I'm having a row!! -- Griff's Movie Review Message Board

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Date Posted: 00:21:37 06/16/01 Sat
Author: Rich
Subject:

I'm having a row!!

I got an Instant Message marked "mutttley0 has sent you an instant message. Do you accept?"

So I clicked yes, and the following ensued: (I was playing Devil's Advocate a little)...

mutttley0: hi
RCalla6725: Hi
mutttley0: i read your review of the breakfast club on the imdb
RCalla6725: Oh?
mutttley0: yeah i just wanted to tell you to keep your day job
RCalla6725: Have we spoke about this before?
mutttley0: um no i just read it last night
RCalla6725: Oh right, someone else contacted me about it. So I presume you've written your own reviews as you're obviously an authority on what makes a good review.
mutttley0: uhhhh sure whatever
mutttley0: i just think you sound like an opinionated arse who is a full time wanker
RCalla6725: Is that it? Great put-downs, mate. You've got me crying here. Oh, swearing now.
RCalla6725: Actually, you're right
mutttley0: you're just an english arrogant asshole i see i am correct mate
RCalla6725: I am an opinionated arse and a full-time wanker: you, meanwhile, are a fatuous prick with shit for brains. And a dumb Yank at that.
mutttley0: wow i'm impressed you english piece of shit
mutttley0: learn how to write a review moron
RCalla6725: Show me - what was wrong with my review?
RCalla6725: I bet your command of the English language is so wonderful you could show me how to construct a great review
mutttley0: probably
mutttley0: is that all you do, write poor reviews about movies you know nothing about?
RCalla6725: So why was it a poor review? Because I gave an opinion you didn't agree with. It was subjective view - deal with it, you stupid cunt.
mutttley0: oooh someone is intelligent, "stupid cunt" is a phrase which obviously shows your level of brilliance
mutttley0: i'm just saying you're an english moron who wanks all day and you're probably a 35 year old living with mum and dad
RCalla6725: So you're so great (wrong, btw) that you spend your evenings mailing people like me? If I'm so sad then what does that make you?
RCalla6725: What's your problem, anyway? So you didn't like my review? Who cares? Go fuck yourself!
mutttley0: actually dick lick, it's day time and i haven't mailed anything to you idiot
mutttley0: i'm saying you're a fucking moron
mutttley0: do people call you dick or do you just act like one all the time?
RCalla6725: So why are you more intelligent than I am, Noel Coward?
mutttley0: what asshole?
RCalla6725: Shall I explain it in two-syllable words, you intellectual giant?
mutttley0: yes because i didnt get that last IM you shitface
RCalla6725: Noel Coward was a renouned wit. I was calling you that ironically (Do you understand irony over there?) to indicate that you have all the charm, wit and humour of an anal pollip.
mutttley0: you're a cock sucking idiot who has feeble opinions which you can't back up, do you understand that over there?
mutttley0: probably spend the rest of your time in gay disco bars sucking men
RCalla6725: So talk about them if you've got something to say rather than just going in for puerile name-calling. Intriguing how you bring up the gay motive, as well - have you got something to hide?

Did you think my review was badly constructed? Did you think I didn't present my argument fully?

Or are you just an immature little prick who didn't agree with my opinion and so is crying like a little girl?
mutttley0: you're just an arrogant wanker who has nothing better to do and your idea of a good movie is probably something with show tunes
mutttley0: i have nothing to hide, as i am heterosexual unlike yourself
RCalla6725: So how does that answer my question?
mutttley0: i've wasted enough time, i've said what i needed to say
RCalla6725: Why this hostility towards homosexuals? God, you really think that's a blistering put-down, don't you?
RCalla6725: Oh, now who's arrogant?
RCalla6725: "I've said my piece and that's that"
mutttley0: not a put down, just a fact
mutttley0: you imbecile, i didnt' say i've said my piece
RCalla6725: Well here's mine: you're a 14-year-old virgin with a 2 inch penis
mutttley0: you moron
mutttley0: i really dont need any descriptions of you, i dont care
RCalla6725: Okay, I give up. You're right, I am a moron. I really can't hope to compete with a high intellect like yours. You're too quick for me, lightning boy
RCalla6725: Well if you don't care then why are you IMing me?
mutttley0: thats what i thought you 1 inch cheese dick who wanks it to his mothers picture
RCalla6725: Oh, I owe your mum a $5 for last time btw. She was rubbish.
mutttley0: wow that was good
RCalla6725: Your Dad was better - you're right, I am gay - I give it your dad in the mouth most nights so I must be.
mutttley0: just becuz you're a 30 year old virgin with a tiny penis who lives at home doesn't mean you can insult me
RCalla6725: I must say you are tedious
mutttley0: hmmm well alright
RCalla6725: Go on, fuck off now, you're boring me, you acne-faced virgin
mutttley0: have a nice life, i hope you get aids and die
mutttley0: i'm clearly not a virgin
mutttley0: your mother wasn't that good
RCalla6725: Me too - I'll catch it off your mother [Returned Message: mutttley0 is no longer signed on. I guess the little prick couldn't take some Richy abuse. Arsehole.]

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Replies:

There are WAY too many people like that out there - I mean, we banter and call each other infantile names but we're only arsing around. It's quite scary that some people take so much offence at bad reviews of films they like that they'll actually talk to someone like that! God, that guy makes Ron look like he should be on Newsnight Review sat next to Tom Paulin. Good on yer for taking him on though! What is Instant Messaging, anyway? How do you get it? Hey, I just watched The Long Good Friday. Not bad I guess, **1/2, bit dull but Bob Hoskins was good. (NT) -- Griff, 09:25:14 06/16/01 Sat
- Shut up you long streak of paralysed piss! (NT) -- Harold, 09:42:22 06/16/01 Sat
- No review of The Long Good Friday then Grigg? I'll see where to get Instant Messaging, you don't have to be an AOL member to get it. That way I can abuse you in real-time when you're on-line. The Breakfast Club is the one I'm getting the most on - that and people telling me I got a detail wrong on my Deer Hunter review. It's frightening how many Americans seem to be homophobic though, isn't it? Though I guess they're not all dickless pieces of shit like this guy. (NT) -- Harold, 09:44:55 06/16/01 Sat
  - Shit, I forgot to change the name on that last one! That's given the game away, hasn't it? Okay, I admit it - Harold was me all the time! (NT) -- Rich, 09:46:26 06/16/01 Sat
    - Got this through the IMDb: "your review of running man wasn't really a joke until I read your review of 12 angry men. Let's hope I'm the only one who wasted time on your reviews.". I replied: "Hi "geidde". I assume from your note that you think The Running Man is a classic and 12 Angry Men isn't. That's fine. You're expressing an opinion, just as I was expressing mine. If you don't agree with it, tough. Next time write your own review, or just accept that people have differences of opinion. Just don't bother boring the crap out of me by sending me whining messages little a little girl."
      Incidentally, Tripod is playing up at the moment, but keep an eye on the picture of Jim Jimmer in Big Grigger... it should miraculously change before your eyes! Speaking of Jim and the Big Grigger household, Ron accused him of looking at his tackle and said the house was "a bunch of wankers who didn't appreciate Marching Out of Time" as he was evicted last night. (NT) -- Rich, 10:15:30 06/16/01 Sat
      - Did you see Geri's tits in the papers yesterday, Grigg? **^1/2 where they used to be *****. What a shame. I'll scan 'em in if you didn't see 'em. (NT) -- Banging On Rich, 10:17:16 06/16/01 Sat
        Yeah, scan 'em! Poor old you, why do you attract so many IMDb weirdos? I get hardly any, I'm actually quite jealous. I just saw The Big Sleep (***) - the dialogue was cracking but, try as I might, I just could not follow the plot after about the half way mark. It was so complicated I gave up. Apparently even Raymond Chandler didn't know what it was all about! I'm getting a bit worried about your Big Grigger fantasy, Rich - you do know it's all in your head, right? (NT) -- Griff, 11:24:56 06/16/01 Sat
        Oh yeah, reviews - sorry about the Psycho one, I did watch it and did the notes but I kept watching stuff all day (including Psycho II) and forgot about it. I wanted to do a Long Good Friday one but I really didn't have enough material afterwards to make it worth bothering with. Cool to see Charlie out of Casualty, Gillian "Blowjob" Taylforth and loads of other TV faces in there. (NT) -- Griff, 11:28:00 06/16/01 Sat
        The first time I saw The Big Sleep it was a **. The next time I saw it it was a **** or *****. The second viewing drastically improves it, believe me. I dunno, you go ages without a review slag-off, then three come along at once. This fucker's putting up a fight: "I WAS expressing my opinion of your reviews. Actually I think 12 Angry Men is a classic and I liked Running Man. Your "review" of my comment was off base just like your reviews of those two movies. And c'mon, who is the real whiner here. Hint, it's not me." I answered back: (NT) -- Rich, 18:09:14 06/16/01 Sat
        "Okay, so tell me: why were my reviews "off base"? Actually, I thought I was just expressing a subjective opinion, I didn't realise there were facts about the quality of those two films.
        So why is reading my reviews a waste of time? And what do you think gives you the right to stick negative mail in my inbox?
        I assume you've written your own reviews that are of an extremely high quality. If so, I'd love to read them." Oh, and Big Grigger IS real. Here's Jim Jimmer: Who spent the morning apologising to Mr.T. It is real, it is!!! Now hit the secret clicker for a new review. -- Rich, 18:13:34 06/16/01 Sat
        The Other Side is possibly the only anthology series in existence with only one story! Harlon Edison, eh? Great writer. Not quite as good as Harlan Ellison, but I hear he's not bad. (NT) -- Smug Griff, 20:08:06 06/16/01 Sat
        Sorry Rich, couldn't resist the chance to pick up on your idiotic bodge up there and be outrageously smug about it. The theme music from The Other Side is from Casualties of War y'know, we had all the best composers working on our stuff! Did you like the flattering spinning-round close-up of yours truly there? And I can't actually drive, did you spot the clever filming? Another utter classic, no doubt about it! (NT) -- Griff, 20:12:50 06/16/01 Sat
        Hey, you know Gaslight is on this week? Well the remake's on TCM (Turner Movie Classics to you commoners) at this very moment, so I can see both this week! I've got a pile of reviews waiting to be done after this holiday - only one more day to go, boo hoo hooooooo!!! My dad's got the flu so we can't take his Father's Day pressie over tomorrow, but that means I can spend the whole day in bed watching stuff - just like I've done for the last fortnight! On the slate: Attack of the 50ft Woman from tonight (seen the remake, never seen the original though) and A Clockwork Orange. (NT) -- Griff, 20:17:44 06/16/01 Sat
        Would u look at that photo?? God almighty, that was a bad haircut! (NT) -- Jim, 11:36:55 06/17/01 Sun
        Went out last night, got pissed and fainted. Suffering my first-ever hangover today. Feel like shit. Speak properly tomorrow. Post a review!!! (NT) -- Rich, 17:22:12 06/17/01 Sun

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