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| Subject: bleh | |
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Author: bleh |
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Date Posted: 22:32:44 11/19/06 Sun Settling down would do Jameela and Kita good at least that what he kept telling himself, it was them he was looking out for, their needs that kept him here as opposed to his own selfish desires. He knew he had no place here yet still he tried to make himself one, shove himself where he had no business being. The two had a good thing going, had a son on the way, marriage in their future, they were everything he wasn’t. That wasn’t to say that they were perfect, they had their flaws and Avel recognized that. He felt Raina’s withdrawal as she slowly isolated herself from the world. He worried about her as she seemed to slip slowly into her own world. He had to be concerned for his friend as he sensed the growing desperation as the uncertainty of the situation wore him down. It was about six months since that faithful phone call. The barn had only been opened for about a month when the couple had discovered Rain was pregnant. Realizing that they were in way over their heads and if they had any intention of keeping the barn going they needed help. Deangelo had decided that Avel was the best choice, he was after all known for his impulsive behavior and his lack of any real ties that made uprooting himself and his life feasible. Even with the sudden and unexpected responsibility of two kids he never let himself be tied down. He lived his life as if always on the run, always in the attempt to remain one step ahead of his own mind. He was his own worse enemy in many ways, his way life preventing him from forging any real bonds. Maybe Avel should have put more thought behind his own decision but thinking was never a strong point for him. He tended to act long before even thought of thinking. That impulsiveness served him well in the past, now that same impulsiveness might end up being his downfall. Dean was his friend and he shouldn’t take advantage of the situation that was slowly developing. As his friend he should step back now and stop it from getting out of hand. That would be the right thing to do, but Avel was never known for doing the right thing, instead he was usually quoted as doing the completely wrong thing. He was a weak individual flawed in his convictions and doing what was right never cam easy for him. He did try but despite his best efforts he always fell short of his own intentions. Now he was able to realize that the smartest thing to do would probably be to move on distance himself, but settling down was already doing the girls worlds of good. Children needed that sense of security, something his nomadic life couldn’t provide them. Now if he only kept telling himself that then maybe his decision would start to make more sense. Maybe if he kept repeating it he would feel less guilty about the events he knew were transpiring. In the past few weeks he sensed the subtle change in their relationship as it made a very wrong turn down a road he knew they shouldn’t revisit. Stopping it now would be the smartest thing to do before it got out of control and developed a life of its own. What Dean had with Rain was rare and Avel was the first to notice the positive impacts it had on his friend. This was nothing more then a bump in the road Avel shouldn’t turn it into a train wreck. The two had shared only brief interactions in the past that were though passionate held no promise of commitment. That was the way they both had liked it at the time. When the relationship had started nearly two years back, both were young and held no real responsibilities. Now they were both tied down with the obligations life threw at them. Dean’s carefree ways saddled him with biological son who came with three half siblings none of which were his own, also in that time Dean had done what the two had thought impossible, he fell in love. Raina was a childhood friend who came back into Dean’s life not long after the kids’ had arrived. Rain’s arrival brought about another child in the form of her three year old daughter and now the two also had another son on the way, making a total of five kids and one expected to make his appearance in two months. There was no doubt in Avel’s mind that it was Rain that had kept the family going which was why her sudden isolation was so devastating. Avel on the other hand had somehow ended up with two daughters of his own, both of which weren’t his biologically. He still wasn’t exactly sure what had made him take them in he did know he didn’t regret it. Both he and Dean though now had responsibilities, with people dependent on them and revisiting their relationship now would be neither smart nor beneficial. In the end nothing would be mended, people would be hurt, relationships strained, and it would probably screw up the only real friendship Avel ever had. Eventually Dean was likely to realize his mistake and would return to Rain, Rain would probably forgive him, and one more Avel would be the one left alone. A fact he had been perfectly fine with in the past. But he had broken his first rule when it came to such matters. He let himself get attached. Avel had never done well with such relationships; commitment was a strange and scary idea for him. He had managed to settle himself into a serious relationship once in his past but that had only ended in heart break. a year and half of his life wasted on someone who’s only real interest was that he had money and according to her ‘power’. After this one failed attempt Avel had given up on the very idea of love, it seemed strange to him in the first place. He was used to throwing himself from bed to bed mainly as a means of survival. During these quick flairs it was always him that was in control and it was always him that said whose bed he did and didn’t end up in. He was used to having the upper-hand and no one really needed to know about his past mistake. That he had fallen for a girl who had managed to beat him at his own game, no one but her, him, and his so called best friend at the time. They were all that needed to know and it was of no concern to anyone else. He much rather people see the monster he made himself out to be, to him that was safe. But if that incident had taught him anything, even if he didn’t like to openly admit it, it taught him the pain such betrayal caused. He knew what such an affair would do to Rain and that alone made him need to stop this now. For once in his life he had to actively choose to do the right thing something he was sure he was going to fail at if he relied simply on his sense of control. Instead, probably the only real safe thing to do was move on before this got out of hand. But the stability was doing the girls’ good and if nothing else he could at least hold onto that. [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] |