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• Will You Be There: Jacko's best solo work ever? A classic this one. Factoid: This is the one he got sued for for ripping off classical music, wasn't it? Rating: ***** (NT) -- Rich, 13:00:20 05/20/01 Sun

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• Keep The Faith: Bit treacly this one, not that keen. I'm sure the poor sap means well, but when he tries to do an ecology/psychology song it has all the depth and maturity of three-year-old's fart. Rating: *** (NT) -- Rich, 13:01:44 05/20/01 Sun

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• Gone Too Soon: Like Pinocchio or Mickey Mouse, Jacko comes over Jordan... er, I mean, comes over all sentimental in this one. It's meant to be touching, but it's just self-consciously trite and "Oh, look at me, I'm all childlike vulnerability." Arse flannel. Factoid: The cover of the single to this one feeting Michael with his arm round a teenage boy. Hmmmmm... Rating: ** (NT) -- Rich, 13:04:19 05/20/01 Sun

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• It's not that widely known that Michael is a poet, too. Take a look at a segment of his work, "Planet Earth", which was including on the Dangerous sleeve notes: "Cold as a rock without a hue, held together with a bit of glue, something tells me this isn't true. You are my sweetheart soft and blue." Rumours that the ghost of T.S. Eliot shat himself at the prodigious talent are as yet unfounded... (NT) -- Rich, 13:06:36 05/20/01 Sun

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• Dangerous: Again, fairly generic pop with a repetitive backbeat. Not bad, though. Average, the lad's treading water here. Factoid: I read that Jacko performed this one in court in order to fight off a writer suing him claiming he hadn't really wrote it. This was in a Jacko book, just between chapters saying how he shits in his own pants and like the kiddies. Rating: *** (NT) -- Rich, 13:08:57 05/20/01 Sun
  • Saw Die Hard 2 btw, Grigg. *** for that one, I'm afraid the Die Hard films just aren't my cup of tea... (NT) -- Rich, 13:45:26 05/20/01 Sun
    • Whaaatttt??? Top ten movie, matey! Five stars and all that! Tit. I'll tell Billy about your Jacko post (I might be sick to death of passive Jacko listening through the walls but Dangerous is a cracking album.) Hey, while I'm sitting on me arse down here, that ever-green classic Killing Streak is copying away in my room. I heard a good Prince song over the Co-op speakers today. (NT) -- Griff, 14:54:06 05/20/01 Sun
      • I think it was Prince, anyway, sounded like him, the little runt. It went "She wore a red somethingy dress, the kind you buy in a second hand store..." Know the one? Talking of tunes, I bought four CDs in a sale yesterday, tell me what you reckon: The Blues Brothers soundtrack, The Celts by Enya (I love her music, love it I tell you!), No Exit by Blondie and Take That's Greatest Hits. (NT) -- Griff, 14:57:33 05/20/01 Sun
        • Now before you take the piss, I only bought that last one for two songs - Back for Good and Million Love Songs. The latter is a genuinely excellent song, it really is. Gary Barlow wrote it when he was fifteen, you know. Take That are shite and Mark Owen needs a f***ing smack in the face, but those two tunes are crackers. Why can't GB write songs that good all the time instead of the bland shite he's been churning out lately? (NT) -- Griff, 15:00:03 05/20/01 Sun
          • I've copied you both the Killing Streaks and a shortie called The Real World, which Duds wrote and directed and I'm in. It was supposed to be the first in a series of Twilight Zone-type supernatural anthology episodes - we even put an 'executive producers' credit on the end! - and we were gonna have episodes about UFOs and stuff. We made one. The 'series' was called The Other Side and has the most boring title sequence ever! (NT) -- Griffer, 16:24:48 05/20/01 Sun
            • Why was it called The Other Side? Is that cos that's what people would have wanted to watch if it came on TV? Haw haw! Raspberry Beret, btw, a catchy bit of a throwaway bubblegum pop nugget that one. Enya, Blondie and Take That? Are you gay or what? (NT) -- Rich, 17:14:28 05/20/01 Sun

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• Okay, side one on the go now. (Do you think I've destroyed the carefully planned flow of the album by listening to it out of sequence?) Jam: For a song about a spread you put on toast, this one ain't half bad. Again, Jacko-by-numbers, but still quite a blistering little number. Factoid: Jacko smells of stale monkey piss. Rating: **** (NT) -- Rich, 17:18:15 05/20/01 Sun

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• Why You Wanna Trip On Me: How can you trip on Jacko? Is he a hallucenogic drug? Or do people stumble when they try and kick him in the head? Still, not bad, all said. Factoid: Yeah, apparently that's true, eye witnesses say he can't be arsed (pardon the pun) going to the bog so he just does a shit in his pants, no joke! Rating: ***^1/2 (NT) -- Rich, 17:20:15 05/20/01 Sun

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• In The Closet: He should have kept this bugger in the closet - it's shite! The "it's something about you baby" refrain ain't bad though...Factoid: Some might say that Michael himself is in the closet, given that it was Jordan he paid $20 mil to, and not Jodie. Rating: **^1/2 (NT) -- Rich, 17:22:38 05/20/01 Sun
  • She Drives Me Wild: The thing that really bugs me about Jacko is his seeming inability (particularly in the later stages of his career) to experiment with new musical forms. This track has an intriguing base line instrumentation, but his singing style is just the bog-standard formula. Sounds like many other songs. Rating: *** (NT) -- Rich, 17:33:23 05/20/01 Sun
  • Remember The Time: Pretty bland single. Jacko's depth quotient: 0% Factoid: Didn't this video feature James Brown as well as Eddie Murphy? Apparently a scene where James got his dick out and pissed all over him was deleted. Rating: **^1/2 (NT) -- Rich, 17:35:29 05/20/01 Sun
  • Can't Let Her Get Away: Okay, there are some pretty good tracks on this album, but I think this bore proves it didn't have to be a double. Factoid: Zzzzzzzzzzzz....... Rating: ** (NT) -- Rich, 17:39:35 05/20/01 Sun
  • Heal The World: Jacko's cheesiest cry for an end to world hunger, contains the frankly rubbish lyrics: "Heal the world, make it a better place, for you and for me and the entire human race." Factoid: Apparently the original title of this track was "Talking about people starving helps you sell records." Rating: * (NT) -- Rich, 17:42:36 05/20/01 Sun
    • Rich's Final Thought: "Dangerous isn't as good as I remembered, coming out with just a *** average rating. Songs that show genuine innovation and movement for the singer (Black and White) plus honest emotion (Will You Be There?) are weakened by being placed side-by-side with pop to order that tries to inspire but fails. Until next time, take care of yourselves... and each other." (NT) -- Rich, 17:48:08 05/20/01 Sun
      • Raspberry Beret, ah... good song. I thought it was "red something DRESS", see. Jam's one of my all-time Jacko faves - in fact in was used in the 1992 Griff and Duds classic 3 Hours Later! Bit hard on Heal the World, weren't you? Maybe the lyrics are a bit infantile but the tune's gorgeous. Jim put reviews of Jacko's albums on Amazon, maybe you can find 'em. I hope he goes off on one when he reads that, cos he's like me with BTTF when it comes to ranting.. (NT) -- Griff, 18:19:07 05/20/01 Sun
        • I hope he goes off on one, too... why else do you think I wrote 'em? (NT) -- Rich, 18:25:26 05/20/01 Sun
          • Um, good point. (NT) -- Griff, 18:34:33 05/20/01 Sun

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• Nice one rich, the jokes brought back memories of 1993 :-) I can't believe u actually like Will U Be There tho..that's one of my top fives. Now piss off. (NT) -- Jim, 19:32:49 05/20/01 Sun