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Date Posted: 19:23:52 06/04/01 Mon
Author: Rich
Subject: The CD also has two U2 videos Grigg... have you noticed that for some reason you can always see Penny's nips on Big Brother? Anyway, get on here, Jim Jimmer...

BLOOD ON THE DANCEFLOOR (1997)


Blood On The Dance Floor: A bit worrying this one, talking about blood on the floor while a young voice in the background shouts out "I can't take it all". Hmmm... Master Knight on backing vocals, perhaps? Factoid: I remember the video for this one was the unveiling of Michael's radical "snow" look. Rating: ***

Morphine: "I won't resist you, baby" sings Jacko here. Blummin' eck! Factoid: What's this about, Jim Jimmer? Is he on crack or something, is that what he's saying? Rating: ***

Superfly Sister: One of the things I don't like about this album is it sounds as if it's come from a computer programme where Jacko feeds in all his licks and signatures (apart from when he says "Don't tell your parents", obviously) and out the end comes a Jacko-by-numbers track. Hee-hee, ow! indeed. This one is one dreary fuck of a song. Factoid: This track lasts 6:27. Some cruel critics might say that's it 6 minutes too long. Rating: **

Ghosts: I've seen a ghost, Jacko... or was it your fucking face? You make me look tanned, you sick fuck!Rating: **

Is It Scary: Again, so formulaic you could cut through it and find "Michael Jackson, TM" written all the way through it (I paraphrased Brighton Rock there, not that some would know it as they've never seen this ***** film) yet this is a really good one, with a contrived high, but a high nevertheless. Factoid: Apparently MacCauley Culkin used to say "Yeah, it is scary, Michael - I've only got a small arse." Rating: ****

Scream Louder: Excellent title, that. Not bad song, either, with some gospel samples under the beat. Factoid: Michael appears to do a "bum-lacka-lacka" chant in this, which was of course the refrain in the superb Sly and The Family Stone's I Want To Take You Higher. Rating: ****

Money: I went onto another site for a bit while this one was playing. I guess the fact that I have no opinion on it despite hearing it just five minutes ago shows it must be forgettable. Rating: ***

2Bad: Shite - next! Rating: **

Stranger In Moscow: By far the worst of the dance remix ideas, a ballad with beats. This really is a shite idea. Why take a ballad and then bung in some masterblaster jammin'? It sounds like normal tune with an unrelated karaoke track playing underneath it. Come on, Jim, I know you're a fan, but even you must admit that this sounds laughably cack. Factoid: Apparently the makers of this have got planned next "Imagine - the wing ping ting chiting disco bollock fuck weasel megamix" Rating: **


More soon...

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