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Date Posted: 20:33:34 05/17/01 Thu
Author: Rich
Subject: New series! Rich's Idols!!

THIS WEEK... Muhammad Ali!!!

I am the greatest! I'm so great I don't know how great I really am! Oh, and Grigg is a girl!Now, I know what you're thinking: is Rich a fan of that brutal, viscous sport? And of course I'm not! But Muhammad is in a league unto himself...

For a start, this is a guy that stood for something. Pride and freedom were represnted by a man who was banned from boxing and faced jail for refusing to fight in Vietnam. Not only that, but - not in a gay way - Muhammad's a cool-looking kind of guy, the sort of person you could admire or aspire to be. Okay, that may sound shallow, but who would you rather look like: Ali or Henry Cooper?

He may be a braggadocio, but he's funny with it, effortlessly making a twat out of that old fart Parkinson, before Parkinson('s disease) made a twat out of him. Even nowadays it's possible to admire the dignity with which Ali faces his condition, though not very nice to see, and a testament to what a terrible sport it is. It's the rhymes and bragging I like, even the (sometimes racist) way he makes up names for his opponents, eg. George Foreman - The Mummy; Sonny Liston - "That Big Ugly Bear" and Joe Frasier, the racist names, which isn't nice, but it's the way he tells 'em, and with colour-blind wit: "The Uncle Tom Negro/The Gorilla".

But lastly, the boxing. This guy is the man. I don't like punch-ups, not even from deputy Prime Ministers, but I do proudly own a video of the Rumble in the Jungle/Thrilla in Manilla fights. Ali doesn't fight like anyone else - he takes the piss. Scrapping blokes the size of Mike Tyson is a daunting prospect, and who else would dance like an arse, tap them on the head to annoy them, call them silly names and walk around not even bothering to box while they throw their best shots at you? What a cool dude! It's all so stylish... a recent fighter, Lennox Lewis, went around the ring with his gloves held down, using his head to duck the punches and not doing anything but smiling... but got made to look an arse. Ali does all that and more, and still wins. He's the guvnor!

Top quotes: "The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life."

(To a waitress telling him "we don't serve negroes in this restaurant") "That's okay, I don't want to eat one."

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