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Date Posted: 14:51:34 06/10/01 Sun
Author: Andrea
Subject: DANCE WITH LIFE -- Chapter 5 (Robin/Jason/Anna Devane)

CHAPTER 5 –

Robin slowly opened her eyes and stirred up in bed. She ran her hands through her shoulder-length hair and laid on her back, staring at the ceiling for a while. She was wide awake. No surprise there. She had been that way for most of the night. She kept replaying her conversations with her mother and with Jason in her mind, over and over again.

She had been prepared for Jason to be angry with her still – even for him to ignore her – but she hadn’t been quite as prepared for how calm and civil they had been with one another. She wasn’t sure as to why it surprised her though. She and Jason had never fought like other people and they’d never really broken up like other people either. She’d seen Sonny yell at Brenda, she’d seen Brenda break down in front of Sonny, she’d even seen Katherine blow up at Mac… That never happened with her and Jason. Maybe because they actually listened when the other one talked, even when it hurt. Why had she expected now to be any different?

She sighed, trying to forget about all of that, and glanced out the window. The sun was lively, shining through the glass window as if everything in the world was perfect.

She then turned her head slightly enough so that she could look at her clock and read: 06:09

She closed her eyes and covered her face with her left hand as she groaned.

--

Jason sat down on the bench in the park and stared at the people walking by as his mind trailed off.

Park – 1996
Robin: I think about all those people who didn’t get to hear what I heard today. Stone. John Hanly. Jeanetta. Why me and not them?
Jason: I went to the cemetery once, with Sonny. And I walked around. There were birds…and flowers…What I’m trying to say is…It’s that the dead aren’t greedy. They aren’t mad about anything.
(Robin looks into Jason’s eyes and smiles brightly.)
Robin: I love being alive…
(Jason smiles, gets up and picks her up in his arms, as tight as he can, as he spins her around.)
Robin: hhmmm….Alive! Alive, alive, alive, alive…
(She laughs as Jason puts her back down, leans forward with a smile and kisses her.)

Jason sighed inwardly. God, how had he let things change so much? He used to live for those words. Robin’s smile, Robin’s laugh, Robin’s heartbeat, her words – these words – he used to live for them. All he’d ever remembered wanting, before Michael, was for Robin to live. Jason closed his eyes in pain as the realization dawned upon him. He still did…. He always had.

On the Bridge -- 1996
Robin: Why did you kiss me?
Jason: Because I wanted to.
Robin: You find out I'm HIV positive and your first instinct is to kiss me??
Jason: (being sarcastic) Maybe it's that whacked frontal lobe.
Robin: This isn't funny, Jason.
Jason: Maybe not...I just liked how your mouth looked...kind of trembly but strong at the same time and I wondered how it would feel to kiss you, so I did. But if you're this upset maybe I should have left town.
Robin: (Still reluctant to believe him) Why do you say that?
Jason: Just might be easier if I weren't around... I can still go...all you have to do is say the word.
--

God, it hit him like never before. This is exactly what she’d done. He’d said the words, and she’d done it. He had not wanted to make her hurt on that bridge that night he’d made the offer. And that is exactly what she had done for him. He had said the words…and she had left.

Jason rubbed his forehead with his hands as he thought back to his conversation with robin the night before. Some of the things she said. Some of the sadness in her eyes now all made sense.

Just then, Jason heard a familiar voice behind him. He quickly turned around and saw Emily standing close-by.

“Who is it this time?” Emily asked in a serious and scared voice.

“What are you talking about?” Jason asked, unsure as to why she was looking at him like that.

“Who’s in danger this time around?” She asked again as her eyes grew softer.

“Nobody.” He quickly reassured her.

“Is it Michael? Did something happen to Sonny and Michael is in some sort of danger?” Emily panicked.

“No, no, no.” he said as he stepped towards her. “That’s not why I’m back. Sonny and Michael are fine.” He told her. “It’s not them.”

“Then who?” Emily asked, to which Jason surprisingly didn’t not respond. “Fine.” Emily then said, shaking her head as if to make these thoughts go away immediately. “You don’t have to tell me anything. I’m just happy to see you.”

The next thing he knew, she’d wrapped her arms around him and breathed a sigh of relief.

“Were you ever planning on telling me you were here?” she teased him as she hit him on the chest playfully.

“I was going to, but there were some things I needed to do first.” He said in a gentle voice.

Emily slowly pulled away and looked at her brother’s face. He had said the words but somehow she just couldn’t believe him. If it wasn’t Sonny or Michael, it had to be something else. As she searched his face for answers, it suddenly dawned upon her that he had probably seen Robin. He had that ‘Robin’ face. She had seen it so many times in the past. She had begun referring to it as the ‘Robin’ face, only because there was only one person who could get that much emotion to appear on Jason’s face at once, and that was Robin.

“Did you see her?” Emily asked in a loving tone.

Jason looked away quickly and then turned back to Emily.

“Yeah.” He simply replied.

Emily nodded and looked down at the ground before her.

“So, did you tell her?” she asked, lifting her eyes back to him.

“Tell her what?” Jason asked, confused.

“That you were sorry.” Emily spoke as Jason stared at her.

--

It was night again. Darkness had once again invaded the streets of Port Charles. The sun had bowed down and led way to a cloudy sky. Somehow, she had made it through the day without torturing herself too much about her conversation with Jason the night before.

Robin had spent the entire day with her mother, and the more she spent time with her, the more she realized how badly she needed to tell her things. However, she didn’t seem to quite know how. So many things needed to be said. So many things Robin simply needed to get out. All those things that she used to say out loud, at night, during all those years; every time she talked to herself because she had wished her mom could have been there; all these things, she needed to say them now. She just didn’t know how, or when.

And there she was, again, on this bridge. What was it with her and this bridge she almost asked herself, but didn’t. She knew the answer to that. It was a five-letter word. Some days it was Stone, and some days it was Jason. But, most days, it was both. In different ways.

Robin leaned against the bridge and looked down, thoughtfully. She suddenly has a flashback of herself, Sonny and Brenda, standing on that same bridge as she scattered Stone’s ashes over the bridge.

--
Sonny reaches and takes Brenda's hand and they all three go to the ledge.
Robin: Will you do it?
Sonny: No, no, I think you should.
(Robin looks upset as she takes the ashes box out of the container, opens the top, pauses and thinks back to Stone bungee-jumping, then turns the container over and lets the ashes fall out. Sonny & Brenda go on each side of her and hold her as she cries and they look over the ledge with her)

--

Robin wrapped her arms around herself, as a soft breeze blew in her hair. Just then, as she was looking down at the ground beneath her feet, a hand landed on her shoulders.

She spun around, and found her mother looking at her.

“I didn’t mean to scare you.” Anna quickly spoke.

“You didn’t.” Robin smiled and then turned away, looking into the distance once more.

Anna stayed silent for a few seconds as she examined her daughter.

“How did you know I was here?” Robin asked in a soft, almost child-like voice.

“Call it motherly instinct.” Anna replied, just as softly, as she stepped beside Robin.

Robin let out a big sigh and tilted her head as she looked at the sky.

“I just needed to think, I guess.” She finally told her quiet mother.

“I can go if you want me to.” Anna offered reluctantly.

“No.” Robin quickly answered, turning to face her mother. “I don’t ever want you to go anywhere…ever.” She said in a shaky breath that slightly alarmed Anna.

Anna hesitated, wanting to say something but the emotions got stuck in her throat and before she could speak, Robin already had.

“Have you ever wondered what it’d be like to fly?” Robin asked, in a calm voice, as she looked away once more.

“Many times.” Anna whispered to her daughter.

“So did I.” Robin whispered back as she stared into the night. She paused for a moment and then smiled, almost to herself, but wide enough so that Anna could see it. “You know,” she started slowly, “Stone jumped off this bridge. Well, Bungee jumped off this bridge, I mean.” She smiled as she remembered. Anna listened as her daughter reminisced about one of the many, many moments she had spent in this place. “He said it was like flying.” She added softly.

Anna’s eyes searched her daughter’s face with pride and sadness at the thought of the memories Robin had to live with every day. And then she smiled, as Robin continued to tell her about that day.

“He was standing up there – and I was so afraid for him.” Robin let out a gentle laugh. “And he just jumped.” She paused. “I remember looking at him, and telling him that I loved him… And, I mean, you should have seen his face…He shouted, at the top of his lungs ‘I love you Robin!’ and he just jumped…” she remembered with sparkle in her eyes. Robin paused slightly as she lowered her eyes. “And I almost did too.”

Anna’s smile disappeared from her face at the sound of Robin’s last statement.

“Except there was no cord to hold me back. No safety net. Nothing.” Robin spoke as she nearly choked on the words.

Anna’s face suddenly turned pale as she realized what her daughter was trying to tell her. Her eyes filled with tears as she froze under the shock of this revelation. Robin turned to look at her mother with tear-filled eyes and suddenly wished she could take back those words.

“I shouldn’t have told you that…” she breathed out as Anna reached to touch her daughter’s face with both her hands.

“No…” Anna said, swallowing her tears. “Don’t ever say that. You can tell me anything. I want you to be able to tell me anything…” she whispered painfully.

“I don’t want to hurt you…” Robin finally whispered as an honest tear rolled down her cheek.

“You’re not.”

“I am.”

“It hurts more not to know anything.” Anna reassured her calmly.

Robin lowered her eyes as Anna processed everything quickly. Taking a deep breath, Anna dried Robin’s cheeks with her fingers in a very motherly gesture.

“What stopped you?” She finally asked in a clearer yet shakier voice.

Robin paused, looking into her mother’s eyes as if she wanted to make sure Anna really wanted an answer to that question.

“Jason…” Robin breathed out emotionally. “Anybody else would have panicked, or tried to talk me down, but not him.” She added in a stronger tone. “He just stood up there with me, and…”

“And what?” Anna questioned tenderly.

“Jason would tell you it was nothing, but…” Robin said with a sigh. “He just held my hand.” She added as her eyes filled with invisible tears again. “He held my hand…and I remember never wanting to let it go.” She confessed in an emotion-filled voice.

Anna’s heart broke in pieces at the thought of the heartbreaks and heartaches her baby girl had endured.

“I’m sorry.” Robin spoke as she wiped away her tears.

“Why?”

“I didn’t mean to make you cry…” she replied with an emotional groan directed at herself.

“It’s always hard to hear about the man who broke your daughter’s heart.” Anna answered, swallowing back painfully.

“It wasn’t just him.” Robin rectified softly. “We both did some things we didn’t mean to…” she added almost to herself. “I know you probably don’t understand…but, that’s because you don’t really know him.”

“I do.” Anna spoke as she looked intently into her daughter’s eyes. “All I have to do is look at you when you talk about him. And I know him.” She whispered.

They both paused for a moment.

“I can see that you loved him.” Anna finally spoke, breaking the silence.

Robin smiled, confirming her mother’s wisdom.

“He changed my life.” Robin whispered as she looked away and paused. “To him, I was never a risk. I wasn’t the face of AIDS. I was just me.”

They both paused and stared in front of themselves as Robin ran one of her hands through her hair.

“That’s why you had to come here last night…” Anna said, respectful of Robin’s sudden silence.

“I had to. For so many reasons….” Robin sighed as her eyes involuntarily filled with tears.

“And you saw him.” Anna deducted.

“That obvious, huh?” Robin said, wiping a small invisible tear from her cheek.

“No.” Anna replied in a very caring and motherly voice. “I just know that look in your eyes. I’ve worn that look.” She added softly.

Robin sighed as she lowered her eyes slowly.

“I just wish there was some magic way…a way that I could tell you everything. Everything that happened in the last several years. All the details; all those things I told your pictures and those I said in prayers. I wish there was a way to tell you about all those things.” Robin said in a shaky breath. “I so wish I knew how…so you could help me and tell me what to do.” She said as a deep, challenging confusion spread across her face. “’Cause, I just…I don’t know what to do.” She whispered as a tear rolled down her face gently. “I thought I did,” she added, looking intently into her mother’s eyes. “but I don’t.” she repeated, barely audibly.

Anna quickly gathered her duaghter into her arms and held her as tight as she could.

“It’s okay…” She whispered into Robin’s ear a few times.

There was a deep comfort in Anna’s arms and Robin welcomed it wholeheartedly. At this point, what she’d just told Anna was true. She had no idea what to do. Maybe it was all the happenings of the last few months that just overwhelmed her, but a lot of it had to do with Jason and her coming back here. She hadn’t been here in such a long time…

Standing in the shadows, neardy, Jason felt his heart stop beating under the breaking sound of Robin’s voice. He swallowed back the pain he had felt for her as he’d heard the two women’s conversation and simply stood there, in silence, watching over them – unfortunately unaware that he wasn’t the only one.

After a few intense moments, both Anna and Robin pulled away and Anna offered to take her daughter back home – an offer Robin happily accepted. Anna touched her daughter’s face reassuringly and Robin smiled, almost embarassed. But the embarassment quickly vanished and her smile became genuine and harbored a feeling of profound safety. That’s how she felt right now as she looked at her mother: safe. Something she hadn’t felt in a long time.

Robin and Anna started walking away from the bridge. Just as the two women were walking away, they heard a familiar sound not so far in the distance. In a matter of instants, out of the blue, a black car started heading straight for them. Jason jumped to warn them, but in vain. Neither Robin nor Anna realized what was happening, until they were both blinded by the car’s speeding headlights.

Then, nothing.

Nothing but dark.


------------

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