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Date Posted: 15:25:47 03/25/04 Thu
Author: Lauren
Subject: It almost seems like...

Seriously, I'm so sorry I only post on here when I'm not having a good day. But seriously, it seems like it's so hard not to have kids and to be LDS. Every meeting I go to, that's all anyone ever talks about. It's understandable because their kids are their lives, but it always reminds me of what I don't have. It just makes me miss Evelyn even more. I have the hardest time in sacrament meetings. I went to a primary meeting the other day and I almost couldn't make it. I had to get up and leave. We are the only couple in the ward who doesn't have kids who has been married more than a year. It's so hard to be childless in this church sometimes. I know that's mean to say, but I feel so out of the loop and I hate feeling like that! Thanks for listening, and again, I'm sorry. All I do is complain to you women!

Lauren

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Replies:

[> Oh Lauren I have been there -- lynece, 20:43:14 03/25/04 Thu

just reading your post brought back memories and tears to my eyes. I lost 2 babies in the space of 1 year. We were in a starter home ward where everyone was having babies. They even passed around a list in RS asking you to put down your due date because they had so many pg women! I just about quit going to church as I too couldn't handle being childless. One time there was even a talk about how if we weren't having children we would be damned! I literally ran out of the chapel and spent the rest of the meeting in a bathroom stall crying. Even now after adopting 2 children and having a bio baby of my own, I still get so jealous of pg women. My best friend in the ward just told me she's having her 7th. I cried the rest of the day.

It will get easier and hopefully soon you will have your precious child and you will "fit in". Hang in there and just survive any way you can, including missing a few meetings if necessary. The lord understands.

Thanks for sharing, I'm so sorry for the pain you are feeling.


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[> [> Thank You -- Lauren, 15:30:28 03/26/04 Fri

Lynece,
Thank you. So much. Not that I enjoy knowing that you know how I feel, but I appreciate your willingness to share your pain with me. It helps me to know that I am not alone in my feelings. It helps me to know that I am not insane and that these feelings, though not the greatest, are not out of the ordinary. I appreciate all of you women so much, and I especially appreciate your reply Lynece. And someday it will get better,and it's good to know someday there may be a light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks again.

Lauren


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[> [> I think also.....m -- Jo, 16:37:27 03/27/04 Sat

You need to speak with your RS President. Even though it is necessary to know when everyone is due, it is still required as sisters in the gospel to be very aware of each other's feelings. As much as they didn't wish to cause any pain, it has caused pain. Give them an opportunity to mend it and perhaps they, too, may learn that as much as they have been given, the same blessings are not for all.

Sending you many hugs...and I've been there in that stall, Lynece, right along with you. My reason was because it was taught in a Sunday School Class that the only time our prayers aren't answered with what we desire it is because we are undeserving. Very untrue, but it still cut me in half!

Jo


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[> I'm so sorry Lauren -- Jenifer, 00:07:49 03/28/04 Sun

Though, I've suffered many miscarriages, I did so after my first child. It hurt tremendously, but I know nothing like it would have if it had happened with my first. My heart goes out to you.

In my old ward there is a lady whose been married at least 6 years and hasn't been able to have children. She teaches school and is now the Primary President (at least the last time I checked) She has expressed her pain in bearing her testimony, but always, with a "It'll happen some day" attitude. I was serving in Primary before we left and was having a hard time keeping my kids in their seats, none of them being in my class at the time. She came over and commiserated with me, saying, "I hope to have a whole passle of boys," my boys being the more trying of my kids when it comes to sitting still.

I have always felt so guilty, knowing how blessed I have been in that area. I know this woman is valiant and faithful, but this is her cross to bear, and I hate it.
I know there are many pat answers to why this happens, and I also know they don't do much to soothe an aching heart or fill empty arms.

I'm sorry you were hurt and I also am glad I never sat through these hurtful lessons you ladies describe, because I believe I would have had to hurt someone's feelings in front of everybody, that is just uncalled for! It seems to be a chronic problem, people associating trials with unrighteousness. I see it the other way around. God has to use strong trials to test strong individuals, easy ones just won't do.

(((HUGS))) Lauren.

Jenifer,
Missing her Anna so very much!


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