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Saturday, May 16, 11:24:40am [ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, [2], 3, 4, 5, 6 ]

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Date Posted: 19:41:35 02/04/04 Wed
Author: Jenifer
Subject: The Final Word, I guess.
In reply to: Jenifer 's message, "Update on doc appt, much confusion, read at your own risk." on 10:18:14 01/31/04 Sat

I got my test results back today. Negative on the HCG. So, no miracles here. I'm just so tired of playing the am I, am I not game. I sat there, of course, forever waiting on the doc and realized I just wanted a yes or no. At this point I didnt' care.

I'm not sure where I go from here. More prayer, yes, but I'm not sure I'm understanding what the Lord is trying to tell me. My health is at serious risk when I'm pregnant, so I can't fool around with this decision. I do take it very seriously, I've not said no to more kids because I felt the Lord wanted us to have more. I would definitely never say yes to more without feeling he wanted us to, because of the dire health risks.

I just feel like I've been teased. After we had decided my 14 month old was it, the spirit came to me and I felt we were to have another. I had even reconciled myself to not having anymore, now I desperately want what I feel I was promised. I know I'll have Anna in the eternities, I guess I'm just selfish. I want a baby here and now.

Another baby wouldn't replace Anna, but it would sure fill up my arms and give me something to focus on. I guess I'll have to find something else.

More confusion. I wish I knew what to do.

Jenifer,
Ungrateful mother of six earth angels and seven precious promises in the spirit world

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Replies:

[> [> I don't have time to say everything.... -- Breneman, 06:06:18 02/05/04 Thu

I would like but I just wanted you to know that your message was read and I tried to post a reply to the first one but it didn't post.

Thinking of you,
Mary


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[> [> [> I think I have a few minutes..... -- Breneman, 14:40:57 02/07/04 Sat

so let me type as much as I can. Please excuse the typo's because I'm sure I won't have time to proof-read this.

I just want to relate my experience with "mircales".

When I was pregnant for the fourth time and had only one living child at home I was terrified for the health and safetly of my child that I was currently preg. with. After lots of prayers and tears I felt the spirit speak to me and tell me that my "son" would be OK and that I didn't need to worry anymore. So I didn't. I spent the next two week completely enjoying my pregnancy and bonding with the new spirit growing inside me.

So when I went into labor at 18 weeks and delivered a daughter two days later my world shattered. I felt betrayed and lied to. I was so sad and so upset that I was having to suffer as loss like that again, especial after I had been "told" that everything would be OK. It took me quite awhile to realize that I had been told my son would be OK, not my current pregnancy or even the baby I was carry but my son. The Lord knew that I could not handle the knowledge that I was going to loose another child and instead let me enjoy my remaining (earthly) time with my child.

I was a nervouse wreck during the first few months of my next pregnancy until I was told (u/s) that I was indeed carrying a son. I knew that he would be OK. Now the pregnancy was still scary from complication and after his delivery I realized that I could have easily lost him too. But I was carrying the son I had been promised and the overwhelming panic never set in, just some mild worring.

I'm telling you all of this just to say don't give up on your mircale. Because unless you were told spefics about it occuring during this pregncy or even in the context of childbirth it is still coming or your realization of it already occuring is still coming.

Ok It looks like my time is up, the kids are calling but please remember that the way we view things and the way the Lord sees them is often not the same.

Peace and Hugs,
Mary


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[> [> [> [> Thank you Mary for sharing your experience... -- Jenifer, 22:53:43 02/08/04 Sun

I have had a few of these myself, though mine seldom ever resolve into something I can make sense of. During these times I had been let know that the Lord was testing me to see if I would listen to the Spirit and follow where it leads, whether it seemed logical or not. I hope to one day share these experiences with you ladies. For now, I thank you all for listening to me whine about not being able to see the whole picture layed out before me. Doesn't work out that way, I'm afraid.

Jenifer,
Mother to six earth angels and seven angels in Heaven.
Our newest angel left us Dec. 5, 2003.
We miss you Anna Marie!


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[> [> I'm sorry for the way things turned out. -- lynece, 23:44:29 02/06/04 Fri

I don't have any advice, but wanted to let you know I was thinking of you.


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