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Date Posted: 08:45:16 11/07/09 Sat
Author: Debi
Subject: *sigh* Someone shoot me please...
In reply to:
Debi
's message, "More Molly" on 08:39:57 11/07/09 Sat
I'm a dumbass. I need a keeper to prevent this from happening Every Single Time.
*sigh*
And still no word from Voy Forums, even though I've tried to contact them about getting my editing priviledges. *knockknockknock* Did the Internet eat my email?
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It's that whole bill-paying thing. Destroys more brain cells than a bottle of Ripple >>>> -- 
Page, 13:20:46 11/08/09 Sun
Stay on Voy's ass about it, though. I think they're a little overwhelmed at how busy their boards are, and get too excited about new servers and things like that, but that doesn't excuse not replying to you. Sic 'em, girl! *G*
I think you did a bang up job with this piece! Molly came to life vividly, and without it ending up as an info dump. And not only Molly, but her surroundings, too. I also like the way Gil was incorporated in here, the mention of him being a musician, and Molly's reaction letting me know that whatever it is between them is complicated. (Declan is also wonderful, ignoring Molly's mutterings, knowing she doesn't mean a word of it. Dogs are wonderful creatures!)
Hugs,
Page
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Now, why would we want to shoot ya when you give us such good grins every so often. -- susiej, 10:56:57 11/09/09 Mon
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now as for Molly>>> -- susiej, 11:12:49 11/09/09 Mon
It's a great beginning full of character and atmosphere and as Paige said a nice slip in of the love interest. It does need some tightening, but you know that. The most glaring to me was a repeat of the idea and the actual word of years in one of the sentences toward the beginning. And the phrasing of the sentence about her choice of dress-most of the time, she never, etc. etc- got a little wordy.
And it may be a tad too much physical description all at once. But perhaps that justs my taste- I don't feel the need to know exactly how a character looks, not right away certainly. Even when DG goes into Jamie's knife edged nose a tad too long and generous mouth- I tend to glaze over, but others like it. And some of the details gave us good background- no kids, riding, likes to change her hair color- stuff like that, so that's probably what you'd want to hang on to.
Really great start! I'm so psyched/proud you're doing the Nano and I can live vicariously through you.
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Thank you susiej! -- Debi, 19:38:16 11/09/09 Mon
>It's a great beginning full of character and
>atmosphere and as Paige said a nice slip in of the
>love interest. It does need some tightening, but you
>know that. The most glaring to me was a repeat of the
>idea and the actual word of years in one of the
>sentences toward the beginning. And the phrasing of
>the sentence about her choice of dress-most of the
>time, she never, etc. etc- got a little wordy.
>
>And it may be a tad too much physical description all
>at once. But perhaps that justs my taste- I don't feel
>the need to know exactly how a character looks, not
>right away certainly. Even when DG goes into Jamie's
>knife edged nose a tad too long and generous mouth- I
>tend to glaze over, but others like it. And some of
>the details gave us good background- no kids, riding,
>likes to change her hair color- stuff like that, so
>that's probably what you'd want to hang on to.
>
>Really great start! I'm so psyched/proud you're doing
>the Nano and I can live vicariously through you.
Well, I am trying to hit 50,000 words...*wink* But you're right, it can use some tightening up. I was looking for a way to give readers an idea of what she looked like and the setting. I'll work on it after NaNo is over. Thankis for the comments and ideas.
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