Date Posted:09:25:49 04/27/10 Tue Author: Fi Subject: This is why an extra pair of eyes is good In reply to:
Debi
's message, "And that's a fine story..." on 18:34:05 04/23/10 Fri
>Close to the hearth sat an old man
>>holding a pipe with fingers like twigs. This was
>the only thing that tripped me up. It sounds like the
>pipe has fingers, not the old man.>A yellow-haired
>girl plonked two tankards of ale on
>>the table The only table in the tavern?and
>swept past Richard and Miguel to bump
>>shut the great wooden door; she gave quite a thwack
>>for such a skinny-hipped girl.
Nice catch! I've changed it to:
"Close to the hearth sat an old man, with fingers like twigs, smoking a pipe. A yellow-haired girl plonked two tankards of ale on a table..."
Glad you enjoyed the extract and I hope to post more soon
