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Date Posted: 10:17:53 11/04/09 Wed
Author: dea
Subject: i like it
In reply to: Page 's message, "I see where you're coming from, and have made a few slight revisions, highlighting Katie's beliefs, and what that would mean to her. Tell me what you think of it this way >>>>>" on 19:30:33 10/31/09 Sat

i like the changes. it was on the edge of making me uncomfortable, because i have this thing with men forcing women to sex... but that's my problem. it was hard for me to have Ashton do exactly that to Bryony. not a beautiful thing to see, but he had to be flawed. to learn. the same with Jay, i love this part:

The caress on her hair stilled, and she felt the stiffening of his muscles against her hands. “Play you?” The pain in his voice was palpable. “Do you really think that’s what I’m trying to do?”

the way he feels hurt, almost shocked with her reaction. then my other favourite lines make even more sense, because maybe Jay finally understands what makes his heart jump. thank you. thank you.

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[> [> [> [> [> Thank you! >>>> -- Page, 13:35:21 11/05/09 Thu

I need to do a bit of work on Jay's holding Katie's hair, to make it clear he wasn't yanking her around with it, or hurting her. He was just holding her still. Although I've not posted them, the book has quite a few instances that make it clear Jay has a thing for Katie's hair. The day after they first met, he admitted to her he wanted to wake up with her hair all around him. He was always playing with her hair, wrapping it round his neck, spreading it over the pillow so he could put his cheek against it, etc. So when she gets so close to him here, he can't help but get his hands in it, and simply tightened his grip when she attempted to bolt away.

I'm relieved that Jay's hurt and bewilderment comes through. He knew she wanted him, but when she said no, he thought that meant no to everything, not just sex. Hard to get across from Katie's POV, but I wasn't about to write a section from Jay's. I've already got way too many words! *G*

Glad you liked it, and I appreciate your suggestions that helped to clarify this bit!


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