Re: Feast or Famine -- English 101.01

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Subject: Re: Feast or Famine

Author:
Tracy Houghton

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Date Posted: 22:37:29 04/08/04 Thu
In reply to: Kathleen Cartmell 's message, "Feast or Famine" on 20:13:57 04/08/04 Thu

(1)This proposal is for a game show where the objective is for each of the four obese participants to lose as little weight as possible while living in a desert environment with little to no food. The spin, involving overweight participants with a goal of keeping on the weight, sparks new interest in the popular reality TV concept.
(2) The description of each character got my attention. Each character has a funny and unusual history. Adding details about the specific obstacles these people will have to overcome will add more to the proposal.
(3) I like the creativity used in describing the characters pasts. The unique details make me want to know more about these people. I was confused as to what would go on during each episode, as well as how long the show would last. More details about the other qualifying participants would also help explain the concept of the show. That portion of the proposal was a bit unclear.
(4) The sentence fragments at the beginning need to be made into complete sentences, or to keep the effect that the fragments where probably meant to have, add semi colons. Also, there are many places where commas are used instead of periods, creating run on sentences. Making those into smaller, complete sentences will make the proposal easier to read. There are also places that have problems with subject/verb agreement. This will probably be easier to detect once the run on sentences are fixed.

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
Re: Feast or Famine	TJ Weber	15:36:32 04/09/04 Fri