>I liked Walter immediately! You brought him to life
>so well, not only with Molly's conscious observations
>-- clear eyes, no drinking or drugs -- but with little
>things like his standing up straight, holding open the
>door for her. It was clear he was no lazy, shiftless
>sponge, but a man of worth just down on his luck. I was hoping that would come across well. Walter's had a rough time but he's still a good man, he hasn't given in to hopelessness. The
>reaction of Jimmy (hm. Something about that name just
>mesmerizes me. Wonder what it could be? *G*) I wonder? is
>good, too, with his initial wariness turning to trust.
> I really like this bit. Just a few nits to pick:
>
>He seemed to gather his composure and his
>belongings. I know what you're saying here, but
>it reads funny to me, leaves me wondering how he could
>seem to gather his belongings. Maybe "He seemed to
>gather his composure as he gathered his belongings?"
>
>That’s what musicians and jukeboxes are for to
>me. This sentence brought me up short, and
>stopped my reading. How about, "For me, that's what
>musicians and jukeboxes are for." Or something along
>those lines.
Fixes on their way!
>
>Otherwise, great work! I'm so enjoying Molly's world!
>
>Hugs,
>Page
