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Date Posted: 19:30:33 10/31/09 Sat
Author: Page
Subject: I see where you're coming from, and have made a few slight revisions, highlighting Katie's beliefs, and what that would mean to her. Tell me what you think of it this way >>>>>
In reply to: dea 's message, "i'm honoured..." on 17:17:53 10/30/09 Fri

A quick word or two of clarification...

Katie truly wasn't much bothered by Jay's having sex with other people. I know that's an attitude not shared by many, but Katie understood why he did it. As long as he didn't have a romantic interest in any of those women, she didn't mind if he got his rocks off with them. None of it had anything to do with the way he felt about her, and she wasn't threatened by it. So that was never an issue for her.

As for Jay, he wasn't best pleased that she slept with Jimmy that one time when they met up in Chicago, but he honestly accepted it, because he knew why she did it. After all, she'd spent a night with Jimmy before, while she lived with Adam. That's why Jay didn't have too much of a problem with it. He knew that Katie was lonely and scared during that tour, and when she met up with Jimmy, he was familiar, comforting. Jay realized it didn't mean a thing to Katie, other than the comfort she needed that night. If she'd kept seeing Jimmy afterwards, then they would have had a problem. But she didn't, because she didn't want him. I know that might not make a lot of sense, but that's the mindset of both Jay and Katie. (Jimmy, too, if we're being honest. *G*)

I like what you said, about men having sex to be well and women having sex when they are well. It made me think that Jay would at least attempt to make love to Katie, thinking it would help them heal. So I've made a few changes...


Jay nodded, and stood, removing his jacket. “I should tell you, though, that if I don’t agree with your decision, I’m going to fight you on it.”

Her eyes stuttered to his face, and she felt the blood drain from her cheeks.

He arched an eyebrow. “That’s right, Katie. If I have to hang round for the rest of my life playing guitar under your window, I will. I love you, and I’m not going anywhere. I left once, and I’ll be damned if I’ll ever do it again.”

“So that’s the way it’s going to be?” Her voice was breathless with astonishment. “You won’t respect my decision if I decide to kick your ass to the curb?”

“You’ve got it.” Hands on hips, he stared at her, unwavering.

“You are the most…I can’t believe you’d…” Spluttering with anger, she stalked to where he stood, and glared up at him. “I respected your decision! It was quite clear you didn’t want me around, no matter what you say now, so I didn’t try to find you and foist my unwelcome presence on you. No matter how badly I wanted to, I didn’t look for you.”

Black hair cascaded over his shoulder as he tilted his head. “Another reason I thought you didn’t need me.”

Infuriated by his manner as much as his words, Katie put her hands on his chest, and shoved him back. Jay grasped her around the waist to keep his balance, the movement bringing their bodies into close contact. Katie gasped, and tried to pull away, but he only pulled her closer. She stopped her struggles as she felt the effect they had on Jay. It took every ounce of self control she possessed not to grind her hips against that growing hardness, to tear his shirt from him and press her lips to his skin. She firmed her features and looked at him, striving for detachment. “Let me go, Jay. I don’t want this.”

“Oh, don’t you?” His hand tangled in her hair, and pulled gently, tilting her head back. “Your eyes can’t lie, Katie. They never could.”

Although she realized it was a clear case of closing the barn door after the horse had escaped, she closed her eyes. He’d told her numerous times her eyes changed color when he aroused her, and it appeared they still did.

“Too late, love,” he whispered. “I know you want me, and God knows I want you.” His grip on her hair changed, fingers sliding through the strands with tenderness. “Let me love you, Katie. Let me show you how much I do want you, how much I love you.”

She felt his body tremble with barely restrained desire, and temptation suffused her, warm and pulsing, its lure almost irresistible. Christ, she did want him, wanted him with every cell in her body. But she knew it wouldn’t solve anything. On the contrary, it would just confuse things. She shook her head. “No, Jay. Sex won’t make it better. I can’t think when you touch me. I won’t let you play me that way.”

The caress on her hair stilled, and she felt the stiffening of his muscles against her hands. “Play you?” The pain in his voice was palpable. “Do you really think that’s what I’m trying to do?”

Katie shook her head. “No. But that’s what you’re doing. So please let me go.” He released her abruptly, and she had to stop herself from reaching for him again. “Just…sleep. Okay? We’ll talk again when you wake up.” She had to turn away from the dejected slump of his shoulders, the devastation she saw in his eyes. It was clear he thought she’d made her decision, that he saw her rejection of sex as a rejection of him. She knew, though, that if she tried to explain, she’d end up in his arms again. The bed next to them seemed taunt her with its presence, its promise of physical bliss, the chance to lose herself in Jay. But she knew it would be nothing more than another plaster, the wounds still present underneath. So, shaking, she left the room, and pulled the door closed behind her.


The next morning, and Katie's on the deck...

Christ, she’d missed him! The moment she’d seen him standing on the porch, she’d realized for the first time just how lonely she’d been. Even though their conversation had been uncomfortable, it had still healed something within her to be in the same room with him, to know that he cared enough to come to her.

It had been the hardest thing she’d ever done, to turn and walk away from him the night before with desire pulsating between them, so strong it seemed to suck all the air from the room. She’d craved his touch, his mouth on her body, the feel of him vibrating like a steel rod inside her, and to turn that down was like denying herself breath. She knew Jay believed sex would help heal the tremendous rift between them, but Katie saw it differently. To her, sex was an act of absolute trust. To be with a man like that, vulnerable in her nakedness, open and willing to have him do whatever he wanted, was to acknowledge a belief that he wouldn’t hurt her. And with Jay, it went so much further. Sex with Jay had always been more than just a physical joining. From their very first time together, it had gone deeper than that, had connected not only their bodies, but their hearts and minds, as well. Katie had always known that, somehow, when he possessed her body he also possessed her soul. And now, after all that had happened, she didn’t know if she could trust him. Because, if she gave herself to him again, gave him all of herself, and he were to leave…

She sighed, and glanced toward the closed bedroom door. She’d sneaked in the room the night before, to get her toothbrush and her robe, but Jay hadn’t stirred. A sudden urge to reassure herself that he was still there propelled her back into the house. She deposited her cup on the kitchen counter, and strode toward the bedroom.

She's now in the bedroom, kneeling next to the bed, and has caught sight of Jay's wedding band...

The sight of the plain band made the strength drain from her body, leaving her sagging next to the bed. For some reason, she never dreamed he would still be wearing it. The promises she’d made to him when she placed it on his finger came roaring back. Her own hand trembled as she held it next to his, and she could hear his voice making the same promises to her. The matching bands on their hands seemed to jeer at her, berating her for her lack of faith in him.

“He’s my husband, and he made a promise to me. And I’m going to hold him to that promise, no matter what…”

She’d meant that when she said it to Adam on that summer afternoon. But it occurred to her that maybe Jay was going to hold her to her own promise to him. And she was hesitating, trying to hold something over his head, something for which he’d apologized. Wouldn’t she expect him to believe her if she were to tell him she was sorry? Damn right, she would. She’d be insulted if he didn’t. What kind of a bloody hypocrite was she, to hold Jay to a higher standard than she’d hold herself? Just what extraordinary feat was he supposed to do to earn her trust again? By coming to her, admitting his wrongs, he’d made himself vulnerable to her, and she had dismissed it out of hand, focusing only on her own hurt and heartbreak, never once considering his.

And then she realizes he's awake, and the ending is the same. I didn't go too much into the sex here, because it's more a reconnection than their usual sexual pyrotechnics. Jay gets to show his wife how much he cares and is able to heal, and Katie admits she trusts him not to hurt her again. Does that make sense?

Oh, and I still don't mean to make you cry, although I'm beyond touched that you do!

Hugs,
Page


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Replies:

[> [> [> [> i like it -- dea, 10:17:53 11/04/09 Wed

i like the changes. it was on the edge of making me uncomfortable, because i have this thing with men forcing women to sex... but that's my problem. it was hard for me to have Ashton do exactly that to Bryony. not a beautiful thing to see, but he had to be flawed. to learn. the same with Jay, i love this part:

The caress on her hair stilled, and she felt the stiffening of his muscles against her hands. “Play you?” The pain in his voice was palpable. “Do you really think that’s what I’m trying to do?”

the way he feels hurt, almost shocked with her reaction. then my other favourite lines make even more sense, because maybe Jay finally understands what makes his heart jump. thank you. thank you.

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[> [> [> [> [> Thank you! >>>> -- Page, 13:35:21 11/05/09 Thu

I need to do a bit of work on Jay's holding Katie's hair, to make it clear he wasn't yanking her around with it, or hurting her. He was just holding her still. Although I've not posted them, the book has quite a few instances that make it clear Jay has a thing for Katie's hair. The day after they first met, he admitted to her he wanted to wake up with her hair all around him. He was always playing with her hair, wrapping it round his neck, spreading it over the pillow so he could put his cheek against it, etc. So when she gets so close to him here, he can't help but get his hands in it, and simply tightened his grip when she attempted to bolt away.

I'm relieved that Jay's hurt and bewilderment comes through. He knew she wanted him, but when she said no, he thought that meant no to everything, not just sex. Hard to get across from Katie's POV, but I wasn't about to write a section from Jay's. I've already got way too many words! *G*

Glad you liked it, and I appreciate your suggestions that helped to clarify this bit!

Hugs,
Page

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[> [> [> [> Ooohhhh... I like this! -- Debi, 19:45:29 11/09/09 Mon

I think that 'almost" bit added even more tension and complexity to the scene. Great change!

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[> [> [> [> [> Thank you SO much! I was afraid it was too much, but you've put my mind at ease! -- Page, 23:00:37 11/13/09 Fri

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