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Date Posted: 17:41:11 10/29/03 Wed
Author: lynece
Subject: Mary? Marie? Sheila? How are all you ladies this week? Please check in. We miss you!


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[> I've been gone for a few days...... (current preg mentioned) -- Breneman, 09:36:25 10/30/03 Thu

I've needed to go to the dentist for awhile and kept putting it off. First I had surgery done on both hands and wanted to get those bills paid before I went in and then I got pregnant and was so nauseous I knew I couldn't have anything done without getting sick. So I finally get to the place when I think I can stand to go and one of my teeth starts hurting so bad I know I have to go. Anyway I finally got to go in yesterday morning, after being in real pain for a few days, and had to have a tooth pulled. It was so bad and i could pay a few thousand dollars to try and save it or pay fifty and have it pulled. There wasn't a real choice there, at least not for my pocketbook. I actually feel much better, it was much more painful with the tooth in but know I have to wait to it to heal so I can eat normally again.

I also hit 24 weeks with pregnancy, a mile stone of me because I now at least have a chance of bring home this baby. All of my other losses were in the first and second trimester when I couldn't even begin to hope for any chance of life. Now if I could just relax and bond some with this child maybe I could feel happier but it's just not happening. I can't figure out exactly what the problem is. I still have no clue what to name this one, and I always had my babies named long before this and I just don't feel really connected to this child other than in fleeting moments. My husband thinks that part of the problem is that we have been told that this child is a girl and it's really a boy. I'm just getting more and more frustrated with myself for not connecting more with this child and I'm trying to figure out what this lack of connection all means. Am I just more busy and haven’t taken the time to connect, is there something wrong with this child and I’m trying to protect myself from the pain??

I'm just getting myself more upset thinking about it so I just say bye for now.

Mary


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[> [> I don't think there is anything wrong with you or the child....m -- Joanne, 11:52:05 10/30/03 Thu

This is the protective part that we do to ourselves to enable us not to feel the pain that we believe is inevitably coming. It is so common in subsequent pgs that I've never met a woman in your shoes who hasn't felt that way at all. They normally do nothing to bond with it or choose a name until after 32 wks - and a few have waited until the birth itself.

I am not going to say to relax - you know it is something you have to consciously work at - but I will say that your baby will feel a lot more than you think it will. Take some time to just stop worrying about why you feel the way you do, allow yourself to voice the fears that you have and at least understand that there isn't likely a woman out there that wouldn't feel the same way you do right now.

Be good to yourself - take care of that hole in your mouth - I'll keep you in my prayers. And try not to be upset - give your special belly a rub from me. You are so blessed to be carrying a spirit from Heaven!

J


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