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The Mrak Attack

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Subject: Reasons For Sensitivity Training


Author:
Jerry
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 05:30:41 01/25/12 Wed

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!

The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 21, and her name's Kathy.

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."

The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.

A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."

My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.

The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan . I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.

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Subject: Apartment For Rent


Author:
Jerry
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 06:20:21 01/23/12 Mon

THIS IS TOO FUNNY ... SOMETHING TO START THE DAY OFF!!!

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend
the night with her for $500. They did their thing,
and, before he left, he told her that he did
not have any cash with him, but he would have his
secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling
the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT.'

On the way to the office, he regretted what he had
done, realizing that the whole event had not been
worth the price. So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclose
the following typed note:

'Dear Madam:
Enclosed find a check for $250 for rent of your
apartment . I am not sending the amount agreed upon,
because when I rented the place, I was under the
impression that:
#1 - it had never been occupied;
#2 - there was plenty of heat; and
#3 - it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.
However, I found out that:
#1 - it had been previously occupied,
#2 - there wasn't any heat, and
#3 - it was entirely too large.'
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately
returned the check for $250 with the following note:






'Dear Sir:
#1 - I cannot understand how you could expect a
beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
#2 - As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you
know how to turn it on.
#3 - Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of
regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture
to fill it, please do not blame the management.
So, Please send the rent in full or we will be forced
to contact your present landlady... !!

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Subject: Strange


Author:
Jerry
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 05:21:41 01/20/12 Fri

In the coming year, 2012, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address will occur on the same day; February This is an ironic juxtaposition of events.

One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to an insignificant creature of little intelligence for prognostication.

The other involves a groundhog.

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Subject: Where did the white man go wrong?


Author:
Jerry
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Date Posted: 10:18:55 01/09/12 Mon

WHERE DID THE WHITE MAN GO WRONG? TOUGH TO ARGUE WITH THIS ONE . . .

Indian Chief "Two Eagles" was asked by a white U.S. Government official,"You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion ,where did the white man go wrong?"

The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied:


"When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water.

Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing;

All night having sex.'

Then the chief leaned back and smiled "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."

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Subject: Cowboys


Author:
Jerry
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 05:42:37 01/04/12 Wed

Tough on the Range
Three cowboys were seated around the campfire out on the lonesome
Sagebrush prairie and with the pride for which these men were famous; it was
A night of bravado, a night of tall tales..
Tom, the hand from Nebraska says, "I must be the strongest, meanest, toughest
Cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral. It
Had gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my
Bare hands and castrated that sucker with my teeth."
Ben, from Colorado, couldn't stand to be bested . . . "That's nothing, I was walking
Down the trail yesterday and a 15 foot diamondback rattler slid out from Under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that bastard with my bare Hands, bit off its head, and sucked the poison down in one gulp and didn't
Even get a belly ache."
Old Ed, the cowboy from Wyoming , remained silent, slowly stirring the Campfire coals with his pecker.......

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