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Monday, June 17, 07:29:14am [ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, [5], 6 ]

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Date Posted: 12:46:09 10/10/03 Fri
Author: Heather
Subject: day to day

Hello, today it is 7 weeks since Noah was born.
I am a mess, what am I talking about I always am.
Fridays have always been good for me but now I
so don't like them!

Did anyone else feel like you had to keep youself so busy that you didn't have time to think. Right now I am washing pillows, that is only because the drapes and all of the beds are already done. Next I will be renting a carpet cleaner. I just cannot sit and think...It is killing me.
I just relive hearing the Dr. tell us over and over, his birth, his service,,,,ah. What to do? I have even washed both cars and I hate washing my husbands truck. How have you taken your minds off of everything if only for a few min.

Thanks, any advice on this will help

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Replies:

[> I wasn't able to do what you are desiring to do....m -- Joanne, 16:14:30 10/10/03 Fri

Ignoring it, by being busy, will just keep you at that particular place in your grieving. It is meant to be thought about, to dwell over and on and under - it is meant to make you feel like you are going to lose your mind. All this is way too normal.

Do how much work with grieving as you can manage - about 10 hrs per wk is plenty, if you have other family involved and you do. But you have to set aside time to just work at the process because if you don't work it out, you'll stay stuck right there.

Now, I managed to do a lot of what I call sulking...just no energy, no nothing...I did a lot of locking myself out of the house, a lot of grocery shopping that wasn't needed, a lot of just sitting in the van in the driveway, going nowhere physically but not really being 'there' either.

Trust me, eventually with a lot of time, it will lessen. You won't have to work so hard, it won't seem too hard to do it and you will manage. But, and this is a big but, you will never be that same person ever again - that person does not exist and you have to be patient with yourself and your companion.

Get out on those date nights - seriously, they saved my sanity. Do things that are normal, even though life will never be normal again for you or your husband. Going through the motions will help you.

Most of all, find someone to talk to - don't keep it in, don't avoid it, but find someone that will actually let you call at any time or drop by, if you need companionship. Most times, you can find that type of person only because they've had a loss, too, and know what that first year can be like.

And please give yourself time to heal. You've just given birth, you are grieving and no one would expect so much from a woman who is still postpartum. Give yourself a hug, stop washing those cars and get a Yahoo chat name and join up. Then you can chat live whenever you feel the need to. My chat name is johosam.

J


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[> Heather, Joanne had given you wonderful advice. (m) -- Sheila, 10:33:59 10/13/03 Mon

Grieving is sich a long & different process for each person. For me keeping busy helped. But, I still aloowed time for me to mourn my son & I wrote letters to him. I poured out my heart to him & how I missed him.

I prayed SO many times a day for strength....I still do! It is impossible to get through this, and stay sane, without Heavenly Father's help.

You will find those friends & family that will be good people to talk about Noah with. Some people are scared to talk about death...others will be such good listeners & allow you to talk about your son. These are the people that you need to surround yourself with. I love my friends that let me talk about Matthew & express my love for him & don't look at me like I am crazy!

Please take things one day, one hour, at a time. It is a long road. I will not lie to you. It has been 4 1/2 years & I still wish every day that Matthew were here.

Sending my love & prayers~~~Sheila


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