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Date Posted: 06:14:18 05/25/05 Wed
Author: BFIH
Subject: I'm not a name caller
In reply to: bfny 's message, "you know what, LS? I am caving right now" on 05:31:36 05/24/05 Tue

And especially not towards you Bud. The point I was making in the woodshed was not directed against any individual, but against the practice itself.

I'm sorry you and your wife find yourselves in this difficult situation, but I honestly think you could be happy and successful anywhere. You're a brilliant and talented man. I've moved around my whole life and that experience has shaped my belief that family is much more important than anything else in life. Best of luck to you and your family.

>Through a terrible misunderstanding between my wife
>and me, we had unprotected sex, and wouldn't you know
>it? The day here period was to begin, she informed me
>that it hadn't yet and I started to joke that maybe
>something went wrong with her diaphram. She said, "I
>took it out, don't you remember?" Needless to say, I
>was like "no, you never told me. If you had, I
>wouldn't have..."
>
>Anyway, we are currently going through an utterly
>agonizing, horrible situation. We never wanted a
>third child. I particularly have said since before the
>second child that I didn't think I could physically or
>emotionally do a third child. I just can't imagine
>having a third child and still live in NYC and moving
>out of NYC would cause me and my wife to go into a
>deep funk. Maybe we could have a third child here but
>not with a six-year-old and a two-year-old. The
>logistics of it are mind-boggling. We know two
>couples that have three kids and it's rough. We both
>have jobs and we both need to keep our jobs - for both
>the income and for the sanity. My job is as stressful
>as it gets sometimes. With the WTC, I just got off a
>month of busting my hump for at least 12 hours a day,
>and some on the weekends. Plus between my cell and now
>my blackberry, I'm basically on call all of the time.
>
>My wife and I discuss this every evening and it never
>ceases to be emotional. We've visited the doctor
>together and discussed our options. I was with her for
>a sonogram, which is supposed to be a joyous thing,
>not a sick feeling. We are 90 percent sure that we
>are going to end the pregnancy medicinally, at six
>weeks. We need to be 100 percent sure by Thursday
>afternoon because that's the appointment date. When I
>saw the sonogram, I viewed a cyst. I viewed a fibroid.
>I viewed a forming sac. I never saw a baby. Yes,
>there is the potential (and probability) for life in
>there. But there isn't a baby...yet. It's a
>fertilized egg. Is that a rationalization on my part?
>Most probably. Do I feel sick in my stomach about
>what I'm preparing to be a part of? Absolutely. Does
>my wife feel even sicker about it? Definitely? Am I a
>genocidal murderer? I don't think so, although I would
>imagine some on here would disagree.
>
>It's tough. It sucks. I wish I could tell you that
>I'm strong enough to say, what the hell. Let's have a
>third child. Or strong enough to basically say I have
>no problem working harder...or selling my house and
>moving to a less attractie neighborhood....or moving
>out of NYC altogether...or giving up what's left of my
>time not spent at work or parenting (which seems about
>10 minutes a week) and devote it to a baby I'm not
>mentally or emotionally prepared to have nor ever
>thought I was in "danger" of having...
>
>When CaB asked in the Woodshed about a month ago how I
>could be pro-choice but would likely never have an
>abortion myself, I was dead serious in my answer at
>the time that I could be both. It wasn't until I was
>actually faced with the prospect of an unwanted
>pregnancy, though, that I found I could truly answer
>the question.
>
>Sorry that some of you will think less of me after
>hearing this, but that's why I went off in the
>Woodshed last night. Because it's easy to point
>fingers and be morally disgusted when you aren't in
>the situation yourself.

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