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Date Posted: 10:39:51 12/15/03 Mon
Author: Lauren
Subject: Evelyn Ashley

My name is Lauren Burke and I heard about this webpage from Lynece and thought I would come say hi. I lost my Evelyn Ashley at 22 1/2 weeks gestation due to what we assume is an incompetent cervix on October 30, 2003. It's been a pretty rough time. Sacrament meetings are always hard because there are so many pregnant women and little babies. At first I asked a lot of what ifs. And I was mad at Heavenly Father for allowing this to happen. Most days I understand that he knows better than we do, but other days I don't understand or I just don't care. I want my baby. I want to hold her in my arms and comfort her. I hate feeling so helpless. But honestly, time has helped and I hope will continue to help. Thanks for reading this
Lauren
Mommy to Evelyn Ashley 10/30/03

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Replies:

[> I am so glad that you found us, but sorry that it is under....m -- Jo, 11:42:12 12/15/03 Mon

These circumstances - my many many heartfelt sympathies on the death of your sweet little Evelyn. What a beautiful name for what was obviously a very much beloved and wanted little girl.

I, too, lost a daughter - Hannah Patrice - at 27.3 wks gestation 4 yrs ago. Evelyn and Hannah share the same birth month, but our Hannah was born on the 3rd.

I can totally commiserate with what sacrament meetings were like - or friends being pg at the same time - it isn't an easy place to be at. Be patient with yourself and only do what you are capable of doing, when you want to do it. It is OK to say no things and to people, esp around the holidays or anniversaries, so please keep that in mind.

And it is also OK to wonder...I did that for a long time, knowing that HF knew more than me what the future would hold for me and my family, but it still hurt. Knowing what we know doesn't and shouldn't stop our grieving - it is a natural human reaction to loss of any kind, but esp a child - but above all, we have hope and the knowledge of knowing where our children are. Eventually, peace will replace the pain -

Please keep posting - I'll keep you in my prayers -

Jo


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[> Lauren, I'm glad you found us -- lynece, 19:43:19 12/15/03 Mon

I too had my losses before I had any living children and I know the empty feeling. Your grief is so fresh and though I can't promise you it will ever go away, the pain will fade in time. Our churh is so hard to be childless in and worse when no one but you and your DH seem to even think your baby was real because she never took a breath. I remember hiding out in the bathroom during one sacrament meeting, and often I couldn't make myself go at all. Heavenly Father understands your anger and will be there for you. I had a hard time praying or reading my scriptures, but loved to read the hymns, both primary and regular. Where can I turn for peace always lifts my spirits and lets me know I'm not alone.

Please feel free to post about anything here. We understand your pain in a way that most never will. My best advice to you is to hold close to your DH. Men grieve very differently and you will need to stay close to communicate. My DH was my lifesaver.

God Bless you. I'm so sorry you had to be here, but glad of the chance to get to know you.

Love, Lynece


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[> I'm so sorry ... -- Robin, 06:04:57 12/17/03 Wed

....that we meet in this way. I wish that I could be there with you and find a way to ease your grief. Coming here is a good thing to do for yourself...the ladies here are so wonderful...I wish that I had of had people like them when I suffered my losses. This place is a safe , comfortable nest in the big ol' tree of the church... you can fly over whenever you need and fall into the soft down lined haven that these sweet sisters provide. You can be whoever you are;sad, angry, confused,overwhelmed and even happy. And these ladies are right there crying or laughing with you.
may you feel peace and know that your Heavenly Father loves you and your darling Evelyn Ashley.
love Robin


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[> Hugs Lauren, -- Heather, 15:37:36 12/17/03 Wed

Lauren,
What a Beautiful name for a Beautiful Angel, Evelyn Ashley.

My heart hurts for you. I am glad you have found our little group of women that all share the loss of our children. These ladies are wonderful! They always listen, no matter what the post, a vent or a breakthrough etc.
feel free to post about whatever the feeling that day!
(I sure do!)
We lost our Noah August 22 2003. These holidays I wish could just pass without us having to deal with them.
I often am heard asking my husband why the world didn't stop when MINE did. Please lean on us and if you need to chat, please feel free to email me. momswaf@hotmail.com
Heather


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[> Lauren.......((HUGS)))............(m) -- Sheila, 23:22:50 12/17/03 Wed

I am so sorry for your loss of sweet Evelyn. I am sorry that things are so hard right now. Our church is a hard place to be when we have lost a little one. I remember looking around at all of the newborn babies & their Mommies & thinking, "Why did they all get to keep their babies? Why was it mine that was taken?" I had so many questions to Heavenly Father.

Please know that you are not alone in this hard trial. It doesn't matter how long ago any of our losses were(it will be 5 years ago in february for us) the pain is still there along with a great heartache. But together we help each other through, day by day!!

Hugs & prayers~~Sheila


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