
>was.
>
>I knew better now what Darian meant about the world
>being less without Fallon. Already I could feel the
>loss of his magic, and I recognized how the absence of
>his power would affect everything he had touched.
>
>No more would he flash his teasing grin or arch an
>arrogant brow. No more would women blush at his
>outrageous yet evocatively innocent suggestions. No
>more would women fantasize and dream about sensations
>that would make them come alive. Alive? How could
>they be with him gone? How could I? Why would I want
>to?

Is that an -ly word I see there? LOL. Just kidding; sometimes they're necessary, aye?
>
>Tears blurred my vision. I leaned down, brushing my
>lips against Fallon�s and then smoothing my cheek over
>his. I breathed in his scent, the sickly odour
>broadcasting his pain. Without Fallon, sex wouldn�t
>be a component of sexy. Women would just be�less.
>All of us, everywhere, would subsist without desire.
>Alone and lonely for as long as we lived because we
>wouldn�t have anything to look forward to, take pride
>in, or nurture.
>
>Men would be affected too. Without lust, there would
>be no emotion attached to the act. Sex would become
>just the physical release. No more could men and
>women make love, because�.because�love wouldn�t exist
>either.
>
>Or it might survive. Darian was stronger than even
>Fallon had realized. But it was also obvious Darian
>was changing without Fallon�s power holding his in
>check. But Darian was incapable of saying no. What
>atrocities would be committed under the mockery love
>would become?
>
>My heart pounded in fear of what could be. Would be?
>Damn it! No! Darian? Darian! Answer me!
>
>I have sent Darian back to the place he was before
>you called him forth.
>
>Cadmus?
>
>Do you have yet another mate of whom I am
>unaware?
>
>You sent Darian back to his personal prison?
>Why?
>
>Cadmus materialized before us, standing by Fallon�s
>head. �You now understand how much a danger he is to
>all of us, and yet you do not admit allowing him to
>live will endanger us all.�
>
>I shifted so my hands were propped on the ground and
>my arms supported my weight. I still had to tilt my
>neck to look upwards at Cadmus. �Keep up with the
>conversation. Fallon�s life is the one in danger.�

Heh heh, "Keep up with the conversation." I love Heather!
>
>�As is Darian�s.� He smiled. �If I wish it.�
>
>�Fallon took your powers.�
>
>He nodded acknowledgement. �But he is no longer
>strong enough to hold them.�
>
>�He will be. And then he will take them back.�
>
>�His life is like a floating leaf. Dependent on the
>fickleness of wind to carry it to safety.�
>
>�Are you saying I represent the wind?�
>
>Cadmus laughed, changing the sand to a beautiful
>leaf-strewn oasis covered in royal red and gold carpet
>that crinkled under his feet. �No. I�m saying his
>life will end up being crushed beneath my boot.�
>
>I wasn�t ready to accept that Fallon�s fate was to
>fade away and changed the leaves back to the warm
>sand. �I don�t believe you.�
>
>�No? You are in an intimate position with lust itself
>and your heart pounds, not because of physical
>pleasure or exertion, but in apprehension of what you
>know will come to pass. You are naught but a toddler
>playing dolls in the sandbox.�
>
>�Then explain it to me.�
>
>Cadmus squatted, and propped his forearm against his
>knee. His voice softened, a tone used to cajole an
>errant child to behave. �All you are accomplishing
>with your disobedience is letting Fallon suffer. You
>need to let him go. Show him he has honour. Let his
>last sounds not be the misery of your weeping.�
>
>�No.�
>
>�Then I will make you.�

Ha. Famous last words.
>
>Fallon stirred at Cadmus�s threat; his fingers curled
>into a fist.

See?
>
>�Easy Fallon. It�s only Cadmus being what he is.�
>Which is an arrogant prick. I placed my hand
>on Fallon�s chest, soothing him, as I glared at
>Cadmus. �You don�t possess enough power.�
>
>The powerful Sentinel sighed and glanced down at
>Fallon with distaste. �Why do you protect him?�
>
>My fingers followed my gaze and traced over Fallon�s
>face. �Because he�s mine.�
>
>Cadmus regarded me with narrowed-eye scrutiny.
>�Perhaps he is Heather.� His voice lowered. �Perhaps
>he is.� He stood, his knee cracking with the sudden
>movement.

Need a comma between "is" and "Heather," or it reads that Fallon is Heather. Oh, and the knee cracking? Hope it hurt. *G*
>
>Startled, I glanced up to see him smile.
>
>�Don�t look so surprised. I am, after all, older than
>I appear.� And you think I�m weak. The smile
>vanished and his face became stern. �Here�s the deal
>Heather. With my powers back, I can enforce my claim
>as your mate��
>
>Again Fallon shifted, only this time he wouldn�t be
>quieted with a touch and he managed to curl his arm up
>to grip my forearm in distress. No, hon�ney�you
>can�t.
>
>�Shhh.�
>
>The smile reappeared on Cadmus�s face. �Fallon
>doesn�t want you to accept me, does he?�
>
>�I don�t want to accept you. And you don�t want me
>either. Remember?�
>
>�Damn. Why would I have said that?� He ran his
>fingers through his hair. �Listen. Save your male.
>Get him on a leash, one he can�t twist out of or you
>into, and do it quick. When I don�t bring you back,
>another Sentinel, perhaps more, will be sent to do
>what I cannot. Will not. And you need to leave here.
> This place is known to us all.�
>
>With those parting words he faded, and with the lack
>of his presence and distraction, Fallon�s physical
>anguish increased.
>
>I blinked, and Cadmus reappeared before me.
>
>�I�m not even your mate and you�re driving me crazy.�
>He reached out and grabbed the back of my neck,
>pulling me toward him. �I can�t remember why I want
>to resist,� he whispered against my lips. �So don�t
>fail or we�re all at risk.�
>
>His kiss held more passion than I thought he
>possessed. Dominant, yet soft, his lips tempted as
>they demanded, and in the process he accepted what I
>was willing to give. At that moment he merged into
>the two males I couldn�t give up. He became the
>physical being offering safety and excitement as need
>required. I opened up to him, and when I did, he
>pulled away, resting his forehead against mine. He
>was breathing hard, and it took him a moment to lean
>back. When he did, I realized he had been holding
>Fallon down, restraining him.
>
>�What�s life without a taste of temptation?� But
>Heather? Life also needs a balance between love and
>lust. Collar both your males, and then, and only
>then, will I be able to help you get to the Senate of
>Peers. With those words Cadmus vanished.
>
>Stunned, I stared off into the distance,
>half-expecting Cadmus to appear before us yet again,
>spewing cryptic remarks, distracting me from my
>purpose. Then the sound of a deep breath being drawn
>in, and the thought of my weight hindering Fallon from
>taking in enough air, hurled me back into this
>reality. Fallon�s eyes were open, glaring in
>accusation, and his body was solid underneath me, no
>longer fragile, but still weak. The musk of his power
>hung in the air like an aphrodisiac. Just one taste
>would be all I needed.
>
>I reached out for it; I called forth my power and
>reached for him. I leaned down until I could feel his
>breath on my face. His eyes closed, as if he was
>unwilling to see me. I wouldn�t allow it. My hand
>fisted his hair, pulling against the resistance.
>�Open up to me.�
>
>No.
>
>With the magic I possessed, I pulled more of his
>inside. �Yes.� The tone of my voice was a purr, an
>inducement, an enticement not to be ignored.
>
>I won�t let you use my powers against me.
>
>�Oh huh knee, you don�t have a choice.� Your power
>belongs to me. My mouth brushed against his, but
>he firmed his lips and refused to accept my desire.
>Fine. I pulled harder on his hair. I kissed his
>throat. I let my hands roam at will over the softness
>of his shirt, exploring the strength of his broad
>shoulders, the sculpted chest, the washboard
>abdominals, envisioning through touch what I couldn�t
>see.
>
>He didn�t hinder my progress, but he didn�t encourage
>it either. From the position I was in, straddling his
>hips, I didn�t have to envision the effect I was
>having on him. I could feel his erection straining
>against the confining material. His life was out of
>jeopardy while mine was taking a risky sojourn into
>his realm of fantasy.
>
>I shifted my weight to free the shirt I had trapped
>underneath my thighs; he moaned, arching back,
>pressing up, keeping the contact intimate.
>
>One button at the bottom of his white shirt was
>undone. I fumbled with the next one, my fingers
>brushing against his abs. He hissed between his
>teeth, his hips pressed tighter to mine. The
>restrained power set off a surge of adrenaline. No
>longer could I be gentle. I yanked his shirt open,
>snapping the buttons off to get to his skin, to feel
>the blast of heat.
>
>With a sudden burst of energy he rolled us; he grabbed
>my hands in one of his and held them above my head.
>You�re killing me Heather. He nuzzled my neck;
>he kissed my throat.
>
>I�m trying to save you.
>
>His breath panted in my ear. Honey, dying was less
>painful. His tongue scorched a trail around the
>outside of my earlobe.
>
>At the last second I remembered Darian�s admonition
>that no part of Fallon�s body could be in mine. I
>twisted my head away. Don�t you feel better?
>
>He chuckled, a deep, sensual laugh that curled my
>toes. �You tell me.� He released my hands, and
>guided one of them down my own body so I could feel my
>heart beat, and then he continued on to the bulge in
>his pants. He forced my palm open and placed it on
>his erection, tossing his head back and closing his
>eyes in ecstasy at the contact. How do I feel?
>
>
>I licked my lips, unable to speak even in my head.
>The heat I felt through the hindering material seemed
>to increase to the point I wondered how he wasn�t
>burning up.
>
>�Tell me Heather.� Tell me how I feel.
>
>Better was the correct answer. �Hot.�
>
>Fallon smiled. �I�m feverish?� Perhaps we
>shouldn�t do this. He guided my hand to move in a
>strong, forceful motion up and back down. Once.
>Twice. Three times. Teasing me with what I would
>miss, and then the movement stopped. He was
>breathless; his jaw was clenched together. Tell
>me how I feel.
>
>Incredible. Amazing. Better then ever. Any of those
>would have been a suitable answer.
>
>�Hard.�
>
>At his encouragement, my hand pressed tighter, harder
>against him. His hips mimicked the action he refused
>to allow my hand to make. Tell me.
>
>�You�re swelling beneath my hand.� I swallowed, my
>throat dry. Your skin feels tight, like you�re
>going to explode.
>
>�Is that what you want Heather? Do you want me to
>come for you?�
>
>�No! You can�t.� I recognized Fallon�s withdrawal.
>�Damn it. It�s not like that.�
>
>He released my hand. �Then how is it?� His lips
>curled up in cruel twist. �Am I to pleasure you until
>you orgasm?�
>
>�No. You can�t.�
>
>�I can do a lot of things, Hon. And making you scream
>in ecstasy is nothing for me. What I�m having a
>problem with is trying to decipher the mixed signals
>you�re sending.� He shifted his weight off, leaned
>against the tree that materialized at his will and
>closed his eyes.
>
>His physical need was undiminished, but he no longer
>had use for me. His lashes fluttered, then as if it
>were a great effort, his eyes opened. He licked his
>lips. �So you�ve done your good deed. You�ve saved
>what should not have been saved. Go. My brother will
>take care of you.�

Oh, those bossy men! Go, stay, come. Look how noble I am to "give" you to my brother. Grrrr.

Ahem. Can you tell I'm just the tiniest bit caught up in this story?

I take off my hat to you, Esther. This excerpt was much, much more visual with losing any of your voice. Although their world is so different, you provided enough description to let us see it while still maintaining that otherwordly feel. Super job!

Hugs,
Page

Oh, and I'm sorry I missed your call the other day. You managed to catch one of the few times I actually leave the house! *G*

Last edited by author: Sat April 03, 2010 11:27:38 Edited 1 time.

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Replies:

[> [> [> Saturday night or Sunday morning with Fallon might be even better ;-) >>> -- Esther, 12:20:00 04/04/10 Sun

>I come up for air from working on my third - and
>last! - draft (over 7,000 words cut from 270 pages!
>Woo hoo!) and find Fallon here. I feel like a child
>who has received a gold star for good work! *G*
>>
Awwww!

7000 Words! Congrats! What's the word count you're looking for?
>>
>>
>>Excerpt from working title �Mirrors�
>>by E.M. Sawatzky � 2010 All rights reserved.
>>Posted for critiquing purposes only and does not
>>constitute publication.
>>
>>
>>I crawled closer to where he lay. Curled on his side,
>>he appeared vulnerable and I had the urge to protect
>>him. Not wanting the jagged edges of the rocks to
>>slash his skin, I imagined sand, warmed by the sun and
>>contoured to his body. Rocks and pebbles crumbled,
>>hundreds of years of erosion taking effect because of
>>my will.
>
>I agree with Susie about the first and second
>sentences. When she changed the rocks to sand you
>showed Heather wanted to protect him. No need to tell
>us. (And can I just say...Fallon lying on warm sand?
>Yowza.)

Hmmmm. Definitely need to give this a workover. You see, she wanted to protect Fallon true, but simply warming the sand was to make him more comfortable. The protecting came before, when she took him home and away from Cadmus. *sigh*
>>
>>
>>Frantic, I pushed against his shoulder, forcing him
>>onto his back. His arms splayed, weightless. His
>>whole body appeared boneless. Damn you Fallon. It
>>will not end like this!
>
>That's right, it bloody will NOT. Er, sorry. I'm
>not trying to write your story. *G*

LOL Well, of course not. *G* But in all seriousness, it can't end like this. What kind of story would that be???
>>
>>�Sorry�Hon�
>>
>>I curled my body tight against his side, my head
>>resting on his chest. His heart beat in languid
>>pulses, fading in strength with each passing minute.
>>�I need you to stay with me.�
>>
>>�so�tired.
>>
>>Closer. I had to be closer to him. I rose up and
>>swung my leg over, straddling him. I was shocked how
>>fragile he felt underneath me; I worried my weight was
>>enough to crush him.
>
>I like that. She's always thought of him as so
>strong, talked about his "unsurpassed strength," but
>that last line shows eloquently how weak he's become.
>Nicely done!

Thanxs!
>>
>>
>>No more would he flash his teasing grin or arch an
>>arrogant brow. No more would women blush at his
>>outrageous yet evocatively innocent suggestions. No
>>more would women fantasize and dream about sensations
>>that would make them come alive. Alive? How could
>>they be with him gone? How could I? Why would I want
>>to?
>
>Is that an -ly word I see there? LOL. Just
>kidding; sometimes they're necessary, aye?

LOL yup! That be an ly word. I do use them every once in a while, not because they are necessary per se, but because I just like how they sound. I'm a firm believer in moderation don't ya know. *G*
>>
>>
>>I shifted so my hands were propped on the ground and
>>my arms supported my weight. I still had to tilt my
>>neck to look upwards at Cadmus. �Keep up with the
>>conversation. Fallon�s life is the one in danger.�
>
>Heh heh, "Keep up with the conversation." I love
>Heather!

Funny how this was one of the bits I was going to cut out. But it is so Heather, and she does need her voice to cope with things...
>>
>>Cadmus squatted, and propped his forearm against his
>>knee. His voice softened, a tone used to cajole an
>>errant child to behave. �All you are accomplishing
>>with your disobedience is letting Fallon suffer. You
>>need to let him go. Show him he has honour. Let his
>>last sounds not be the misery of your weeping.�
>>
>>�No.�
>>
>>�Then I will make you.�
>
>Ha. Famous last words.

LOL
>>
>>Fallon stirred at Cadmus�s threat; his fingers curled
>>into a fist.
>
>See?

LOL Yeah, I see how it is. *G*
>>
>>�Easy Fallon. It�s only Cadmus being what he is.�
>>Which is an arrogant prick. I placed my hand
>>on Fallon�s chest, soothing him, as I glared at
>>Cadmus. �You don�t possess enough power.�
>>
>>The powerful Sentinel sighed and glanced down at
>>Fallon with distaste. �Why do you protect him?�
>>
>>My fingers followed my gaze and traced over Fallon�s
>>face. �Because he�s mine.�
>>
>>Cadmus regarded me with narrowed-eye scrutiny.
>>�Perhaps he is Heather.� His voice lowered. �Perhaps
>>he is.� He stood, his knee cracking with the sudden
>>movement.
>
>Need a comma between "is" and "Heather," or it
>reads that Fallon is Heather. Oh, and the knee
>cracking? Hope it hurt. *G*

You are SO right! I've fixed it! Thanks!

Oh and the knee cracking doesn't hurt. Mine do this all the time, it's just loud and annoying. *G* But a good way to incorporate sound into a soundless piece...I think...*G*
>>
>>Startled, I glanced up to see him smile.
>>
>>His physical need was undiminished, but he no longer
>>had use for me. His lashes fluttered, then as if it
>>were a great effort, his eyes opened. He licked his
>>lips. �So you�ve done your good deed. You�ve saved
>>what should not have been saved. Go. My brother will
>>take care of you.�
>
>Oh, those bossy men! Go, stay, come. Look how
>noble I am to "give" you to my brother. Grrrr.

LOL Yeah...well...have you noticed he's always the first one to come to her rescue???
>
>Ahem. Can you tell I'm just the tiniest bit caught up
>in this story?

Hmmmm...I don't know...Cadmus didn't seem to get any reaction from you at all when he infringed on Fallon's mate...LOL

Perhaps I should have posted this bit as well...

�You have not earned your peace.� I gripped his jaw, pressing hard, turning his face back towards me at the same time the relaxing atmosphere disappeared to be replaced with the chamber Fallon had grown up in. After the soothing roar of the waterfall the oppressed silence in this chamber had my ears imagining screams of those who had been tortured. I had taken him back to his childhood nightmare, and now used his memories against him. Designed for such a purpose as I had in mind, the table he lay on had hooks in strategic placements. I stepped back and used them to restrain him with a thought. �I am not satisfied.�

Fallon tested the shackles chaining him to the table; the muscles in his arms flexed and contracted. Anger glared out at me from behind his eyes. �This is not your fantasy Heather.� Without effort he broke free, the hooks breaking off and clattering on the floor.

�How would you know?� Another thought replaced the rusty manacles with stronger steel bindings. �You�re too full of self-pity to notice what I need.� By my will, his legs were chained as well. Spread-eagled and shackled before me, he looked comfortable. His scent had changed. I recognized the musk of arousal, the magic signifying the excitement and trepidation.

Fallon smiled, his lips curling into a mocking grin. �You need what every woman needs.�

�Oh? What�s that?� Phantom hands and oh so skilful fingers eased off my shoes and caressed my ankles, replacing the clothing I wore. As his gaze held me in rapture he was weaving skin tight black leather strips up my calves, to my thighs and up between my legs. Thinner strips wrapped themselves around my sensitive pubic area creating a crotch-less thong that bared all.

Fallon smiled. �You don�t want to play the game with me Heather.�

�You so sure?� I swallowed, cursing the quiver I heard in my voice.

His smile widened. �Yeah.�

His hands continued upward, past my stomach, stopping for a brief moment at my breasts. Now covered in strips of leather that kept my nipples free, the caress of his fingers continued on, and went up over my shoulders, down my arms. Before I could react to his intent, he used the material to bind my hands behind my back like a reverse straight jacket. The tension in my arms was uncomfortable. And painful.

Then, in one lithe movement, Fallon sat up as if my restraints weren�t there. There was no flexing of muscles and no strain to free himself. It was as if the metal faded into his skin.

�Tsk. Tsk.� He shook his head in mockery. �You have to mean what you want Heather.� The iron around his ankles disappeared.

I struggled to escape but the more I squirmed, the tighter the binds. The leather straps around my shoulders dug into my skin. Granny underwear held a sudden pain-free appeal. I thought of being free, of wearing my comfortable sweater and sweatpants.

Nothing happened.

Fallon chuckled as he jumped off the table. Here are my rules.
>
>I take off my hat to you, Esther. This excerpt was
>much, much more visual with losing any of your
>voice. Although their world is so different, you
>provided enough description to let us see it while
>still maintaining that otherwordly feel. Super job!

Whoo hoo! Thanks Page!

Hugs back

Esther
>
>Oh, and I'm sorry I missed your call the other day.
>You managed to catch one of the few times I actually
>leave the house! *G*

No worries. I'll put what I wanted to say in an email when I get the time to sit down and actually coherently focus my thoughts.

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