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Saturday, May 16, 12:44:33pm [ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, [2], 3, 4, 5, 6 ]

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Date Posted: 14:42:58 01/02/04 Fri
Author: Joanne
Subject: Hi and welcome....m
In reply to: Lauren 's message, "intros" on 17:30:03 12/30/03 Tue

My name is Joanne, my husband is Glenn - we are parents of nine, including Hannah Patrice, who was borning sleeping the 3rd of October 1999 at 27.3 wks. My story is too long to re-type, so I'll have to copy and repaste it from another place.

Funny, the only pg pictures I have are our holiday in Salt Lake City that previous July...

Jo

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[> I'll try, Here goes. (very long) -- Jenifer, 15:45:22 01/20/04 Tue

I'm Jenifer(32), I've been married to Steve(36), for 11 1/2 years now. We were married in the Washington DC Temple. I have 6 living children, Emily(10), Gregory(8), Rachel(7), Jackson(6), Thomas(4), and Anthony(14 mos.)

I also have 7 angels, two sets of twins. They are: Christopher Russell and Jaron Leighton(m/c @ 4 wks Dec. 93), Zachary Enos(m/c early Mar. 97), Daniel Lee(blighted ovum, sac m/c @ 20 wks Jan. 99),Deborah Rose and Olivia Correne (m/c @ 9 wks Oct. 2000), Anna Marie (m/c @ 9 weeks Dec. 2003)

To clarify some from my first post, the nurses kept quoting the wrong dates to me when I was pregnant with Anna Marie. I was 9 weeks when I went to the ER and passed some "tissue" that was essentially all that was left of her. But the nurse kept saying we were 8 wks. and that stuck in my head.

I knew we were going to get pregnant again. The spirit came to me strongly a few months ago and told me this was so. I knew when we conceived, I knew before I missed my first period, but on the pregnancy test the second line would flash visible and then go so faint, I wondered if I had imagined it. I repeated it a week later with the same results. I was going to wait a little longer to go to the doc, but I got seiously ill with the flu and had to take something. I went in and they also got a faint line, but agreed I was pregnant. I was sent on to an OB.

They did either a quanitative or qualitative HCG, the nurse and PA, couldn't agree which one it was, to check my hormone levels. The doc did a pap, sent me off for blood work and we were on our way. This was the week of Thanksgiving.

Now, I must go back and add that I had been having serious cramps in between the two HPTs. They got so bad we called our Branch Pres in to give me a blessing. It was not very encouraging, just saying I would be comforted and my family would offer comfort. Not what you want to here when you're looking for a "the baby will be healthy, everything will be okay" kinda blessing. Anyway, when I didn't start bleeding and made it to the doctors, I thought it would be okay.

When we got back from visiting my family at Thanksgiving, I called to check on my HCG levels. The story wasn't good. I insisted on getting an ultrasound because I often don't show high HCG levels at the right time. With my 2nd son, Gregory, I didn't get a positive HCG test until 6 mos, and usually by then your levels have gone down. With my angel baby Daniel, I didn't show up pregnant until weeks after he had been gone.

So, after much insistence, they gave me an ultrasound. The sac was too small and you couldn't even make out the baby. I was measuring right where my HCG levels had put me, 3-4 weeks. This was not right, I knew the date of conception, without any doubt. Knowing this, I asked the Doc what this meant. All he could say was it wasn't good. They took another HCG level to see if it was rising or not. The doc said we would talk once we had the results.

I think it was after I called the doc and before I had the u/s that my DH gave me a blessing. It was very optimistic, reminding me that I had witnessed the Lord do things the docs couldn't understand before and that this baby would be okay. We were overjoyed. So when the doc called back and said my levels were up, and about where they should have been from my last test, I figured we were in the clear. That night, I started spotting. By the next morning I was flowing. When I started having sudden weak spells and felt I would pass out, I went to the ER.

I was just hoping the flu had gotten to be too much and that they could give me fluids and send me home. Nope. The doc did an internal exam, and told me he found some tissue outside my cervix. At the time, it didn't occur to me what he meant, or I might have asked to see it. I've not seen even one of my angels, not on an ultrasound or anything. I was still hoping they were wrong. They did another HCG Level and it was 200, down from 1700. An ultrasound showed blood flow and a shadow the u/s tech couldn't identify, but no baby.

Back in the room, the nurse told me that the "tissue" was being sent off for tests. She asked me if that had ever been done before, or if any doc had investigated why I had miscarried so many babies. That's when I started crying. She was wheeling me out. No, since I had so many healthy children, the docs never thought to question why.

I rode home in silence with my DH. As we pulled into the driveway, I said I wanted to wait to tell the children. I couldn't face that right now. Again I started to cry. My grandmother met me at the car, she had been watching my kids. She of course, asked how it went. I cried as I told her I was no longer pregnant. She tried to comfort me with, some It's God's plan, kind of thing, and I told her none of that meant anything to me right now and just to tell me she loved me. I managed to stop crying and make it in the house.

The next day my mom came down and brought my sisters with her. I was very numb. I hadn't cried any more and had told myself I knew God's Plan and shouldn't be upset. One of my sisters said something in front of the kids, so I had to tell them about loosing the baby. The hardest was my 7 yr old DD who is very sensitive to these things. She cried and I held her tight and managed to make it through with only misty eyes. I had my DH tell his family. Luckily I had only let one member of the Church know I was pregnant, so she was the only one I had to face early on. Later I shared it with a few other sisters. But I had not cried again for my Anna until today.

I have been very numb, I couldn't figure out how to feel, so I just pushed it to the side. I was sad and mopey, but nothing more. Lately though, anger has been pushing it's way to the surface. I know what to expect, having gone through pregnancy loss more than a few times, but this time, I just didn't feel I had the emotional energy to go through it all. Hopefully now I can work through everything.

That brings me back to my blessing. My Dh and I were so sure everything would be okay. I guess in the eternal run of things, it is. But oh how it hurts. I miss my angel babies, all of them.

I'm running out of steam, finally, but wanted to let you know how we came up with Anna's name. I love baby name hunting. I bore my husband to death with it. I did this early on, before we knew there were any problems. Early one morning, and I mean 3'clock or so, I had been woken up by something, probably a lonely cat, and remembered the kids needed some clothes that were in the washer to wear the next day. So I got up to take care of it and started playing with names in my head. When I tried the name Anna, the spirit just came on so strong. Every time I thought of that name after that, it came back, even now as I type. I told my DH and he said he liked it and we came up with Marie to go with it. So, we named our angel Anna Marie.

Whew, that was long. Thanks for anyone who's still reading. I guess I really needed to get that all written out. Maybe later I'll go into my other angel's stories, but for now, this is it.

Jenifer,
Mother to six earth angels and seven angels in Heaven
Our newest angel left us Dec. 5, 2003
We miss you so much Anna Marie!


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