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That's the sound of Stan and Ollie spinning in their graves.

I won't bother listing the fundamental flaws of this movie as they're so obvious they go without saying. Small things, like this being "The All New Adventures of Laurel and Hardy" despite the stars being dead for over thirty years when it was made. Little things like that.

A bad idea would be to have actors playing buffoons who just happen to be called Laurel and Hardy. As bas as that is, it might have worked. For a really bad idea, try casting two actors to impersonate the duo. Okay, they might claim to be nephews, but the end result is the same.

Bronson Pinchot can be funny. Okay, forget his wacky foreigner "Cousin Larry" schtick in Perfect Strangers, and look at him in True Romance (****). Here though, he stinks. It's probably not all his fault, and, like the director and the support cast - all of whom are better than the material - he was probably just desperate for money. There are those who claim Americans find it difficult to master an effective English accent. This cause is not helped here by Pinchot. What is Stan? Welsh? Iranian? Pakistani? Only in Stan's trademark yelp does he come close, though as the yelp is overdone to the point of tedium that's nothing to write home about. Gailard Sartain does slightly better as Ollie, though it's like saying what's better - stepping in dog shit or a kick in the bollocks?

Remember the originals with their split-second timing, intuitive teamwork and inate loveability? Well that's absent altogether, replaced with two stupid old men and jokes so mistimed you could park a bus through the gaps.

Whereas the originals had plots that could be summed up in a couple of panels, this one has some long-winded Mummy hokum (and what a lousy title!) that's mixed in with the boys' fraternity scenario. I can't claim to have seen every single one of Laurel and Hardy's 118 movies, but I think it's a safe bet that even their nadir was leagues ahead of this.

Maybe the major problem is that the originals were sort-of playing themselves, or at least using their own accents. It at least felt natural and unforced, as opposed to the contrived caricatures Pinchot and Sartain are given. And since when did Stan do malapropisms, and so many at that? "I was gonna give you a standing cremation"; "I would like to marinate my friend." Stop it!

Only notable moment is a reference to Bozo the Clown, the cartoon character who shared Larry Harmon's L & H comic. Harmon of course bought the name copyright (how disconcerting to see an ^R after Laurel and Hardy)and was co-director and producer of this traversty.

Questions abound. Would Stan and Ollie do fart gags if they were alive today? Would they glass mummies with broken bottles? Have Stan being smacked in the genitals with a spear and end on a big CGI-finale? Let's hope not.

I did laugh once, but I think that was just in disbelief at how terrible it all is. Why was this film made in the first place? Who did the makers think would like it? Possibly the worst movie I've ever seen, an absolute abhorrence I grew sick of watching after just the first five minutes. About as much fuin as having your head trapped in a vice while a red hot poker and stinging nettles are forcibly inserted up your back passage.

Did you see Big Brother? Weird that after Narinder trying to get Bubble into her little clique, she nominates him (and not Helen!) and he nominates her. I voted for Paul to go this week, cos, even though he's a nicer person than Narinder (albeit boring) I have to ask myself - does he have tits?

A bit of a boring week this week in the Big Grigger household too. About the only notable thing that happened was Grigg crying after his used tissue collection was ordered down from the wall, and Bernie Clifton's ostrich got one of its legs bruised on a chair. Other than that it was pretty hum-drum, with Jemima and Bobby Zee up for the nominations. Even Jim Jimmer got some votes this week (from Shazza the Zygon and Bobby Zee) meaning that Derek Griffiths is the only one to escape the vote so far...

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• Aw, I knew you were kidding - it really is an unbelievable piece of shite, isn't it? Amazingly, some people on the IMDb who are fans of the original films think this is a fitting tribute! Sorry to put you through that, but I thought you'd be interested after our recent L&H fests. Like you said, it was "about as much fuin..." Fuin? Wassat then? Har har har!! (NT) -- Griff, 07:21:14 06/20/01 Wed