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Saturday, May 16, 11:22:38am [ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, [2], 3, 4, 5, 6 ]

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Date Posted: 11:17:41 01/25/04 Sun
Author: lynece
Subject: I'm sorry I haven't been around much. I'm in such a funk

I've lurked everyday and wanted to post, but just couldn't make the words, kwim?

So many things are going on and I just want to sit and cry for hours and I'm not able to. Jon is on night shifts this weekend and although I'm sleeping better without the snoring, I'm so lonely without him. It was hard even getting excited for the weekend when I knew that I'd be off, but he'd be working. He works next weekend as well, day shifts. It will be 3 weeks before we get the same day off together and unless there is a holiday or I'm off track, we get a total of 4 days off together a month. That makes me tear up every time I think of it. Some women would love to be gone from their hubbys that long, but not me. We could be together 24/7 and never tire of eachother.

Tomorrow the 26th is the day that 8 years ago we found out Little Jon was dead and Wednesday is his bday. 8 is so hard. The rest of the world doesn't get it, but in the church it is such a big year. He should be getting baptized. It's ironic that we moved so I wouldn't have to be near my neighbors son that was the same age and now I'm teaching a class of 20 7 & 8 year olds. There were 2 bdays last week and It just really hurts! Especially because the area that I teach in is not the "best" area. A lot of children aren't well cared for and are bounced around living with one parent and a girlfriend/boyfriend. Little Jon had been gone a least a few days by them time I found out and so even today I grieve for the baby that I didn't even know was dead yet. I was so sick and didn't know how much a baby was supposed to move and he was my first. I was worried, but never ever thought he'd already be gone. sigh.... that innocence.

I've got a sore throat today and headache and stayed home from church. I've told the primary pres and councelors that I'm going to ask to be released, but haven't told the bishop yet. I just can't do it all!!!

We did file for bankruptcy this past week and Jon has been so busy getting all the documents ready for it and to try and get the short sale on the other house completed. The 2nd mortgage holders are being pains in the butt about it and if they don't approve the shortsale then it will go to foreclusre. Stupid for them as the 1st mortg holder will get the actual house and the 2nd will get $1K. DUH. JOn called them absolute idiots on the phone and for him to say that is like someone else telling someone to F--- off!!! I haven't seen him that mad in a long time. If it goes to foreclosure, it won't matter to me at all as we get nothing out of it either way, but our realtor would get nothing and the new buyers are so excited for it, I'd hate for them to lose it.

We're also going to try and dump our Durango lease with the bankruptcy as we are so upside down in it. I love the car and it was my first NEW car and am more emotionally tied to it than I should be. LOL I don't deal well with change and this month has just been a whole month of changes.

There are a few upsides, like my sweet hubby leaving treats for me on my bathtub ( a really bad habit of mine is to eat and read in my jaccuzzi) and gettting away for a lobster lunch yesterday (with gift cards we only paid $2!) but I just can't get out of my pit.

My heart aches and I just want my son back, and I mourn for the babies that I prevented from coming by having my tubes tied. So many regrets and I just feel frozen in grief.

Sorry to ramble, but I knew you ladies would understand.

A sad welcome to our new ladies. Hopefully in a little while I'll be able to support you more.

Love, Lynece

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Replies:

[> Hugs to you Lynece, -- Heather S., 17:23:48 01/25/04 Sun

Lynece,

There are a ton of pressures that come with debt and all of the stresses just aren't worth it.

When my daughter Kennedy was born 7 1/2 years ago, (my husband then (jerk) we will call him told me after I had had her that I was going back to work. Even though we had planned for me to stay at home. I but up a big fit and decided that I would file for bankruptcy, leaving me debt free and my fin. obligations off of him. Long of the short I left him when Kennedy was 2 years old. But I have no debt, and refuse to get a single card, I have the visa check card and that is all I need. I have no stress over the money, if I don't have the money "cash" it isn't bought. I feel like my life is a lot less stressfull due to not having the financial obligations that I use to.
I sure hope you find the same comfort that I did and do still today.

As far as being in a funk, well, I feel as if I am in a deep one right now. I wish I could help but feel I have very little to offer. Hugs to you and I will be praying for you, that you will have extra comfort on these hard days.

Lv, ya hang in there, this too shall pass.


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[> (((HUGS))) Lynece! You have a lot on your shoulders right now! -- Jenifer, 19:34:38 01/25/04 Sun

I'm sorry your so overwhelmed. I have been feeling that way for a long time. I started reading a book called "Glimpses of Eternity" It's all about near death experiences, a lot of them from members of the Church. One of the running themes in these stories was the peace they felt, and the freedom from the cares of the world. It has helped me put into perspective some of the challenges in my life.

We are currently in dire finacial straits. DH has been out of work for four months now. He was fired for not being willing to work overtime without pay, not just overtime pay, pay period. We have had to see state and Church assistance to make some of our bills and put off the rest. There are no jobs available. We just moved down here in July BECAUSE of this job and the opportunity to rent my parents house, a huge 6 bedroom house, which is falling apart, but it's $300 less than what we were paying in our apartment.

We are still struggling, but I'm trying to not hold on so tightly to the stress of it all. We are worthy temple recommend holders, we are striving to living the gospel. This is a test in our lives and we do have some areas we need to improve in to claim more blessings, but I know the Lord won't let us live out on the street, or my children go hungry. This Christmas was a testament to that. I had just about made myself sick over not having anything to give my kids, but help came out of the wood work.

I am praying you can find the strength you need make it through the next few days. I also pray your finances will get better. You sound busy, but could you find some time to go to the temple? That might help. I always feel peaceful there.

God Bless.

Jenifer,
Mother to six earth angels and seven angels in Heaven.
Our newest angel left us Dec. 5, 2003.
We miss you Anna Marie!


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[> [> going to the temple would be nice -- lynece,, 22:36:15 01/25/04 Sun

but I don't see it happening for antoher 2 weeks at least. It will be that long before Jon and I have a day off together and I do not go to the temple alone. Plus I have such little time with my kids right now, I'm NOT going to turn around and leave them once I get home. I'm off track for 3 weeks in march and DH has vacation then so hopefully we'll get a trip in then.


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[> [> [> Well make it a date, and hold on til then. LOL! -- Jenifer, 15:49:59 01/26/04 Mon

(((Hugs))), you do seems in a funk. I'm praying the Lord will help lighten your load, or make your shoulders broader so you can handle it all. I think I'd have cracked by now. You are an amazing woman Lynece!

Jenifer,
Mother to six earth angels and seven angels in Heaven.
Our newest angel left us Dec. 5, 2003.
We miss you Anna Marie!


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