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Saturday, May 16, 12:16:58pm [ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, [2], 3, 4, 5, 6 ]

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Date Posted: 20:00:28 01/24/04 Sat
Author: Heather S.
Subject: I made it through the week

My kids did so well. Jordan (3 1/2) loves pre-school.
He doesn't want to come home when I pick him up at 4:30.
Kennedy (7 1/2) loves it too. She just doesn't like coming home to do homework. (ME EITHER)
Woring isn't that bad, I just need to stop feeling quilty!
Will that ever happen? My Mom was always home with us but started working when the youngest was in High School. I guess I feel like I have to follow her lead. I had planned on finishing up my schooling for my BA when Noah was little then when he went to Kindergarten I could start teaching. That play is all a mess now. I even have to put a hold on my schooling only because the out of state costs. I need to come up with a whole new life plan now. Guess I am on my way!

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[> Heather I'm glad you survived. -- lynece, 11:26:15 01/25/04 Sun

that is all you can do sometimes. I too think my kids are doing fine at the sitters and that should make things easier, but it almost hurts more that they aren't missing me! Calista loves playing with all the kids and I'm very blessed in that the ladies I've found are so good with kids. I just hate being away from them that long.

My mom was home as well and even though I've worked part time before I didn't plan on going back full time until Calista was at least in First grade. And although 60% of Utah women work, we still feel the awful guilt that the church puts on us. Nobody's actually said anything to my face, but I feel horrible for being out of the home and heaven forbid that I actually might enjoy my job. I dread even picking up an Ensign or going to church.

Life changes like this suck, but I hope we'll both be able to make the best out of them and move forward.

Hugs,Lynece


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[> Okay, why are we feeling guilty here? -- Jenifer, 18:58:37 01/25/04 Sun

I'm sorry if you ladies have come across some nosy women who feel they can tell you how to run your homes, but please don't put that label on the Church. The Church teaches that the primary place for the woman is in the home. Mothers should only go to work if there is a real need. If you both have evaluated your family situation and know that is what you have to do, then you are following what the church teaches.

Now, if you feel that is not the case, then that is something that needs to be prayfully taken up with the Lord jointly with your DH. Otherwise, enjoy what you do. Make sure your children are in righteous environments and don't beat yourselves up over this.

I know being away from the kids is hard, that will not change. But you shouldn't feel "guilty" because you are doing the best you can.

My DH and I made the decision before we got married that I would stay home and we have sacrificed a lot to make that happen. I even tried a few ways of earning money and looked into jobs I could do at home. I was let know through the Spirit, that was not The Lord's will in our life and every effort in that direction has been thwarted. That is me and my family, our prayerful decision was for me to stay home. Your situation may be different. I have several friends who are in the work force. They wish it was different, but the answer to their prayers said it was necessary.

My hat goes off to any woman who can keep a household running and work. It's more than I can do most days to keep up with my house and kids while I'm home. Love those kids, but know you are doing the best you can.

Jenifer,
Mother to six earth angels and seven angels in Heaven.
Our newest angel left us Dec. 5, 2003.
We miss you Anna Marie!


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[> DH and I too made the decision for me to stay home -- lynece, 22:32:47 01/25/04 Sun

before we were married, and that is why I do feel guilty. I have been blessed and no one has ever said anything to me, plus teaching is one of those jobs that it seems OK for women to have. I never planned on working full time again or at least until the kids were in school full time as well. I do know it was the answer to our situation. Without my salary I'm not sure what we would do and I'm very grateful to have a job that I really enjoy and am good at.

I think it is the Utah mentality. I have not noticed it in other areas of the country and even the world, like I do here. It is a real double standard here. And every lesson you get about how women should be at home just makes it harder.

I don't always think I'll feel this bad about it, especially when I feel better and as time goes on. But having to work when you don't want to, but have to is just hard all around.

L.


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[> I'm glad your week went so well....m -- Jo, 16:55:17 01/27/04 Tue

Sam's 1st 2 days at daycare have gone wonderfully!

For the record, DH and I had made a decision for me to remain home when the kids were very young...which for the most part, I have. I have worked, but always around their schedules (delivering babies, daycare, etc).

For this job, I asked the Lord if it was OK, then to make it work out. And it has. Sam is in a licenced LDS daycare, he is thriving with the activities of children closer to his own age (he has Down syndrome, so it is a big deal) and for now, my job is temporary. Whenever I have had the urge to work, nothing has worked out...so when all of this did, it encouraged me to realize that the time was now right.

Not every family has the ability to have only one income and be able to raise a family. Yes, we've sacrificed a lot to raise our large family - I wouldn't trade it, but frankly, I am looking forward to a little more breathing room financially.

Do I feel guilty? Not one bit anymore - and for those who spout about the church saying mothers are to remain home, it isn't something I listen to. What the Lord has in store for me and mine isn't what might be in the works for another family...it isn't something that I look at any other family and set a judgement by.

Jo


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[> [> I'm glad it went so well. m -- Jenifer, 16:05:55 01/28/04 Wed

I hope it continues to go well for you and Sam.

I just wanted to say that I was NOT judging mothers who had to work. I was not "spouting" anything to make anyone feel guilty, but reiterating that the Church understands different families have different circumstances. I am sorry if my post came across differently.

I'm also well aware that many women never planned to work and that, as with all of life, plans change. I have nothing but admiration for any woman who is trying to juggle job and home, because I feel I fail miserably, at times, with just home.

Hope that comes across better than my last post.

Jenifer,
Mother to six earth angels and seven angels in Heaven.
Our newest angel left us Dec. 5, 2003.
We miss you Anna Marie!


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