Re: The emancipation of Miss Rhett >>>> -- Ladies of Lallybroch Literary Forum

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Date Posted: 06:04:28 01/09/10 Sat
Author: Lady Morilka
Subject: Re: The emancipation of Miss Rhett >>>>
In reply to: Page 's message, "The emancipation of Miss Rhett >>>>" on 16:14:19 01/02/10 Sat

>Excerpt from working title Rhett
>�2009 by Juli Page Morgan
>Posted for purposes of critique only and does not
>constitute publication
>
>Hungry shoppers thronged the food court at Ridgmar
>Mall and seating was at a premium. Rhett spotted a
>group of women vacating a small table and hurried to
>plunk her shopping bags on it, thwarting three
>teenagers who had been headed in that direction.
>Ignoring the surly looks, Rhett dropped into a chair
>with a sigh of relief. She arranged her purchases
>between her feet where they wouldn�t be readily
>accessible to anyone with thievery on their mind and
>kept a firm grip on the few bags Lilith had collected.
> By craning her neck Rhett could just see the top of
>Lilith�s fashionably short blonde bob at the Manchu
>Wok counter.
I love this description, it is so real. All those little things you need to think about when trying to eat somthing at a mall.
Out of the corner of her eye she spotted
>one of the rejected teenagers coming toward her,
>eyeing the empty chairs around the table. Rhett swung
>one leg up and settled it on the seat of the chair
>nearest her to save it for Lilith and allowed the
>scantily clad girl to silently remove the other two
>chairs to wherever her friends had chosen to light,
>even though the child hadn't bothered to ask
>permission before taking them.
>
>�You�re welcome,� Rhett called after the girl, her
>voice dripping sarcasm.
Could be me. lol
The girl didn�t turn to
>acknowledge it, but Rhett was almost sure she could
>hear her eyes rolling. Repressing the urge to add a
>comment to the effect that teenagers shouldn�t buy
>their clothes at Baby Gap,
I'm not sure about that line here. Sure, it would make a great comment, but with Rhett recalling that her shirt is from the teen department, just moments later, it seems odd. It is not a feeling on the first read, but on the second it struck me.
Rhett removed her handbag
>from her shoulder and settled it on her lap. A few
>moments later, Lilith arrived, carefully balancing
>their food and drinks. Rhett reached up and relieved
>her daughter of some of her burden and Lilith smiled.
>
>�Thanks.� She placed the two paper cups on the table.
> �I thought for sure that top one was going to end up
>on the floor before I got here. It kept trying to
>slide right off all the way over.�
So the food threatend to slide, but the drinks were fine? Sounds a bit odd to me because usually the higher stuff (cups and so) is more in danger of falling. Maybe if you change the "burden" into "stacked food" or so, it would be clearer. Cos I keep wondering with every read how Lilith has the cups after part of the burden was taken. sounds like a lot of jugling around cups to reach the food to take off. .oO(am I making sense here?)
>
>�I�m glad it didn�t.� Rhett popped the clear plastic
>lid off the dish and took a deep, appreciative sniff
>of the mouthwatering aroma that rose from it. �I�ve
>been wanting General Tso�s Chicken so bad I�d have
>probably eaten it off the floor.�
>
>They ate in silence for a while, satiating <- what does that word mean? My dictionary doesn't know it. the hunger
>that could only come from a morning of serious
>shopping. Rhett felt her daughter�s frequent glances,
>but chose not to acknowledge them. Lilith had been
>looking at her as if she expected another head to come
>popping out of the neck of Rhett�s shirt since she�d
>seen the new car that morning. The speculative looks
>had increased with every purchase Rhett had made from
>Neiman-Marcus and Rhett knew it was only a matter of
>time before Lilith made some sort of comment. Rhett
>wanted to enjoy her food before having to explain
>herself to her daughter. Not that she needed to
>explain, but for some reason children thought they
>were due one.
>
>After the food had been consumed, they sat sipping
>their iced tea and resting their feet. Lilith smiled.
> �I meant to tell you, you look nice today.�
>
>Here it came. Although Rhett was sure the compliment
>was sincere, she didn�t miss the note of amusement in
>her daughter�s voice. �Why, thank you, sweetie.
>These are the jeans you got me for Christmas.�
Love that, completly unexpectet, and you can already guess that lilith will be taken aback for a moment. :)
>
>�Really?� Lilith�s eyebrows arched. �They look good
>on you. I don�t remember that top, though. Or those
>shoes.�
>
>�They�re new.� Rhett shrugged. �I got �em at Macy�s
>last week.� She didn�t add that the top had come from
>the Junior�s department since she hadn�t liked
>anything she�d seen in the Women�s section. The
>neckline of the sleeveless blouse was embellished with
>fake jewels that matched the vibrant red of the
>fabric. Rhett had never owned anything like it and
>had fallen in love with the way it looked on her the
>minute she tried it on. The three inch heels on her
>silver sandals were causing her feet to sing Ave Maria
>with each step she took, but they�d been too pretty
>and sexy to pass up. I will never understand people who go shopping in high heels or otherwise uncomfortable shoes.
>
>Lilith nodded and took a noisy slurp through her
>straw. �Are you liking your new car?�
>
>�Love it,� Rhett replied, pretending to scan the
>passing crowd.
>
>�Good.� Lilith�s eyes narrowed. �I just hope you
>know what you�re doing.�
Kids can have interesting way of expressing concern for their parents, very real.
>
>With an internal sigh Rhett turned her gaze to her
>child. �What�s that supposed to mean?�
>
>�Nothing!� Lilith managed to look shocked and
>innocent at the same time. �If you want a BMW then
>you should have one.� Rhett waited for the rest.
>�And if you want to wear clothes too young for you,
>then I guess that�s your call, too.�
>
>Rhett slapped her cup down so hard the table rattled.
>�Too young for me? Is that what you just said? I�m
>sorry, but I didn�t see any age restrictions on
>anything I bought.�
>
>A prissy, self righteous expression covered Lilith�s
>face. LOL �Well Mother, you know as well as I do that
>most of the things you bought today are for women who
>are�who aren�t� you know.�
>
>�Who aren�t old?� Rhett leaned toward Lilith with a
>frown. �You think I�m too old to look good, is that
>it?�
>
>�Mother.� Lilith rolled her eyes. �It�s just the
>clothes, the car, the Facebook page for cryin� out
>loud. You have to admit you�re starting to act a
>little middle age crazy here.� And with those words,
>the fuse was lit on Rhett�s temper.
>
>�Middle age crazy? Did you seriously just call me
>middle age crazy?� Rhett knew from Lilith�s wince
>that her voice was a tad too loud for polite society,
>but she didn�t care. �That�s the most insulting thing
>I�ve ever heard. Let me tell you something, oh child
>of mine. There�s no such thing as middle age crazy.
>It�s middle age taking your life back, that�s what it
>is. After years of paying for cheerleading camps and
>Girl Scout trips and textbooks not covered by the
>scholarship, and after years of devoting all your time
>and energy to raising your children the best way you
>know how and making sure they have everything they
>need,
I would add the love fore said children here cos other wise it sounds a bit as if she might even regrett having had them. And after such a tirade I at liliths place would have wondered if my mom regrettet having kids, instead of cheering her.
you wake up and remember who you really are,
>that�s what it is. It�s realizing you�re still the
>person you used to be, somebody other than a mother,
>or a father. It�s being able to finally spend the
>money you work so hard for on yourself, to listen to
>your AC/DC records as loud as you want, and to hang a
>big ass poster of Jimmy Page over your bed. It�s
>looking in the mirror and realizing you still look
>damn good and thumbing your nose at anyone who says
>you have to wear flowered muu-muus and soccer mom
>jeans and Keds. It�s living your life the way you
>want, because you�ve earned it, that�s what it
>is!�
>
>With a start, Rhett realized the food court was
>silent. After a moment in which nothing was heard but
>the splash of water in the fountain, a smattering of
>applause began. It started small, but grew in
>intensity as women and men expressed their agreement.
rofl
>
>�Preach it, sister!� hollered one woman sitting in
>front of the Sonic counter.
>
>�Yes, ma�am,� stated another from across the
>food court.
>
>Cheeks flaming, Rhett straightened her back and gave a
>small wave to her new army of admirers. She risked at
>glance at Lilith and found her daughter staring at
>her, a smile tugging the corners of her lips.
>
>�Don�t hold back, Mama,� Lilith intoned. �Tell us how
>you really feel.�

It is a great scene, brilliant work, and you managed to make it enjoyable and exagerated without it crossing the line to sillyness. That way the scene has a lot of debth while still be great fun. I think what Rhett had here in the end is what many dream about, but would never dare to say out loud where people could hear.

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