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If all the sequels to Planet of the Apes were so bad then the series wouldn't have lasted as long as it did. Of course, it doesn't help matters that while they were exceptionally entertaining, the original (***** - yes, Jim - *****) is an absolute classic. It's 45-day shoot period was completed between 21st May - 10th August 1967, with just a $5.8 million budget, over a sixth of which went to it's Oscar-winning makeup effects. Premiered on February 8th 1968, it made over $26 million at the American box office alone (not taking into account inflation). (I'll probably scrap that shit, actually, it has "I've seen the behind-the-scenes show" written all over it) Not just an action-adventure with an evolved race of monkeys, it was perfect in every respect, including direction and performance. With its satires and commentary on race, sex, religion, politics, class, war, youth and famine, it was everything that science fiction should be and more, a true classic with an ending that is possibly the greatest in American cinema. Never mind "This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship"; Heston damning everyone to Hell and THAT image (which I won't reveal as a spoiler) is the ultimate conclusion to a thoroughly intelligent sf movie.

While Heston loved the film and was proud of his involvement, he was wary of sequels and appeared in the inevitable follow-up Beneath the Planet of the Apes (***) only as a favour. Rejected ideas for this sequel included "Planet of the Men" and an ape/human hybrid, finally going into production under the working title "Planet of the Apes Revisited". Ted Post�s directing and Marion Rothman�s editing prove to be less proficient than the first, though the real problem lies in trying to emulate the plot of the original, a flaw that also plagued the final entry. It ups the ante with greater matte effects of ruined structures, though this time the element of surprise is absent. The next two instalments told a different story from another time period, this is more a grandiose continuation. Fittingly, the satire, too, is overstated, with chimp war protestors and remarks on the colour of man�s skin. This concludes with a race of underground mutants who have an atom bomb as a God. Though quite eerie, their ultimate appeal places the film further into the reaches of extreme science fiction and lacks the subtlety of its predecessor. Perversely for a film that purports liberal satire, its sole black character is the only one of the mutants to demonstrate real physical cruelty. Don Pedro Colley tortures and instigates a would-be fight to the death between Taylor (Heston) and Brent (James Franciscus). And I don�t think I�ve ever seen another film where a man�s credit is given as "Negro". Just as the original had lost elements and shaped itself constantly up to its production (including an aged Edward G. Robinson opting out of the role of Dr.Zaius and the revelation that Nova was pregnant), so too did Beneath change constantly during inception. In fact, it was Heston's idea for the apocalyptic finale, in the vain hope it would prevent any more sequels.

He was wrong, and Escape From The Planet of the Apes (****) redefined the rules so that three of the chimpanzees stole Taylor's spacecraft and travelled back in time to present-day Earth. It�s a little odd that they didn�t choose Brent�s merely slightly-battered one, as the last time we saw Taylor�s spaceship it had malfunctioned, partially exploded and sank to the bottom of the sea. This also presents a goof for the entry. Though Beneath claimed to be set in 3955, malfunctioning ship logs could give any vague read-out. However, this film also gives the 3955 year as the one registering on Taylor�s ship clock, even though we had seen the said clock in close-up during the first film, and it clearly read "3978". Also, for a franchise that couldn�t get the green light until 20th Century Fox were assured convincing ape make-up was achievable, there�s a "real" gorilla that is laughably fake. Though this is just quibbling, Escape is a light-hearted interlude, a very entertaining diversion from the darker parables that surround it. Initially witty and charming, (even though the relative failure of Beneath - grossing just 54% of the original at the box-office - had caused the budget to be shaved to $2.5 million), it ultimately becomes a darker abortion analogy, another political comment for the series.

The next two films, though achieving in cinemas, both had their budgets trimmed further, produced for significantly less than $2 million each. Battle (**), the shortest of the series, is the least inspired. While the series perhaps needed a fifth segment to round things up, Battle isn�t it. Direction, acting, and especially writing, are average at best. It exists merely to tie up loose ends in the franchise (set after the events of "Conquest", though before the first two movies, in a soon-to-come 2070). The mutants from the second film return, though this time around they haven�t yet mutated enough to have disfigured skin or telepathy. Rather like having Muhammed Ali in a movie and not allowing him to box or say something witty. Limp and trite platitudes like "ape shall never kill ape" are meeted out, while General Aldo (a good performance from Claude Akins) states "We � want � guns. Guns � are � power". Then there�s Austin Stoker as McDonald (who is tellingly only referred to as black by a fellow human), who says of the revolting apes "I guess you might say they just joined the human race". There is a nice twist towards the end of the mutant-ape war, though anyone who�s seen Goldfinger should quickly be able to tell what it is. Generally, the script is poor, and studio sets doubling as exteriors lead this to resemble the spin-off tv series more than the films. It brings nothing new to the franchise, and contains little plot or dramatic tension. And, as the dialogue extracts should indicate, the allegory is far from subtle.

Running out of steam for the series, the producers instigated a CBS television spin-off, a traditional action-adventure family fare that began on September 13th 1974 and was axed after just fourteen episodes. An NBC cartoon series Return to the Planet of the Apes also ran for a single year in 1975.

And so we come back to Conquest, a film that nearly lost its family rating due to violence and was a direct parallel of the Watts riots. Lasting for less than 80% of the original�s length, this is a concise picture that consolidates the Apes backstory by illustrating how the apes grew to be the dominant species on the planet. This also creates a paradox � the apes became dominant through the leadership of Cornelius� and Zira�s son, yet the ape in question would not have been born in this time were it not for Taylor�s ship landing in the future, giving his parents a handy escape capsule into the past.

Hmmmmmm..... bit of a shitty review that, needs a lot of work... and, of course, for me to actually see the film it's supposed to be about...

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