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Date Posted: 20:35:49 03/29/03 Sat
Author: rainbownine
Subject: tend to disagree with all of the above...
In reply to: djknappsak 's message, "okay shall we try to get this debate rolling again??(m)" on 09:25:59 03/29/03 Sat

IMO the clothes are but a symptom of a greater need and greater want. The challenge is to discover the need and want.

Having raised several girls and boys well into teenagehood rebellion is not an outcome to be expected. Kids of eleven desperately want to "fit". The question to ask is why does this eleven year old want to fit in this particular way?

We have managed to give a number of our kids enough self awareness to understand how, ultimately, clothes are of little importance to one's standing overall. Of course, this means when clothes are INappropriate we don't over react. It's not about "who rules the roost" or "who is in control", it is more about allowing and teaching the kids how to manage their own enviornment and desired outcomes.

We have one DD (special needs and 12) who is struggling with this very issue. It is being presented through her clothing and some behaviours. It would do her and her relationships with us, no good to come down hard and start with "rules". Instead, we are choosing to focus on the "cause", her inate need and struggle to "fit" as she percieves that need.

So far, we are making gains and her behaviour is turning around. Attempting to understand goes way further with adolescents than setting "rules" and "consequences".

Louise.

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