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Date Posted: 07:28:11 11/26/03 Wed
Author: Breneman
Subject: Ok third and final try.....

If it doesn't work this time I'm not trying again until after Thanksgiving.

I've been trying to deal with my life and my birthday was Monday.
It's kind of strange but ever since I lost my fist child I can never stand to celebrate my birthday. I finally decided it was because I feel guilty for getting a year older while most of my children never got the chance to get a day older, forget a whole year. The first few years it wasn't that big of a deal. My parents aren't big on birthday celebrations and my in laws who are into making birthdays a big things just kind of tolerated me refusing to celebrate. But now I have children who expect my birthday to be treated like the big event everyone else’s is so I have to muddle through it and pretend to be happy.



The next part is about my pregnancy skip if you’re not ready to read.


I'm also getting concerned about when I'm going to deliver, this still unnamed child. I break out in a rash 6 to 8 weeks before I go into labor. I've been broken out now for almost 4 weeks. The rash is not following to same coverage pattern, first my elbow's and than my knee's. It’s still only on my elbows so I hoping I still have time but I also could be delivering soon. I am hoping to get to at least 30 weeks but who knows. I'm still not concerned about this child surving but on how I'm going to parent three children at home; 6,4, and 2; and then one in NICU almost an hour away. I know if it happens it will work out somehow but I also know it will be very hard on me.

I'm also trying to figure out how to reconnect with my husband. When someone at Church asked me for some of his talents weeks ago and I honestly could not think of any I knew I really needed to address the problem.

Anyway that's me right now,
Mary

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Replies:

[> Mary...(((hugs))..........(m) -- Sheila, 09:10:41 11/26/03 Wed

Happy belated birthday! I can relate exactly how you feel about birthdays. I am to the point that I could care less!! It is amazing how so much joy leaves your life when you lose a child(ren).

I pray that you will be blessed to deliver this new little one with no problems & that the baby will be healthy. i admire you for being able to handle that many children. My two(5 & 19 months) keep me VERY busy & I always feel so overwhelmed!!

Please let us know how things go these next two weeks. Also let us know if you go into labor so we can start sending extra prayers your way!! HUGS~~~Sheila


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[> Although I'm a total birthday freak, I do understand what you're saying -- lynece, 13:44:53 11/26/03 Wed

It is sad to get older when so many of our loved ones won't. Happy Birthday from me though! I don't know what to tell you on the baby. I will keep you in my prayers that the baby will stay put until its "cooked" because the NICU would be very difficult. Our kids are really close in ages. Mine are almost 7, 5 and 3. Crazy life isn't it. Thanks for posting. I've been worried about you. Sorry this board is so weird sometimes as well.

Love, L.


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[> Good to hear from you, -- Heather, 15:20:32 11/26/03 Wed

Happy Birthday to you, I know how you feel about them though. I just cannot do anything fun with out feeling guilty.

I too wish you the very best with your preg. My son Jordan was born at 32 weeks and only spent 2 weeks in NICU. He did very well, he came home weighing 4 pounds 2 oz. Best of luck for you and your little ones.

I too am feeling a little distanced from my husband. I think I am just so overwhelmed with my grief that he is so far back on the burner that we have grown a little apart. I too have been thinking of how we can be closer again like we were, before.

You will be in my prayers,
Heather


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[> I wish that things were different.....m -- Jo, 17:55:00 11/26/03 Wed

But I know that you can work it out (after the baby is born, I mean). And I know about the birthdays, too...I wish the day would just pass unnoticed totally.

Jo


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