Date Posted:19:55:35 03/23/10 Tue Author:debikm Subject: I think Page said everything I was going to. Foiled again ;-) In reply to:
susiej
's message, "in here->>>" on 12:16:50 03/23/10 Tue
The only thing I found that she didn't comment on was this
>Rose caught a movement behind him. The midwife stood
>in the hall shaking her head. But Rose didn’t care for
>a tiny hand closed round her finger reaching somehow
>straight to her heart which throbbed wildly birthing a
>fierce and tender love.
I love the sentiment expressed. The last senstance was just a bit long. I suggest breaking it up some. I'm not sure whatv Rose didn't care for, I'm assuming the midwife's attitude. A couple of well placed commas could help. "Rose didn't care, for a tiny hand closed round her finger, reaching straight to her heart. It throbbed, birthing a fierce and tender love." Really nice, susiej! Sets the tone right off the bat. I can't wait to see what's next!
debikm