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Saturday, May 16, 07:50:24pm [ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, [2], 3, 4, 5, 6 ]

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Date Posted: 15:22:30 01/04/04 Sun
Author: Heather S.
Subject: Having a tough time

I am only 4 months into living without our little Noah.
There are days that are ok and others that I just want to stay in bed. Usually I can make it through shopping or eating out or even church without breaking down but this past week, I have been a mess. The sight of any family happy with a baby makes me burst into tears. Poor Olive Garden Patrons! I cannot sleep and I am so snappy at my
children. Not to mention my poor husband, what a trooper he is to deal with me. I thought I was doing better.
I just am on the verge of tears all of the time! I am on antidepressants and now wondering if I need a stonger dose!
I don't know, or maybe I just need a baby. I wish it were that easy. Is this supposed to be like this, am I supposed to be a mess all over again?

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Replies:

[> Heather, I understand -- lynece, 17:44:24 01/04/04 Sun

unfortunately, you will never "get over" losing Noah and life will never be the same again. You are also not just dealing with losing a baby. You are grieving the loss of your fertility. Both are very hard things to cope with and you've got both together.

Grief also cycles. You do feel better for awhile and might even feel guilty for doing so, and then there are times when it hurts soooo much. But time does bring longer cycles of peace and shorter of pain.

You are doing the best that you can and that is all you can do. Take care of yourself. Take some time with your hubby.
And please know that you are not alone and that we love you.


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[> Yes, sweetie...this is normal grieving....m -- Jo, 07:35:07 01/05/04 Mon

One minute you are fine and the next you are not. And grieving cycles - for about 7 yrs time before it finally settles down completely.

You will not get over this loss, but you will learn to live with it. And eventually, death will not have the sting that it still has for you. I couldn't believe it myself when I was told those years ago, but it has come to fruition for all of our family.

Heather, you may need a stronger dosage - I know I had mine upped once and it made a huge difference. Since there is such a fine line between grieving and depression, treat your depression first and you will likely find that you are grieving in a very healthy way.

Sending you many big hugs sweetie - wish I was there to give you a real one.

Jo


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