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Monday, June 17, 09:12:49am [ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, [4], 5, 6 ]

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Date Posted: 20:58:01 11/16/03 Sun
Author: robin
Subject: the phone call

the phone rang tonight. it brought frightening news. my mother is very ill. cancer. i am overwhelmed. i feel paniced. it is like when i had Ricki's last ultrasound..i knew by the way the technician was acting that something was wrong but she wouldn't tell me , she just kept saying 'you'll have to talk to your doctor'...for a few short hours after the ultrasound that day i thought that my little boy had a devastating medical problem , that perhaps he would have to fight to live, but i never thought or even concidered that he had already died...the doctor called and asked me to come in. It has been almost 10 years and yet the memory has not dulled one bit...it is as sharp today as that original moment...i remember sitting in the chair in the doctor's office, i remember the words burning my ears " no heartbeat" i remember hitting myself in the head again and again, trying to beat those horrible words out of my mind...it was all so unacceptable..how could it be that my baby had died?... time has passed and i have learned to live with the painful fact that Ricki is not here but sometimes something happens and I find myself face to face with those feelings and memories...tonight as i try to grapple with this news about my mom...the feelings are much the same...i am so afraid...i do not feel ready nor able to face this and i am sorry to unload here..i am sorry

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Replies:

[> OH Robin, I'm so very sorry! -- lynece, 21:50:33 11/16/03 Sun

So sorry about your mom and about your son. It's been almost 8 years for me and I understand still being able to feel that horrible pain.

Please do not feel bad for coming here. You make unloading sound like a bad thing. It is in fact very good. We are here to understand and to listen. you can share all of your pain and suffering here and never have to hold any of it back. Never feel guilty or ashamed for doing so.

I'm so sorry you hare having to face this with your mom. I will keep her and you in my thoughts and prayers. You will be able to make it through this trial as our Heavenly Father will be with you as always.

God Bless you tonight and grant you some peace and understanding.
Love, Lynece


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[> My prayers are with you and your family -- Heather, 22:58:24 11/16/03 Sun

I am so sorry, I will be keeping you and your family in my prayers. It has almost been 3 months since we lost our little Noah and I know all to well the feelings. I am sorry you have to go throught this. My thoughts are with you.

Please don't feel bad for sharing this, we are here for eachother. I have vented quite a bit and know my sisters understand, we are here for you too!

Love,
Heather


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[> Robin, I sent you a long email......m -- Joanne, 07:37:10 11/17/03 Mon

And you can read it when you are ready - don't you ever apologize for leaning on people that care for you - this is where you belong, this is where it is safe and this is where you know no one has any expectations of you.

I love you sweetie -

J


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